The Old Sarge's War Stories - R&R in Kuala Lumpur

[Guest]

Here is another bar story. More accurately, it is what happened after I left the bar, but...

 

 

 

This was back in 1968, just after Tet in Vietnam. I was on R&R in KL enjoying the piece (spelling intended) and quiet. During the Nam years KL was a quiet, sleepy backwater place where nothing important ever happened. It had 4 redeeming features however. The water was safe from one end of the country to the other. The food was excellent and varied. The bars didn't have sandbags and barbed wire. There were many absolutely stunning mixed race girls there and they all spoke better English than I did.

 

 

 

My second night there I got up early, about 5pm as I recall, took a HOT shower (damn, what an experience a hot shower was), had a bit to eat at a sidewalk stall and then went bar hopping. Ran into a couple of Ozzie Sergeants and we hooked up together. Got introduced to a game I vaguely remember being called Aussie Roulette. The rules are quite simple. A round is ordered. When the beer arrives, somebody shouts "Go" and the beer is chug-a-lugged. The last one to finish has to shout for the next round. Needless to say, the girls got more beautiful and the bar stool more wobbly as the evening spent itself. Between playing Aussie Roulette (Ozzie Suicide was more like it) we were chatting up half a dozen sweet young things. It was a quiet night in the bar being the middle of the week. I had my eye on two in particular. One was a stunning Anglo-Indian. She was tall, light tan and had eyes that you could get lost in forever. I must have gotten lost cause I can still see them. Lordy, lordy! The other was a small (i.e., short) Chinese lass who was wearing the traditional Choeng Sam and looked as if it had been painted on. I was at a banquet and couldn't decide which course to order first. Poor me!

 

 

 

The two girls were the best of friends and wanted to stay together. Me? I was hornier than a three balled tomcat and just drunk enough to think that I could satisfy two women like this in one evening. Not bragging, but I think that I might have been dreaming tho.

 

 

 

Arrangements were made - quite inexpensively as I recall - and away we went. I was staying at a place called the King's Hotel (or Kings Arms or something like that) The hotel was a nice one, clean and reasonable. Since it was up a side street you had to walk about 100 meters after you got out of the taxi.

 

 

 

We arrived and started towards the hotel. Along side the street was one of the typical Malay drainage ditches/sewers. It was about 18 inches square and is normally covered by a concrete lid for safety.

 

 

 

I admit that I had my fill of beer, NOT that it was affecting me at all. The only real reason that I couldn't walk straight was because my glasses were dirty or something like that. "Of courch offisser, I'm walking in a - hic - straight line, it's the road that's weaving." Yeh, right!

 

 

 

Anyway, I had a lovely Anglo-Indian girl on one arm and a Chinese girl on the other. I remember the perfume that the Indian girl had on. It was a sort of musky scent with touches of clove and cinnamon. The top of the Chinese girls head was level with my nose and her hair smelled so clean. Not only did I have the hard on to end all hard on's in my pants, my tongue had a hard on! I may not have been in love, but I was certainly deeply in lust.

 

 

 

All of a sudden some young kid threw a string of firecrackers behind me. Yup, you guessed it. QRC (Quick Reaction Capability) time. I thought that it was Charlie opening up and I automatically reacted.

 

 

 

You ex-GI's out there would have been proud of me. I grabbed the two girls and executed a graceful dive right into that damned ditch! Two girls and I ended up in an 18 square inch ditch along with about 6 inches of mud, water and whatever - mostly a well fermented and decomposed whatever.

 

 

 

As soon as I was airborn my slightly befogged mind realized that this wasn't Nam and I had just committed a grave social error. Too late!! Xin Loi GI.

 

 

 

After a stunned moment of silence, I raised up and looked around. Here was this Chinese kid standing there with a string of fire crackers in his one hand and a piece of punk in the other. His eyes were bugging out and mouth open laughing like hell. I started to get up with some thoughts of uncivilized mayhem in mind. Good sense on his part overcame a desire to stare at the weird Yank who had just thrown two girls into a ditch and jumped in after them. He proceeded to bug out at about 100 klicks an hour laying rubber all the way.

 

 

 

Needless to say, I did not get laid that night although I did have two lovely sleeping companions. Fortunately, the ladies were very understanding since they had met other American GI's in from Nam and knew that we were all nuts. I had to buy two dresses the next day, my knees were sore and I had a bump on the head. Trousers were ruined.

 

 

 

Oh, yes, they did forgive me and they stayed with me for the remainder of time that I was on R&R, strictly to act as my tour guides for KL of course (and if you believe that, I have a bridge in the middle of the Sahara desert that I would like to sell you).

 

 

 

Remembering things like that make me wonder how in the hell I ever managed to survive my youth. It wasn't easy.

 

 

 

Regards

 

 

 

Paul

 

The Old Sarge

 

 

 

"WE HAS MET THE ENEMY AND HE IS US!" Pogo, the immortal bard and philosopher of the Okafanokee Swamp (and with fond memories of Walt Kelly)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

Another good one. You're really pumping them out. I think Cent put you up to this to take the pressure off him. I'll get after him again one of these days.

[Guest]

Handyman;

 

 

 

Nah, Mike (Cent) didn't put me up to it. These are some of my favorites that I saved. Mike has been after me to start again, but I feel ashamed. He is ever so much better at writing than I am.

 

 

 

Sarge