Thai Poem

[Guest]

A whiles back someone posted a thread called "DR SEUS' LOST THAI POEM" ...

here is my little effort....

 

Thailand Thailand I love you true

I only wish you'd love me too

Your touts and taxis love my ngern

Your girls in Patpong make me yearn

So do not think, yah kit mahk mahk!

I am a good boy not a shark

I will not ever fill her box

Without my little rubber sox

I would not, could not in her eye

Unless she told me mai-pen-rai

Thailand Thailand you must NOW know

I do respect your ladies so

I will respect them in a bar

I would respect them in a car

I do respect them in Thermae

I will respect them anyday

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday too

and always Fridays at Voodoo

But there are things that I must know

Before you go and end the show

That Rolex watch it wasn't real?

That Polo shirt I thought a steal

I guess it's fair to give and take

But how was I to know a fake?

I tell you true I tell you jing

That Heineken it was a Singhe!!

How could you Thailand trick me so

When all I do is spend my dough

Your Kingdom though it is unique

Your temples, soi dogs and the freaks

So long as you are always there

I will descend your Thermae stairs

And look upon that hazy scene

And wonder if it's just a dream?

Thailand Thailand forgive me not

But are you real or are you not?

Khon Kaen, Ubon, Korat too,

They don't exist, I'm in the zoo!

The Missing Link I dare to find

In Issan Thailand any time

And will I wake to find some day

That Nok and Noi have gone astray!

Khun Por and Mae up on the farm

Are wishing me into Bang Khwang

I love I hate I care not think

What's with that guy, that Bernard Trink?

Why does he tell me nothing's free?

I fucked that broad from up a tree.

She did not ask me for a baht,

She let me hear her pussy fart!

I never cared that she liked drugs,

She cleaned my room and fed me bugs

She told me not to worry dear

Her bar was fined for half-a-year

A jai dee man from Sweden way

Paid the tab and made her day

And so you see I had some fun

But need more time to get it done

Is this the price you're giving me

Closing all the bars by 3?

I need more time to get some more

I need more time to find a whore

I need more time think it through

I need more time to be jao choo

Some time to think and learn the ways

Some time to really fill the days

I love it here I love it true

I always really loved the Zoo

But I will not be ready yet

To tie the knot in Sri Sa Ket

When I am ready I'll settle in

With that number from Surin

A Buffalo I'll buy for Por

A mobile phone I'll buy for her

A little space I'll need to find

So I can still get off short-time

So Thailand Thailand let me be

I'll fall asleep to Thai TV

I'll ride the skytrain to Nana

I'll spend my money in the bars

I'll not whinge and gripe and bon

I'll help to bring the party on

There's Lek and Kung and Noi and Nok

Thailand Thailand please don't stop!

[ August 12, 2001: Message edited by: Dan ]

[Guest]

Kissing is a habit

Fucking is a game

Boys get all the pleasure

Girls get all the pain

He says he loves you and you believe it's true

But when your stomach starts to swell

He says the hell with you!!!

16 min of pleasure

9 months of pain

3 days in the hospital

A baby with no name

The baby is a bastard

The mother is a whore

It never would happen

If the rubber hadn't tore

[iagra]

Here's a couple of things I've written. The first I wrote this year, the second about 7 years ago, after my first trip. Apologies for the fact that they share certain similarities.

THAI PHRASEBOOK

(Check bin)

What you look for, sir? You want lady?

Something different? Where you go?

Come just look. No cover charge.

Beer hundred baht. Best pussy show.

Frog/banana/plastic flower/fish/

Artificial instrument/balloon and dart.

Nice clean lady. You handsome man.

Buy me cola. You have good heart.

My name Nip (or Tuk, or Toy, or Toom.)

Me love you long long time.

Bar fine five hundred. You me boom boom.

[Often accompanied by a simple mime.]

Have condom/shower/towel/soap?

Mama sick. Buffalo ill. Papa die.

Light off now. We go shopping tomorrow.

You no love me, I cry.

 

TRANSPORT IN THAILAND

Tuk-tuks, taxis, motorbikes, river boats,

Samlors, songthaews, buses, ferries, cars,

Bicycles, elephants, using your feet;

It's easy to get to the go-go bars.

"Psst...hey you, hello...whole body massage?...

What you name?...Where you flom?...Where you go?...

Long you stay?...Mai pen rai...Khaup khun kaa...

Come just look...Special plights...Best pussy show..."

PING-PONG BALLS. BANANAS. CHOPSTICKS. CIGARETTES.

CANDLES. FISHES. RAZOR-BLADES. BLOWING UP BALLOONS.

But you suppose you could kill a couple of hours

With PUSSY DRINK PEPSI or WHISTLE BEST BEATLE TUNES.

So you sit down with a beer and a girl in a bikini

Who suddenly appears on your seat.

For a while you gaze at teenage tribesgirls

Performing at crotch-level to a sullen disco beat.

Then you offer her a Krong Thip cigarette.

She replies that they're her favourite brand.

They don't hurt her throat like the others.

Neither of you mention they're the cheapest in the land.

You buy another beer and a drink for the lady.

She indicates a room upstairs with a mattress and a tub

In a mixture of mime and perfect broken English:

"Jig-a-jig . . . suckee-fuckee. . . .Lub-a-dub-dub. . . . “

She bathes you with silken fingertips . . . .

She says you're the Number One red hot best . . . .

Her Adam's Apple quivers with sincerity

- And you draw a very quick curtain over the rest.