Marry Down, Marry Out

[think_too_mut]

Marry down means marry someone below your social level, implies lower than your education level. Even far below.

 

Marry out means marry someone out of your race.

 

There it starts. The two "outs" are a reciepe for trouble. Marry "out" is a smaller one, people marry outside of their race the world over.

 

But that "marry down" is our real problem.

 

Staying in Thai, that may be tolerable. There our wives kick some ass - their country, their language, we are like kids being hand held.

 

Take them out and you see all what it is.

They are terrible wives, terrible mothers, they may be 5% of what an average farang woman would be, once they are out of Thai.

 

Not only this site, others too, talk about Thai women "being faranged" and back to bar industry. Someone in farangland could not cope with them any more and sent them back.

[WorldFun]

this has been debated a lot I guess. however the 'out' I think is the bigger reason for troubles. men marry down the world over without much fuss.

even inter-asian relations can be trouble some due to vast cultural differences e.g. thai-malay, thai-japanese etc.

surely inter regional like western-thai can be hit n miss a lot. depends also a lot on the expectations & living place i.e. both living away from home country can be a win-win, but obviously those are rare cases

genetically speaking offspring will benefit from the exotic mixes with strong DNAs right?

[gobbledonk]

 

Staying in Thai, that may be tolerable. There our wives kick some ass - their country, their language, we are like kids being hand held.

 

 

But isnt that exactly where the problem starts ? Someone wrote in to Stick saying that he sees many guys in their 60s in Udon being led around by their wives, buffalo-like, with no command of the language or understanding of how things work. Imagine if you had to spoon-feed an Asian woman in your country - it might be OK if you didnt have a job to go to, but sooner or later you would want her to be self-sufficient. You could have a PhD, but if you cant speak enough Thai to order a meal or answer a phone confidently, you are at the level of a toddler - thats fine for those of us who only holiday in Thailand, but less so for someone who has chosen to live in the country.

 

Of course, there is a danger in 'knowing too much', but most of the longtimers here seem to have perfected the art of 'playing along' when the situation calls for it.

[Julian2]

Finding someone below my social level would be too much like hard work, I'll just stick to my betters.

[think_too_mut]

surely inter regional like western-thai can be hit n miss a lot. depends also a lot on the expectations & living place i.e. both living away from home country can be a win-win, but obviously those are rare cases

 

Not really unless it is Singapore or Hong Kong.

In Japan, myself with longer stay and survival level of Japanese have to do most of things outside of the house.

 

 

 

genetically speaking offspring will benefit from the exotic mixes with strong DNAs right?

 

That's a myth too, I believe.

My daughter, cherubian beauty, joyful, clever, cute, had a problem. In kindergarten theachers said she won't be able to prosper in grade 1 due to insufficient language skills. Not only English but Thai that she had not acquired enough of to understand the world.

 

In addition to her notebooks, shockingly, the proof was her excellent drawing and painting that most adults could not stand up to. That was her way to express herself, by painting, she could not articulate her feelings well enough in words.

The school (an International school) see that problem with kids every day and they recommended corrective action (extra tuition and daily language support). Now it is ok, speaks English with no accent and has vocabulary 10 times that of her mother.

 

But, had she been in a public school, it would not have been noticed and she would be given only what she is good at - drawing and arts, for wrong assumption she is talented. Even later in life it could be taken as a sign of cross-racial superior DNA while it was actually leading into dumbness of Tata Young proportions.

 

The school has 12 kids in a class and 2 teachers per class so it got noticed, monitored and warned about when it became clear an action was needed.

[gobbledonk]

12 kids in a class ? Even in our big-dollar (and I mean seriously big dollar ..) private schools, that would be a fantasy for anything other than specialist subjects in the last 2 years of high school. Where the boarding school system has an edge is that they can spend time after hours ensuring that students get individual tutoring, but I doubt that any of the daytime classes have less than 30 students in a room.

 

I dont think this is the absolute top of the tree, but spending 14k to enrol your kid in Kindergarten would have been pure fantasy for my parents. Throw in uniforms, books, 'mandatory' excursions etc and thats 20K AUD for a kid who excels in coloring in and counting to ten. Bargain.

 

http://www.kings.edu.au/fees-accounts/fees-forms.php

[think_too_mut]

12 kids in a class ? Even in our big-dollar (and I mean seriously big dollar ..) private schools, that would be a fantasy for anything other than specialist subjects in the last 2 years of high school. Where the boarding school system has an edge is that they can spend time after hours ensuring that students get individual tutoring, but I doubt that any of the daytime classes have less than 30 students in a room.

 

 

 

It's 2 million yen for 180 days of teaching + school bus = 25,000AUD.

No uniforms, books and materials provided.

 

Yes, 12 students (max is 16) and always 2 teachers in every class, one native English speaking professional teacher + assistant,also professional teacher, always bilingual Japanese national.

 

And what else could I do? To send her to public Japanese school, free, create further confusion and destroy her for life.

 

This way, it does cost money (I pay, not company, not on an expat package) it has not only recovered but has seen her be on par with kids from all over the world whose parents have some qualities that see them sent as expats to Japan. Definitely not kids who see drunk, drugged or otherwise wrecked families and she is right there even leading instead of quietly drawing alone in the corner.

[The_Munchmaster]

There it starts. The two "outs" are a reciepe for trouble. Marry "out" is a smaller one, people marry outside of their race the world over. But that "marry down" is our real problem.

 

The problem is easily solved. Just don't get married.

[think_too_mut]

The problem is easily solved. Just don't get married.

 

I tried that trick at immigration. Walked out with 3 options:

 

- Move to Thailand

- Marry

- My kid grows without father who loses his job for frequent visits to Thailand and whole family is in dolldrums.

 

How easy was that?

[kamui]

The problem is easily solved. Just don't get married.

 

Which means in regard to a relationship between a Farang and a Thai, that almost probably you won't have a longterm relationship at all.

 

If it is Thai-Farang couple a marriage is almost unavoidable IMHO. The only exception would be that the Farang moves to LOS permanently, but in this case the TG would not even be able to visit Farang's home country for a few days (especially if he is coming from an EU country).