Palatkik

Google Pizza CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza? GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza. CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry. GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza. GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir? CALLER: My usual? You know me? GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust. CALLER: OK! That’s what I want … GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust? CALLER: What? I detest vegetable!. GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir. CALLER: How the hell do you know?! GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years. CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol. GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago. CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore. GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement. CALLER: I paid in cash. GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement. CALLER: I have other sources of cash. GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law. CALLER: WHAT THE HELL?!!! GOOGLE: I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you. CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…

Golden Oldies revisited: Camilla bought a new pair of shoes for her wedding day which got increasingly tighter & tighter as the event went on. That night after the festivities were finally over, she & Charles had retired back to their room. Camilla flopped on the bed and said "Please remove my shoes darling. One's feet are killing me". Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor......but it would not budge. "Harder" yelled Camilla. "Harder?" Charles yelled back, "I'm trying darling ! But it's just so bloody tight !" "Come on give it all you've got" she cried. Finally when it released, Charles let out a big groan, and Camilla exclaimed, "There ! Oh God, that feels so good." In their bedroom next door the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said, "See I told you she was still a virgin with a face like that!" Meanwhile back in the other bedroom Charles was attempting to remove the other shoe when he cried out, "Oh god, darling this ones even tighter". At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen, "That's my boy, once a navy man.........always a navy man!"

be warned you won't be able to un see this...

Pop Aye [2017] Low key Thai road trip tragicomedy of a property developer who buys an elephant he recognizes on the streets of Bangkok and returns together to their roots in Loie province. One of the better Thai movies of late available online now.

The Last Movie Star [2018] Burt Reynolds takes a self indulgent look at his life in the movies thro the eyes of a fictitious actor. Interesting scenes of the octogenarian acting with his much younger self by some camera trickery. Worth a look, well acted light entertainment.

The Disaster Artist [2017] Films about film makers can come across as self indulgent for some, but this is a funny and poignant tragicomedy based on the true story of the making of the 2003 US flick 'The Room' that gained cult status as one of the worst movies ever made. Worth seeing.

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise, and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf; I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!" Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker." Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

On Chesil Beach [2018] Based on an award winning book, a look back at a 60's English repressed couples awkward sexual encounter on their honeymoon that left them wondering what might have been. Average at best with a contrived old age makeup ending that always seems daft. Some nice shots of the beach.

Sign up for an international IPTV service by month or year and watch all the channels in HD or FHD. No need for cable, just internet access. Even works on my DTAC 10mbps prepaid mobile hotspot when I don't have ADSL or fiber connection. Works on any device connected to TV or portable on the go so very flexible.

Funny Cow [2017] A UK tragicomedy of a comedienne aspiring to overcome her demons on the non PC northern UK comedy circuit of the 70s era. The strong lead performance holds the film together well.

Dead Pool 2 [2018] More escapist nonsense, does what it says on the box, watchable and some laughs.