bust

Isn't Mr Grumpy in Dubai.....could catch up with him.

That means it would cost me around HK$1400 for an empty

Why would you go to Hong Kong to meet a Thai girl? Some very cute chinese girls in Honkers. Dozen massage parlours in Hong Kong island and even more in Kowloon. Most of them have women from the Philippines, Thailand, Malaysia as well. In Hong Kong, prostitution is legal, as long as it is one woman who is a legal resident so always be aware of the risks. In the clubs you will find all kind of Hong Kong girls. Some are strictly in it for the money, well others are actually looking for steady boyfriends. Now has anyone been to Macau? Interested to hear their thought.

Depp played HST so well. Remind me to tell you the story of my mates interview with him and the Glen Fry incident next time we talk.

Went and saw the Clash in Sydney on their magnificent seven tour during the '80s Saw these guys too...... :bangit: 1eyROvw6zbY

USA USA

OzP-KvfC8QQ

Watched The Sting last night on cable. What a CLASSIC

HH I couldn't agree more....maybe put it in the Social Issues section......

Man lights up a cigarette and a guy in a wheelchair comes up and says "why do you smoke?" to which he replies "why do you wear shoes?"

Dinner For Schmucks........very very funny. AuN0rm4Ln94&feature=channel

An old hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The old hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the old hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The old hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and convinced her you are God you could command her to have sex with you." The old hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The old hippie agrees to this and has fantastic bum sex with the nun. After the old hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the robe and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!" The nun then jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"

You have more than one daughter

iWE49OOoBdg&feature=player_embedded

Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port. About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze! "Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate. "First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so. Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled without casualties. A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two pirate sloops! "Captain, captain, what should we do?" "First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration. The first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt. "It's simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not show, and the crew continues to fight without fear." A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy's armada were approaching! "Captain, captain, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?" The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker. Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate.... bring me my brown pants!"

Burn After Reading (2nd time) still a good laugh

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked,"What in The world are you doing?" The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone." The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, ."Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone." A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?" The husband replied, "I am a 55 year old father with a 35 year old unmarried daughter. What the hell do you think I am doing? I'm watching Football with my son-in-law. Please bring us another beer"

I really enjoyed Blame It On Rio....relate to the Michael Caine and Michelle Johnson characters. She was hot

A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!" So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other. "Man," the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink shots that fast!" "You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have," the guy says. "Oh my God," says the bartender, "what do you have?" "50 cents."

This guy walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache". His wife, still lying in bed looks up. "If I may correct you dear. That is a sheep". The guy replies "If I may correct you dear. I wasn't talking to you".

Three ladies are at the doctor for an IQ test. The doctor says to the first lady, "What is three times three"? "274" was her reply. The doctor says to the second lady, "It's your turn. What is three times three"? "Tuesday" replies the second lady. The doctor says to the third lady, "OK, AQ your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says AQ. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple" says AQ. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday".

Half way through Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Went and saw the Soloist....very disappointed.

Tiger Woods drives his huge Volvo into a garage in Cork, on his tour of Ireland. The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Cork manner, unawares as to who the golf pro. is.... "Top of the morning to you etc., etc" Tiger Woods bends down to pick up the pump, but two tees fall out of his top pocket onto the ground. "What are dey Son?" says the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger. "What're dey for?" enquires the Cork man "They're for putting my balls on when I'm driving" Tiger replies. "Jaysus!", says the Cork man, "Dem boys at Volvo tink of fookin' everyting!!!"

I've actually read the story about the Alton attorney...quite bizzare.

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?" "Well, you pay ten dollars and, if you pass three tests, you get all the money." The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests? " "Pay first", says the bartender. "Those are the rules." So the man give him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar. "OK", the bartender says, "here's what you need to do. First you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila ... the whole thing, all at once... and you can't make a face while doing it." "Second, there's a pit bull chained out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands." "Third, there's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm. You've gotta make things right for her." The man is stunned. "I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things .." "Your call", says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is." As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained and soon all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then.... silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large, bloody scratches all over his body. "Now", he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"