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jai-dee

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About jai-dee

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  1. Try here: http://translate.google.com/#la|en|
  2. Puns for Educated Minds 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown into a ki
  3. A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun..... "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says. This cat
  4. World cup After Nigeria was eliminated from the World Cup the Nigerian goalkeeper personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans who travelled to South Africa. He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.    ÂÂ
  5. Nurses aren't supposed to laugh ....... "Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. "I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my
  6. My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George. Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed us a bill for $350.00. I exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. I told the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. I insisted on speaking to
  7. Let's put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks, they'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment , wheel chairs etc. and they'd receive money instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They w
  8. The first blonde guy joke? The very first ever Blonde GUY joke...... And well worth the wait! An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.' The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.' The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna
  9. New sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed.. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.' ************ ********* ********* * MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine
  10. A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 'You talk?' he asks. 'Yep,' the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the
  11. Q: What is the difference between love, true love and showing off? A: Spit, swallow, gargle
  12. These are actual comments left on Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips: "A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call." "Escalators would help on steep uphill sections." "Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness." "Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands." "Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use wa
  13. THESE ARE TAKEN FROM REAL RESUMES AND COVER LETTERS AND WERE PRINTED IN THE JULY 21, 1997 ISSUE OF FORTUNE MAGAZINE. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. It's best for employers that I not work with people. Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience. You will want me to be Head
  14. REFERENCE THE BOSS ASKED FOR A LETTER DESCRIBING BOB SMITH: Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his fie
  15. A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns t
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