ChristianTroy Posted October 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2006 I do not like going, I prefer to remember the man he were. I do understand that, I am very sure I will not do much different! Nothing of my dad will be in this grave, only the burned ashes of his body, his soul is somewhere else or will transcent, if he can hear me he can hear me everywhere, and to show him my respect, all I need to do is to think about him and not drag myself to his grave where nothing of him is left! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allatsea2000 Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Sad to hear of your loss. I have not yet lost my parents, but i am a bit like ND, they are sick with not long to go. All i can say is yes the body is gone, but not the spirit. As probably someone before me has sad, the spirit always lives on, in you, and your brothers and sisters, he is part of what made u today, and forever. We all mourn a different way, some at the time, some go into operation mode(getting done what has to be done with little fuss), some a little later after it is all said and done. Dont beat yourself up over what will or wont be, celebrate your dads being, it sounds like he was a great person and mentor to you, just cherrish the time you had with him, and remember he was your dad, nothing can take that away Good luck, with everything drop me a line sometime and when u get b ack to pattaya, i will buy you a beer(if you like). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian2 Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Sincere condolences CT, my Mum and Dad are both nearing 90 so it must come soon for me. Luckily they are both mentally sound and I can only hope that when the end comes it will be swift. There were occasions when they thought they would have to bury me but I try to make up for the worry I caused them on every occasion possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlton68 Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 CT, nothing wrong with you me thinks. I can't understand why your brothers are so much shaken. After all your old man wasn't that young and had serious heart problems. Reason enough to be prepared. If you can help it don't go and see your father dead. Helps to have his living image in your head. My father died when he was 58, he just retired a few month before. I was like on remote control for a few days but then went back to life. It's been almost 18 yeas since then. Sometimes his image pops up in my head. Sometimes I wonder if he'd approve the decisions I made. I still have a chuckle when I think of his last day. At lunch he was being late for an apointment afterwards and said 'Let me finish eating, at least I won't die hungry'. After dinner the same day he had a heart attack while watching a boring soap about a hospital. Well, don't worry because you're not sitting and weeping all the time. Your dad might be most proud of you because you're not behaving like a baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristianTroy Posted October 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Thanx Carlton, nobody is going to see him anymore, we have been told he looks terrible from crashing his head on his desk, i can only imagine how he looks according to the blood which came from his nose, we whiped away yesterday from the floor! He took blood thinners (markomar) so there was more blood than usual! My mom takes it surprisingly well after 43 years of marriage. Good she is very independend and has a bunch of contracts for the end of the year, keeping her busy is the best thing to do. She didn't wanted me to sleep over in the big house of hers! Interesting for me: My dad was a sort of hardliner with a soft core, when he met my mom she was an unexperienced girl 19 years old. The first 20 years she was there for him and did what had to be done. Then she became independend and totally different from him, when he was rather unsensetive she became a spiritual woman. She often complained he is ranting too much about unnecessary things and his hardlining is annoying! You often forget to be thankful for the things you have and sometimes you don't even realise what and who made you who you are! Yesterday when I asked her to sleep over she said! "Noway my son, i sleep alone, my new life starts today and the sooner i start the sooner I get over it" She she sounded like my dad, he instatet his strength in her and yesterday it was the first time we both realised it, i saw it in her face that she had the same thought! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belfastish Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 all people are different im not a real family person myself and hate family dinners christmas etc,that just me. my dad died when i was 11 of a heart attack he played football and was only 48. sure it was hard because i had to go to school a week later and some people didnt understand or know. for years it still brought a tear to my eye when i was brought up but its not too long till your back to some normallity. sorry to hear about your dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous_Dog Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Not related to me or your father CT but your line about your mum sleeping lone reminds of a old girlfriends of mine story. Her grandfather died, and the they where farming family, all the kids born at home! What was interesting in 60+ years of marriage, they had slept apart for the grand total of 3 nights!!!!! So when he died, the grandmother found it really hard to sleep alone, she was so used to sleep with a body bear her at night. The grand children, my girlfriend at the time, where enlisted to sleep with her for the next few weeks! Still makes me smile. Nice old lady too, DOG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristianTroy Posted October 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 I can understand that, when you are used to something it it gets taken away it is almost impossible to create a new "routine" just like that! My Mom and my Dad had seperated beds since I was 8, my dad was a terrible snorer and my mom had amazingly good ears and both like to sleep alone since none of them could sleep in the spooning position (just like me) When I moved out with 18 my mom took over my room! Well they had their own unusual way to make this work for them and didn't care what others might think, everyone had it's space and that's just one reason why it worked so well! What I am trying to say is that my mom is in her own room since 16 years, she had a long day with travelling last night + the emotional stuff, she slept very well and i guess the first night alone in the house is the worst! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Hi CT, I am very sorry to hear your father just passed away. My condolances! I have no experience on the subject but if I were you I wouldn't beat myself up about how you feel. Your feelings just are what they are. Everybody deals with loss in a different way, and there is no right or wrong way to respond. Good luck to you in dealing with your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristianTroy Posted October 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Thank you Soongmak!!! I get this advice/answer very often in the last days. I am sure on tuesday when I am sitting in front of the coffin and about 200 people will express their condolences personally to me the whole thing is getting worse! Cent today my local football team scored the winning goal in the last minute, I grabbed my phone to call my dad, took me a few seconds to realise what I am about to do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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