Mekong

Since it is Easter

You need to use 'Big People' words,â?? the teacher was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend.

'I went to visit my Nana.'

'No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!'

She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

'I took a ride on a choo-choo.'

She said, 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.

She then asked little Alex what he had done.

'I read a book.' he replied.

'That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?'

Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

'Winnie the SHIT'

A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest,

'Father, it has been one month since my last confession and I've sinned

With Fannie Green every week for the last month.'

The priest tells the sinner,

'You are forgiven. Go out and say three 'Hail Mary's'.'

Soon, another man enters the confessional.

'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have sinned

With Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months.'

This time the priest asks,

'Who is this Fannie Green?'

'A new woman in the neighbourhood,' the sinner replies

'Very well,' says the priest. 'Go and say ten 'Hail Mary's'.

'The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon

When a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church.

All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and

Sits down in front of the Altar.

Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly

spread apart,Sharon Stone-style.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks,

'Is that Fannie Green?'

The altar boy replies, ..............................

'No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes'

That must have been the night after they played liverpool then and the guy was wearing hubcaps as ear rings and had his GBP 320 taxi receipt stuck on his forehead!

The Rules of Cricket (Simplified)

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.

Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.

When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.

There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

My Gardener offerd me some 2001 Turf today he tried to sell it as "Munchmaster Grass" when I questioned the name he replied 7 years in Thailand and never been laid!

I should have known that this was too subtle for a thicko like you Mekong but surprised Teddy couldn't get it!

Sorry Muppet you are the Thicko

I can write my own posts and not just cut and paste shit jokes

 

Yes, but what does this all mean

Fux I didn't realise Munchie was a blonde!

Munchie it is 2008 you are cutting and pasting jokes that were in my inbox in 1998

Go and post on the useless thread we started it for you!

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. She sat by him. He whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side . . .

You know what?'

'What dear?' She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I think you're bad luck, fuck off!'

A Polish man moved to England and married a Local girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well Until one day he rushed in a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean, how are your relations?

All my relations still in Poland .

Is there infidelity in your marriage?

We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?

No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?

No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?

She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at Pharmacy and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover.'

After digging to a depth of 1,000 metres last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1,000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network 1,000 years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug 2,000 metres and headlines in the U.K. papers read: "U.K. scientists have found traces of 2,000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1,000 years earlier than the Scottish."

One week later, the Irish newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 5,000 metres, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5,000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology.â?Â

TB Probably see's a future Rolling Stones Album Cover

A woman went to the Doctors and rather sheepishly explained that she had a problem with her Vagina. The Doctor told her to go into the examination room strip off,put on a gown and lie on the table.

A few minutes later he came in lifted up the gown and said in pure disbelive "Oh My God! That looks like a lettuce leaf growing down there" to which the woman replied "Doc I can assure you that is only the tip of the Iceberg"

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

"You got Male!"

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said 'Unfortunately, there 's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which of one of you will be admitted.'

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to H eaven. Dolly took off her top and said, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.'

Dolly was outraged and asked, 'What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?

'Sorry, Dolly,' said the Angel, 'but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are.'

I am not sure if this should be in this thread or Munchies "Anyone want to loose some weight" thread.

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from de bloody skippin'!!!!!"

Umm. I was extremely drunk last night. I feel as though i have got off scot free. Sorry about that mekong - genuinely. I was a complete pillock.

Stan no worries, as I said, I was probably being just as provocative as yourself, sometimes my style can get to people more so than out and out insults. It was all in good jest and we have given a few other board members a laugh as well.

No damage done and welcome to the select group of pillocks

Stan,

It was me who you were attacking and I am probably as much to blame as yourself for adding fuel to the fire, I can be an antagonising prick at times.

It was all in good fun IMHO.

I was considering writing a long winded reply to this thread, but I cant be arsed to waste my time. Scam Artists require victims to operate at a profit, and there are a lot more naieve tourist victims in Thailand at present than scammers.

Victims adverise themsleves as such and are easy pray. Admit it, I see / hear so many stories abot tourist rip offs and Thai Gal cheats Farang, the Irony is just unbelievable.

Just read the Stickman weekly blurb and it seems that the scammers have stepped it up a large notch!

They chased this guy into the shopping mall, police were called, but the police did NOTHING!

The scammers roamed around and found this guys picture and he barely escaped in a taxi!!!

The shopping mall had videos of the attack, but the police were not interested.

Cav.

I tend to disagree, IMHO the OP was pushing a personal vendetta too far and got his come uppance, as has been stated both here and in Sticks diatribe, never take a crap in an asians rice bowl, rock the boat and you will capsise.

Scams, Crap, Bullshit, Corruption, call it what you like is part and parcel of Asian Society not just Thailand, and in order to survive, make a living and have a life here one needs to keep eyes and ears open and mouth shut, shit happens don't become a victim!

I feel that if he presses anything then he is sure to end up dead somewhere...

Pushing is a better word ... as in pushing up the roses.

And in Sticks column he refers to him as "a long time Stickman reader - and a friend"

Part of Darwins theory of evolution was how the gene pool found its own levels!

Neo,

For a start read what rchapstick said and what I agreed with

Any idiot with an internet connection or a copy of lonely planet knows what to look for.

I was not referring to a scrap of paper, but the website of the UK Foreign and Commonwealth Office, Travel Advice for Thailand.

As for scams that are not on the list I agree totally, but the OP is only referring to one Scam, and making the statement "The Word Isn't Out", something I demonstrated to be an incorrect statement.

I have to agree with rchapstick on this,

Taken from UK Foreign Office own website.

Crime

 

Ten British nationals have been murdered in Thailand since January 2005.

 

Unlicensed taxis and minibuses often overcharge tourists for airport transfers. You should ensure that the driver has a working meter or agree a charge for the ride before taking it. There is a cheap, reliable airport bus service to the centre of Bangkok.

 

Watch out for crimes of opportunity. Theft of passports and credit cards is a problem. Passport fraud is high and penalties are severe.

 

There has been a number of incidents where tourists have had their drinks drugged (in both tourist areas and red light districts). You should be careful about taking drinks from strangers and be wary at clubs and parties, particularly in the Koh Samui area and at the Full Moon party on Phangan Island where incidences of date rape have been reported. A number of British nationals have suffered severe psychiatric problems as a result of drug use, in a small number of cases resulting in suicide.

 

We continue to receive reports of sexual offences committed against foreign women and men. In January 2006, three British women were raped in separate incidents in Thailand, including one who was murdered. Female travellers in particular should maintain a high state of personal awareness during their time in Thailand.

 

[color:red]You should beware of being approached by strangers who offer to take you to gem shops. Once in the shop you may be asked to purchase gems on your credit card. The gems are sent to your home address in the UK. However, they are rarely worth the value you pay for them. It is very difficult to get your money returned as the shops shut down quickly and re-open somewhere else.[/color]

 

You should report any incidents of crime to the Thai police before leaving the country.

 

For more general information please see Victims of Crime Abroad

It would appear the word IS OUT!