Mekong

Hampshire police thought it would be a good idea to advertise on the rear of a bus. Their planning did not take into account the position of the exhaust pipe.

Hi,

 

"KS was confused enough with the joke, you will have totaly lost him with that comment."

 

Yep, pretty much

 

Sanuk!

KS,

The "must be a cat with no tail thing.......... " line was referance to my birth place The Isle of Man also referred to as 70,000 alcoholics clinging to a rock. The Manx Cat is famous for being tailess

must be a cat with no tail thing

Come on SJ ... KS was confused enough with the joke, you will have totaly lost him with that comment.

Lost in translation

Cyclops

One I'd sounds the same as "One Eyed"

Git "Noun. An idiot or contemptible person. Derived from 'get'. " Source

So One I'd Get similar to One Eyed Git (Idiot)

Hence the Cyclops hit him

It seems Teddy recieved the same emails as I did yesterday.

21) Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.

Homer Simpson

Some good ones in there Flash, I liked

19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.

--Unknown, presumed deceased

The presumed deceased part made me laugh,

Touche

ijs5 joke reminded me of this old one

An Englishman an Irishman and A Scotsman went to a Brothel in Amsterdam and were told that the going rate was â?¬25 / inch.

A couple of hours later after doing the dirty deed they were chatting to each other outside, the Englishman said " Not bad for â?¬200" the Irishman, somewhat bragging said" I paid â?¬250" then the Scotsman added "Well I only paid â?¬75"

The Englishman and Irish looked at the Scotsman and burst out laughing â?¬75 ha ha ha, the Scotsman replied "I don't know what you're both laughing at, I paid on the way out"

Following the death of Pavarotti the Three Tenors will now be known as 20 Quid!

Just Teasing ... Being a "Professional Pedantic Asshole" is part of my job description and it has been one of those days today.

Rather than let off steam here I think I will take the 200 Meter stroll down Soi AR and into Soi 6 instead, having digs in Pattaya for work sure beats anywhere I ever was in the ME

No, they are at the ticket office

The 'Punchline' is the part of the joke where one laughs. If you started laughing before you got to "ticket, please", you must have a strange sense of humour.

I did not Laugh due to the poor delivery of the (non) joke

Now if you Laughed it must be your sense of humour that is in question, or maybe ones lack of ability to comprehend the written word in front of you.

Line 5 was Outbound Journey, I see that

The alledged joke is about the return journey

OK lets put it in simple English

Tickets Please as a stand alone punchline is not funny but

The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Scots leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Englishmen are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

But since there were Scots in each restroom where did one of the Scots go to knock on the Door of the Englismens restroom, they were not even on the Train!

"Watch and you'll see," says one of the Scotsmen. When they board the train the three Scots cram into a toilet and the three Scots cram into another one nearby.

Always proof read your punchline ... its what makes a joke work!

while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

Before Marriage......

Boy: Yes. At last! It was so hard to wait.

Girl: Do you want me to leave?

Boy: No! Don't even think about it.

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Of course! Over and over!

Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?

Boy: No! Why are you even asking?

Girl: Will you kiss me?

Boy: Every chance I get!

Girl: Will you hit me?

Boy: Are you crazy? I'm not that kind of person!

Girl: Can I trust you?

Boy: Yes.

Girl: Darling!

After marriage...simply read from bottom to top.

There was also the real bar at the back, by real I mean concrete built inside bar with Air-con Pool Tables TV's etc owned by a Scotish guy (I won't mention his name) who before he bought it used to be a regular in Jools. Some of you may know him.

I often wonder what happened to him after that.

Chris,

The dignified way that you are handling the situation, and the odd asshole who crawls out of the mud, gives myself (and I assume others) a new outlook on life.

Seeing you handle your situation so well makes me realise that all my "alledged problems" are so insignificant.

This thread primary is about your condition, but I bet that it has made many people stop and think and to revalue their own lives / situation.

Power to you son, your openess has been an inspiration.

PS Arsenal Will be nowhere near the Mighty Man United this season ... I have to keep it jovial.

Junglesoup

 

Pigland, I m not at all insulted by your comments, number one reason being that you arent being insensitive on purpose. I think you are just plain ignorant...and it is insulting to anyone living with this disease.

 

I really hope you never get this disease...because I really believe you couldnt mentally cope with that kind of news. Your posting would suggest that.

Chris, :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

What a very dignified reply.

I was tempted to write a reply to that last night, but thought better of posting whilst drunk. I am glad I waited, your reply carried a lot more than anything I may of posted would have done.

Power to you.

I am not sure of the current situation now in the UK but in the late 80's early 90's the "Have you ever had a HIV test?" was a question on Life Assurance and Mortgage (House Loan) application forms.

The fact is having a HIV test is the requirement to obtaining a Visa to many countries especially in the Middle East

BTW.........

i didn't believe the joke about a talking duck in a pub was real either............

It was a Superior American Duck ... why don't you believe it

I must admit I am still chuckling at Munchies "Nissan Main Dealer" Joke, that was funny.

JS,

I can't even begin to imagine what thoughts are running through your head right now. I can't add more to what the other guys have said, but if it is bad news then fortunately you are in a place where antiviral drugs are available and in 2007 a lot more is known about HIV than there was 20 years ago.

I remember "My Scare" a few years ago, after splitting up from the ex-wife here in Thailand I had a Hedonistic 12 months and eventually got my life back on the rails and looked for work again. I was offered a job in the Middle East and had to fly to UK for a medical, 4 hours later I got a phone call telling me "there is a problem with your blood sample" but they would not tell me what it was, 72 hours later it was a relief to be told my Alpha-Gamma Count was too high (Signs of Alcoholism)

Stay Positive mate!