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Trip report May/June 2001


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Saturday 2 June

At the moment I am somewhere over India on my Thai Airways flight from Bangkok to London with my Psion palm top in front of me and a copious supply of bacardi/cokes and gin/tonics so please may I apologise if I ramble more than normal.

I had to go to Malaysia for a weeks work but as always passed through LOS.

My intended itinerary was:

Friday Bangkok

Saturday, Sunday and Monday Pattaya

Tuesday Bangkok

Wednesday, Thursday and Bangkok Friday with my long

term GF

Here's what happened


Arrived from Malaysia at about 5pm and checked into Grand President (1200 Baht) but got a massive upgrade and ended up with 2 bloody big rooms. Went to Soi 7 Beer Garden, fell in love with a lady and dragged her along for the Friday night gathering at Woodstock.

The rest of the night was pretty straight forward. In the morning the old cry went up, "...you no sleep" to which I think "Darling, with a body like yours next to me why should I sleep". Overall a pretty good night but in the morning I realise my love was based on lust for her breasts and not her mind. I asked her what she was going to do that evening - "I look for farang husband"


Popped into Chequers Bar (Soi 4) for a few beers and a cheeseburger for breakfast. After that took a taxi with one of the sharks outside GP to Pattaya (1,200 Baht including tollway charges).

I must have been to LOS over 20 times but have never visited Pattaya. Despite the taxi driver I got to the Pattaya Centre Hotal, Soi 12, where I had prebooked a deluxe room with sea view (950 Baht, excluding breakfast). The room was very large with a lovely sea view. Highly recommended.

Being a newbie to Pattaya I was not sure where to go next. However, I remember Soongmak (the world's leading authority on BJ bars in LOS) recommending a BJ bar in Soi Postoffice called Nice with Ice. Unfortunately, I got my Soi Postoffices and Soi Yamatos mixed up and ended up in a Gogo bar called Nice'n Sleazy in Soi Yamato. Failed to see any BJ activity but this was compensated for by one of the dancers who I decided to bar fine. It was now 5.30 and they had a 2 shift bar fine system. 500 baht until 7pm and another 500 baht after 7 pm. No way was I going to pay 1000 baht so I went for a walk and returned back at 7 pm. and barfined her.

Went back to the hotel to "get changed" (ie to consummate our relationship). Now I do have a problem since I am a Fatbastard that I sweat like a pig and I do like to eat and drink in air con environment. In Bangkok this is not a problem but in Pattaya most of the bars and restaurants are not air con.

Anyway, just around the corner from Soi Postoffice is Shenanigans on 2nd Road. Now I am not normally a great lover of Irish Bars as I think their drinks are overpriced but this was a terrific place, After a few beers and food ended up in the Tahitian Queen, a Gogo bar near Soi 12 on Beach Road. This was a place I liked very much as it catered for the older clientele and played a lot of old rock and roll music/videos. There was a guy next to me who must have bought at least 30 lady drinks in the hour or so I was there. However, my eyes feasted on a dancer who it seems started at 3.30pm the following day.

Had a good night of lust with Miss Nice'n Sleazy "..why you no sleep?".


Went to Shenanigans for breakfast. Highly recommended. 95 Baht for a terrific breakfast and between 11am and 1pm 90 Baht for a pint of draft Carlsberg. Also the environment is very, very pleasant.

After this decided to try to hook up with the dancer from Tahitian Queen. Unfortunately, she was not there but went with another dancer. "You smoke" I asked "Yes" she said. Anyway to cut a long story short in the room she would only smoke using a condom. Decided to pay her off and alter my tactics and go for a beer bar girl.

Once again to cut a long story short hooked up with a really nice beer bar girl but upon going back to the room to "get changed" she uttered those awful words "I no smoke". Despite this stuck with her for the night as I thought she was a nice lady.


Things really got interesting on the Monday, supposedly my last day in Pattaya. Brunched at Shenanigans and on my way to the happy hour at Tahitian Queen (2 - 3) I was walking past a beer bar on Soi Yamato when I saw these long sexy legs!! I was invited into the bar (air con) and started to talk to Miss Legs. Now over the years in reply to their question about "..who you with?" I have invented my friend "Ben" (ie Mr Happy). I explain that Ben is a sweet talking butterfly (whilst doing this I take off my specs and put them over one of my fingers) to show what Ben looks like. This never fails to make the girls laugh. (I have even had the ladies talk to Ben before going on a tour of their mouth "Ben, how are you?).

Anyway, decided that Miss Legs should be barfined but I had to ask the question "you smoke?". Her reply was "...only for short time". Upon enquiring about short time she said "no more than 10 minutes each time". This both Ben and I found very acceptable.

Now Miss Legs was very tall for a Thai (Isaan) lady, was aged 34 "I old lady", wore very short and very tight denim shorts, with high heels and a short top, She also had very long and shapely legs. Upon walking back to the hotel she also put her arm on my shoulder. Not what you would do walking down Sukhumvit but in Pattaya who gives a toss.


Back in the room she and Ben got along like a house on fire as she had a lovely body. However, she was also a big sniff kisser. Now call me old fashioned if you must but I do find the sniff kiss very erotic.


At about 4pm decided to pop around to the Soi 7 and Soi 8 bar areas. However, as we were walking along Beach Road Miss Legs was forever putting her arm around me and holding my hand and I must admit I was enjoying it.

Later in the evening did my normal rounds - Shenanigans and Tahitian Queen. However, she was forever sniff kissing me and touching me

What happened back in the room that night was up there with the best. No complaints about "..you no sleep" and whatever I wanted she would do. I had my own 53 kilo Thai teddy bear wrapped around me all night. Sheer bliss for a Fatbastard like me.


Change of plan. Instead of going back to Bangkok decided to stay with Miss Legs for one more night. Whilst I brunched at Shenanigans she went back to her room to get changed. Met her later at her bar and she was wearing a very sexy and very little white skirt with a tight white top. She asked me how Ben was and I said he was in a Gogo bar with lady. This she loved. However, what was interesting was that whilst in the bar she went out to eat and did not ask me for any money. Also when in the bar she would not have a drink - this I found unusual as she would get commission on any drinks. (By the way I forgot to mention that she did not smoke (cigarettes!) and only drank orange juice or Sprite),

Once again she was sniff kissing, holding my hands, hooking her legs over my leg etc.

However, I was becoming very attached to my Sex Goddess. I found her to be a lovely lady.

That night did the normal things but also went down Walking Street. That place is wild. Also went to a Gogo bar around Soi Pattayaland 2. Now this was a Gogo bar I visited a couple of nights earlier and I had really enjoyed it. However, on this night they were showing a really sick video entitled something like "Uncensored" and it showed guys been executed, being tied to a tree and burnt to death etc. I found this very unsettling and left after one beer.

Adjourned to the Tahitian Queen where I felt a bit down as I was having to leave Miss Legs to see my long term girl friend (Miss Samutprakan) the following day.

Another night in Bum-bum heaven with my Thai teddy bear.



Once agin decided to change plans. Rang up Miss Samutprakan to say I would be delayed in Malaysia for an extra day and took Miss Legs to Bangkok ("...first time I go Bangkok..") I reassured her that I would take care of her.

That night took her around the normal sights of Sukhumvit;

Soi 7 Beer Garden - "..no short time rooms, Darling?"

Chequers Bar and Jools Bars, Soi 4

Carousel Bar (NEP) for the lesbian show

Nana Disco - what a pain in the arse those waitresses are.

Thermae - "....many ladies, Darling"

Foodland - pad Thai and a few (more) beers.

Also back in the room she mentioned that she had only worked in the bar for 26 days (before that she had worked as a cleaner for 5 months in a Pattaya hotel) and I was the first farang she had been with.


Telephoned Miss Saamutprakan to say I am at Bangkok Airport and would meet her at the Ship Inn (Soi 23) at 12.30. Took Miss Legs to Ekamai and put her on the 12.00 bus to Pattaya. I must admit to feeling a little bit emotional when the bus left for Pattaya. During our 3 days together she had not mentioned money and when I gave her 3,000 Baht she was more than happy.

Went to meet Miss Samutprakan at the Ship Inn. She is aged 35 and I have known her since January 2000. She lives in southern Bangkok with her Mama and two children whom I visited in January of this year. She is always saying how she is short of money but I have always respected her for how she makes ends meet. Although I met her in the Thermae she swears blind it was her first time there! Also her English is pretty good.

When she came she asked for 60 Baht for the motorbike taxi "....I ony have 10 Baht" and bought some cigarettes (on my bill). This I did not really mind but then compared her attitude to money to Miss Legs. Then she put her mobile phone on the table!!! This astounded me as she was always saying that she had no money. She then said "I go with man from Thermae for 3 hour for 5,000 Baht". I tried to explain that there was no way she would get 5,000 Baht for short time in the Thermae. However, at this stage I was pretty upset.

I had not expected her to have only gone with me since January of last year. However, it was the way she had told me about going with other men. I was also pissed off that instead of keeping the money she had bought a mobile phone. After a while we left the Ship Inn and then I took her aside gave her 1,500 Baht and said that we were finished. This took her by surprise,

I returned to the Grand President to get more money and decided to hit the Soi 7 Beer Garden. Surprise, surprise who was sitting there - Miss Samutprakan!! The time was now about 5pm and having met up with Wilddenver and spilling some beer over my shorts I decided I could not handle the sight of watching Miss Samutprakan being chatted up by other farangs. So I decided to be absolutely irrational and go to see Miss Legs in Pattaya.

Shot down to Ekamai bus station with a small plastic bag containing a razor etc. and was in Pattaya by 8.30pm. Took a baht bus to Soi Yamato only to find she was not in the bar but at home. Within 30 minutes she had been found and I must admit to feeling really good being back with her. Went out for a few eaties and drinkies and spent the night in one of the rooms above her bar - 400 Baht for a bloody big air con room, That night was one of those nights of passion you dream about. Also it was the perfect therapy for splitting up with Miss Samutprakan

In the morning Miss Legs got the condoms in the bin and bundled them together to stop the cleaning woman being able to take stock. After she left to go home to get changed I unbundled the used condoms to get the cleaning lady talking - what a bastard thing to do I thought!!!


After breakfasting at Shenanigans met up again and we taxied it back to Bangkok (800 Baht). Before going to Woodstock for the Friday night meeting had a bath where she joined me and decided to give Ben a BJ in the bath. Boy was I in seventh heaven. She then put on this little skimpy sparkly dress which had a very positive effect on Ben. However, tried to avoid holding hands as in Pattaya.

Got pissed that night - Soi 7 Beer garden (no sight of Miss Sautprakan); Woodstock; Jools Bar; Chequers Bar and then Foodland. Had a bit of a joke with a lady I had been with in the Beer garden on my last trip. She was surprised when I knew her name and said I had been with her 2 months ago. She could not remember. I then explained about the sexy photographs I had taken of her (absolute lies). This absolutely horrified her, but I just smiled and walked away.

Back in the room Miss Legs showed me her payslip for May. Unfortunately I was so pissed I could not remember how much she had earned. However, I do remember she was charged for her monthly medical check up.


Flight to London is midday so early start after the Evil Deed etc. However, felt really hung over. Whilst shaving Miss Legs was looking at me so I put some foam on her face. This made her laugh - then I put some around her love tunnel and started shaving, No problem. However, I then decided nobody else was going to take advantage of my work and I would finish off the job when I am back in late August/early September.

So to the airport and fixed her up with the midday bus to Pattaya. However, I had doubts about this with all of you Sanukers out there. I hope nobody posts a trip report starting "I arrived in Bangkok on 2 June, took the mid day bus from the airport to Pattaya and there was this lady on the bus who I got to know very well...."

A great, great trip. I really enjoyed Pattaya, a lot more laid back than Bangkok. You are actually able to sit in a Gogo bar (air con) and not get hustled by a girl for a lady drink. A bit upset about finishing with Miss Samutprakan but meeting Miss Legs certainly made up for it.

Back in late August,early September - yipee!!!!

Just south of Moscow - must have another gin/tonic.



[ June 03, 2001: Message edited by: fatbastard33 ]

[ June 03, 2001: Message edited by: fatbastard33 ]

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Originally posted by augustart:

"Fatbastard, I will be in the LOS in late August/early September so I hope to meet up with you."

I am still working out my dates. When I have them I will come back to you. It is always nice to meet up with other board members.


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Hey FB,

Don't let anyone rain on your parade! Ridiculous, malicious, based on nothing. For myself, I was planning to borrow your gimmick for the one-eyed snake. Any humourous, non-verbal communication is a great help and joy. One of my African American g/fs used to call mine "crime." I would say to her, "I think it's time for you to do your good need and 'take a bite out of crime' now."

But the main thing I like about this trip is the way you follow your heart back to Miss Legs. And I do think it is your heart your are following. You never seemed too into it with the other one. I see many trips to Pattaya in your near future! Go for it, man. It is good for the soul...


PS: I am a romantic (too?). Read "There is Love in the Kingdom" under "Relationships" if you haven't already.

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FatBastard, nice report. I too am unfamiliar with Pattaya, seems like it might be worth a visit!

Sorry to be cynical, but do you believe that you are the first farang that "legs" has been with? You seem like a man of experience (certainly in Thailand) and you have the advantage of having personal contact with her...and if you were really that lucky, I'm jealous!!



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Aypenarin wrote:

"I believe you fall into the category of a sad sack who couldn't pull squat in your own country so you come to los to get the attention of women you have to pay to laugh at your sad jokes".

Thanks for the positive response to my trip report - I hate it when people are negative about my reports.

Just for the record this lady was laughing at my comments before any money had changed hands.


By the way have we met? Do you know me?

Also I look forward to your next Trip Report.

Lots of hugs and kisses.


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Posted by Zane May:

"Don't let anyone rain on your parade! Ridiculous, malicious, based on nothing.

But the main thing I like about this trip is the way you follow your heart back to Miss Legs. And I do think it is your heart your are following. You never seemed too into it with the other one. I see many trips to Pattaya in your near future! Go for it, man. It is good for the soul..."

Zane, my old friend, lovely to have your support. I am suffering very badly from the Bangkok blues (and no Miss Legs) but that is the price we have to pay.


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