Mekong

I see Little Johnny is called Little Dave in the Low Country

Hi,

 

It might have been mentioned already, but I saw 'Law Abiding Citizen' on Saturday. Excellent movie.

 

It is basically about a guy taking revenge on the justice system that failed him.

 

Sanuk!

Just saw it myself yesterday morning inbound to Bangkok and was enthralled by it, best movie I have seen in quite a while.

Well worth watching if you haven't seen it already.

A bloke is sitting in the bar in the departure lounge at a busy airport.

A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.

He decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leaned across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto 'We love to fly and it shows'. The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.

Then he leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto 'Winning the hearts of the world'. Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto 'Going beyond expectations'. The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the f**k do you want?'

'Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. 'Ryanair'.

Basil Brush one Cracked me up

I received an e-mail from the Department of Health today telling me not to eat Tinned pork because of swine flu....

I Ignored it.

It was just Spam.

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends. Giovanni said, 'Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?'

Luigi said, 'Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down.'

'Whata you mean, Luigi?' asked Giovanni.

'Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia ,she pack a biga basket a food. She broughta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basketta

The conductore come a by, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat in disa car. Musta use adining car. So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino!

Conductore walka by again, waga hisa finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car. While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar.

The conductore, he waga his finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.' 'We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.

Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice... 'Nofolk Virginia ! Nofolk Virginia !' 'Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus.

...

Good Move Munchie I enjoyed it when it first came out and it's probably more pertinent today! I shall download it later when I get home thanks for the reminder.

Last night we watched "My Cousin Vinny" After watching Goodfellas a few days earlier I wanted the wife to see Joe Pesci in a comedy role. I was suprised when I read that the American Law Society voted it the 3rd best legal movie of all time,

Now that Hi-Speed Internet in BKK is actualy getting close to high speed I am downloading quite a lot recently working my way down the IMDH Top 100 movies list,

Away from movies I did enjoy the Australian series "Underbelly" Series 2 a tale of two cities is being shown n Aus currently and episodes are available as torrents within a day of episodes being aired!

Since it is Easter

You need to use 'Big People' words,â?? the teacher was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend.

'I went to visit my Nana.'

'No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!'

She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

'I took a ride on a choo-choo.'

She said, 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.

She then asked little Alex what he had done.

'I read a book.' he replied.

'That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?'

Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

'Winnie the SHIT'

A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest,

'Father, it has been one month since my last confession and I've sinned

With Fannie Green every week for the last month.'

The priest tells the sinner,

'You are forgiven. Go out and say three 'Hail Mary's'.'

Soon, another man enters the confessional.

'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have sinned

With Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months.'

This time the priest asks,

'Who is this Fannie Green?'

'A new woman in the neighbourhood,' the sinner replies

'Very well,' says the priest. 'Go and say ten 'Hail Mary's'.

'The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon

When a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church.

All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and

Sits down in front of the Altar.

Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly

spread apart,Sharon Stone-style.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks,

'Is that Fannie Green?'

The altar boy replies, ..............................

'No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes'

That must have been the night after they played liverpool then and the guy was wearing hubcaps as ear rings and had his GBP 320 taxi receipt stuck on his forehead!

The Rules of Cricket (Simplified)

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.

Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.

When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.

There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

My Gardener offerd me some 2001 Turf today he tried to sell it as "Munchmaster Grass" when I questioned the name he replied 7 years in Thailand and never been laid!

I should have known that this was too subtle for a thicko like you Mekong but surprised Teddy couldn't get it!

Sorry Muppet you are the Thicko

I can write my own posts and not just cut and paste shit jokes

 

Yes, but what does this all mean

Fux I didn't realise Munchie was a blonde!

Munchie it is 2008 you are cutting and pasting jokes that were in my inbox in 1998

Go and post on the useless thread we started it for you!

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. She sat by him. He whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side . . .

You know what?'

'What dear?' She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I think you're bad luck, fuck off!'

A Polish man moved to England and married a Local girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well Until one day he rushed in a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean, how are your relations?

All my relations still in Poland .

Is there infidelity in your marriage?

We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?

No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?

No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?

She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at Pharmacy and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover.'

After digging to a depth of 1,000 metres last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1,000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network 1,000 years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug 2,000 metres and headlines in the U.K. papers read: "U.K. scientists have found traces of 2,000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1,000 years earlier than the Scottish."

One week later, the Irish newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 5,000 metres, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5,000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology.â?Â

TB Probably see's a future Rolling Stones Album Cover

A woman went to the Doctors and rather sheepishly explained that she had a problem with her Vagina. The Doctor told her to go into the examination room strip off,put on a gown and lie on the table.

A few minutes later he came in lifted up the gown and said in pure disbelive "Oh My God! That looks like a lettuce leaf growing down there" to which the woman replied "Doc I can assure you that is only the tip of the Iceberg"

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

"You got Male!"

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said 'Unfortunately, there 's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which of one of you will be admitted.'

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to H eaven. Dolly took off her top and said, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.'

Dolly was outraged and asked, 'What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?

'Sorry, Dolly,' said the Angel, 'but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are.'