oldian Posted January 22, 2002 Report Share Posted January 22, 2002 pattaya 127....dead right, and the cultural stuff cuts across all lines of society. I have a thai friend who is certainly very well off. She and her mom run the main travel office on a pier going to one of the islands, and certainly work hard and reap the rewards...yet how much money do they give to dad, who proceeds to drink, gamble, and sanuk away whatever he can. His daughter sees how much he hurts her mom, yet when i try telling her that if she really loves him, she ought to give him an ultimatum or try cutting him off to help him, she can only say, "mai pen rai, he is my father, and i wouldn't be here without him." It's hard, yet i understand this in many ways...western cultures often believe that everything is open to change, whereas eastern cultures often have a bigger feeling of "fate" or "destiny," that things are somewhat out of control...both have their advantages and disadvantages, what is hard is seeing one or the other when it is alien to you and in your own intimate and personal life...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 22, 2002 Report Share Posted January 22, 2002 quote: Originally posted by sayjann: ... i look at her clocking-in card just to see if she tells me the truth Sayjann, I don't want to be a trouble maker, but surely you've considered the possibility that she may have an arrangement so that she works off the card? (I.e. if a really good customer came along, she might make an agreement with the bar not to write it up.) Bibblies, this is not a bf-gf relationship, so it doesn't have to be a reciprocal arrangement. Since it's still fundamentally a financial transaction, Sayjann is quite within his rights to ask her to not see anyone else. This might even be the prudent thing to do for his own safety, since Sayjann may very well be engaging in more risky sexual behavior with her than other BGs (i.e. BBBJ), and would want to ensure that she is as "clean" as possible. (That's my dry, clinical analysis, anyway.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayjann Posted January 22, 2002 Report Share Posted January 22, 2002 shygye. i'm with you,i always make it clear i'm a butterfly and while i've found a few of the girls don't like butterflies i've found the majority are fine about it. often i've been with a girl and she has then encouraged me to go with a friend of theirs saying "you now help my friend?,you take her and give her money,she poor". i try to make friends with the girls and even if i never pay bar for them it makes for a good time when you go in their bar,i find i am surrounded by them when i sit down and get many envious glances from other men. they are generally nice people,providing us with a service and i see no reason to treat them badly. i see enough men being complete barstards to the girls. also other fringe benefits,they buy me drinks,meals and little gifts and it's a nice touch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayjann Posted January 22, 2002 Report Share Posted January 22, 2002 farangdang. i may be a little in the dark about her but i don't think she would have any arrangements off the card. the owner of the go-go where she works is owned by a norwegian who i knew before he moved to thailand and he runs the place tightly. he is fair with the girls,leaves all the girls to the mamasan but is in the bar every night and if any of the girls are in the wrong he will stamp down. he takes care of his staff and they respect him,have never heard a bad word about him from any of the girls. i don't think he would allow girls to go off without it going through the card and i also do not think the girls would risk doing anything like that behind his back,but then again i could be totally wrong and i might not be as bright as i think i am. perhaps i should e-mail him and ask him. as to your comment about i'm in my rights to ask my girl not to go with anyone else while i'm in town and i continue to bar fine other girls. i never ask her or demand that she goes with no-one else,her decision. all she asks is that i bar fine her every night so that she does not have to work any more that day. sometimes she comes home with me and sometimes goes home and i butterfly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayjann Posted January 22, 2002 Report Share Posted January 22, 2002 farangdang another reason why i think she does not work off the card is that strangely she is in a minority where she works. she is from isaan and while most of the girls i've met have come from there,where she works there are only a handful of them and they are heavily outnumbered by girls from bangkok and southwards. i find most thai's look down on isaan people and i have had many experiences of walking into the bar and being joined by one of the 'better class' of thai and they take great delight in telling me how many men have talked to her and bought her drinks that day. i know they are probably trying to cause trouble between us but i tend to think that if she did go with another man,i would soon be told. also a little apology for an earlier post,i said that thai's are good at telling 'little untruths'. i did not mean to generalise and mean all thai's,just the BG's and then i'm not accusing them all and i find they are not bad or big lies,just little things i notice. for a long time my girl told me she was 24 and never budged but from her ID card i knew she was born in 2517,making her 27 last year. eventually she admitted her age. sorry if i offended any thai people reading this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 22, 2002 Report Share Posted January 22, 2002 quote: Originally posted by worldwalker: A little update on the ex from the first post in this thread... We got a hotel room in BKK, 2 beds, and didn't mess around at all - she's a married woman now and neither of us wanted to get involved that way at this point. She got her green card remarkably quickly. As I understand it, she is essentially free to stay in the US now, even if her and her husbund separate. So she's essentially free to leave now. First, much respect from me for not sleeping with her. It would have been very easy to rationalize, but it's clearly better off for everyone that you didn't. Second, you might want to check (or have her check) on that green card thing. I was under the impression that the marriage had to stay intact for 2 years or the green card could/would be revoked. It would be unfortunate for her to do anything rash at this point. (If the husband doesn't know this, don't bother to fill him in; he might have more respect for her if he thinks he doesn't "own" her.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 22, 2002 Report Share Posted January 22, 2002 quote: Originally posted by pattaya127: You are pointing to a fact of life here, which has been part of my struggle with my G/F here, in LOS. that it is very difficult to get a lower class TG to think on her own (as in asking her: "what do you want, in your life?", expecting an answer like "to better my life" instead of "i want take care my baby/family/etc...). I am just enraged , been for 14 years, that all these poor girls have been raised with the idea that their only purpose in life is to serve someone and never contemplate self-fulfilment or the worth of getting some education beyond normal school years. hence , the good man syndrom: never mind the falling in love stuff (always complicates everything!), if A man offers to provide for her needs (spells "sending money home"), and he is nice, then, her life purpose is fulfilled.... The mind-boglingness about it is that she is not that stupid, just stuck in her own little corner of the world, where thinking about tomorrow, is a totally useless activity, good for headaches only. Well, you guys know about the "you think too much" stuff.... Having low, simple expectations is the main way (IMO) most lower-class people in Thailand manage to keep themselves happy. Many of them would be miserable if they thought they should have (or deserved) the life of middle or upper class Thai (or farang), because the vast majority of them would never achieve it. This certainly runs counter to the American way of life, but who's to say which is better? Every time I get frustrated about something in Thailand that seems so silly or downright stupid, I have to take a step back and realize that if I changed all the things that bothered me, it would probably end up being just like the U.S. (not a good thing). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted January 22, 2002 Report Share Posted January 22, 2002 quote: Originally posted by FarangDang: Every time I get frustrated about something in Thailand that seems so silly or downright stupid, I have to take a step back and realize that if I changed all the things that bothered me, it would probably end up being just like the U.S. (not a good thing). Absolutely. With the difference that one has to expect more from a very L/T relationship with a woman (in this case, thai) than just brushing off frustrations and misunderstandings with a "TIT" indulgent smirk (some yes, but not all). The great thing about thais is their strong sense of identity (being thais), that they never loose, even abroad. But i have had the opportunity to see how much growing does a woman when given the possibility to learn and work, after coming to the States. And growing into her own as well. God forbid, then, that USA could be just like Thailand, when you are a poor girl (not a good thing). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 22, 2002 Report Share Posted January 22, 2002 quote: Originally posted by worldwalker: She got her green card remarkably quickly. As I understand it, she is essentially free to stay in the US now, even if her and her husbund separate. So she's essentially free to leave now. Green cards granted based on marriage are conditional for a period of 2 years. After 2 years elapses, they must apply to have the conditional status removed. If the marriage has dissolved then she may be deported. Also, she needs to be careful with respect to how long she's out of the country, since spending too long out of the US could be considered evidence that she is no longer resident there and thus the green card can be revoked. The above is all the more important if she intends to become a US citizen. Marriage-based immigrants qualify for citizenship after just 3 years, but this can be problematic if the above things are not paid attention to. Good luck to her. This whole story makes me really quite sad actually on many levels... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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