Fiery Jack

Junglesoup, Marvelous to hear that you continue to thrive. Your attitude is breathtakingly positive, your spirit immense and your heart clearly good, and I suspect that these factors, as much as anything, are contributing to your ongoing stable condition and current/future well-being. Long may it continue, mate. All the best. jack PS. Everyone on here says (used to say ) my posts on here are/were 'special' or 'great' or whatnot, but if I had to choose I'd give my award to your brave and dauntless post that started this thread every f*cking time.

Shit, I was doing a search for something else and I just re-read this thread. Jesus, I was mad in those days. I have no recollection of any of it. The demon drink. Time to hit the bottle again, then... Why not! jack

Popular UK t-shirt design. Work safe, soft lad. jack PS. For our American cousins, the face on the shirt is not Gerry Garcia's, it's this feller's.

Hmmn. Close call. jack Only joking, trying to lighten it up a bit, lads. Chris knows I wish him well. Or will do when he checks his private mailbox.

That really is good news, and your clearly strong sense of fortitude will be just as necessary and beneficial to you from now on. I was a bit three sheets to the wind when I made a rambling what-the-f*ck's-he-on-about-must-be-back-on-the-sauce post earlier in this thread. All (I think ) I was trying to say was: good luck, be strong, give thanks for what you have. Don't let the sun catch you crying, or the rain. Stay strong. Don't let life whip you. Tell it who's boss. You've got lots of friends here who support you. Even across oceans and in silence, we're there for you, with you, mate. jack

Junglesoup, I'm sorry for the shit I'll say now. But indulge me. In the selected parts of dreams, if we can do that, this will be my part. There is a door never locked; it is my door. And if it opens, and if it is you, you will be let in. You will be welcomed. There has always been a poetry of sorts in what I've tried to do, and it has led me wandering to love on here. I thank the friends I've made here; they know who they are. They know the messes and the joy I'm in, and I will be there for them as they have been there for me if they become awry. I'm bearing up. You must keep bearing up. There is that door. Good luck to you. I love you, man. It's just the shit we've got to deal with. That's all. You will be all right. jack

Japanese for "little pig"???? Shibuya's a ward of Tokyo, fashion centre for trendsetting young people. "Shibu-ya" means "bitter valley" (as in bitter or sour-tasting, not pissed off about something. Interestingly, the word "shibu(i)" (bitter, astringent, sharp-tasting) has come to be used in slang to mean "cool/stylish/sharp" when applied to a person's clothes or demeanour. I don't know if that's because of the Shibuya area connection, or unrelated. Little pig in japanese would be "buta-chan" (piggie) or "ko-buta" (piglet). jack

They say "all roads lead to Rome". That's bollocks too. The East Stoke Ring Road leads to Burslem or, if you approach it from the South, to Stoke City football ground. (If you want to get to Rome from Stoke, you need to get to Dover by stagecoach then cross the channel on a hovercraft with loads of other pissheads. ) Lying fucking eyetie bastards. jack

"It's better to travel than to arrive..." Bollocks. :: Me and my now debarred lawyer Jason Glasspipe QC were on our way to my old soulbrother and ace DJ Dr Muff Richardson's turntable session at the Swillers Arms last night and the taxi bloke, who was clearly aled-up smacked into the arse of a bus on the Burslem bypass. The fuzz were there like a shot so we had to sling the tar and whizz we were ferrying to the gig into a ditch by the side of the road. Was OK when we got there, though, because Smokey was "holding", and sorted us out with a bag of skunk weed. Better to arrive than travel, then, we all reckoned. jack

Yeash ? slightly off topic, but, they also say "you live and learn". Well, I'm 43 and I'm a hopeless lonely divorced manic-depressive alcoholic with no money or friends, so what the fuck am I supposed to have learned? Cheers for any suggestions in advance. jack

They say "never judge a book by its cover", but the hardcore anal porn mags on my local Paki grocer's top shelf are all sealed in cling-film, so a potential purchaser like myself has no option but to do just that. I wonder if any other board members have stumbled across other oft trotted-out sayings/"proverbs" that are, in reality, patently bullshite. jack

Jesus, she's tasty. Got any snaps of her with her pants off? :hubba: jack

It's all in fucking German mate, and (trust me on this one, skipper) nobody can help me pal. Jack

One of my old mates, Muff Richardson, is a bit of a connosieur and collector of hardcore porn-related items. He's asked me to post this because he's in a bit of a fix. He's currently on the lookout for any hardcore anal video made since 2002 featuring a white bird who doesn't have a tattoo on any part of her body. Apparently such videos are rarer than a penny black stamp and fetch amazing prices at internet auction. Can anyone help him? Cheers in advance. jack (on behalf of Muff R. :hubba:)

Listen lads, I can?t hang about. Sorry I?ve slipped under the radar for a bit, but I?m having to lie low for a while. Haven?t time to explain. But this fucking Internet café is crawling with the fuzz and it's hard typing with my hands cuffed together. I?ll paste an article from today?s local rag below. It?ll explain all. Never trust a man who doesn't drink. jack "(From the Stoke & Burslem Bugle 16/3/04) STOKE POLICE SEEK SH*T AND RUN MAN By our local reporter, Ron Pisspot, by text message from the tap room of the Pig and Ferret. Stoke and Burslem Police yesterday appealed to the public for their help in locating a man who fled their custody whilst under arrest in less than salubrious circumstances. The man they are seeking, named as Mr F. Jack, a long-term unemployed resident of Burslem?s ?Vagabond Ghetto? Caravan site is wanted for various offences including being drunk and disorderly, resisting arrest, giving a false name and address, assaulting a police officer, causing damage to police property, and fleeing the scene of a crime. Mr Jack and a companion, a Mr Muff Richardson, an unemployed lawn-mower and tractor mechanic of Crackland Estate, Stoke, had been drinking heavily all day at the ?One-Eyed Newt? public house in North Burslem, beginning with lager but quickly moving on to pints of cinzano and pernod sidecars, all day when the trouble began. Said publican and landlord Mr Sid James: ?They were both heavily intoxicated, but they?re regulars and good for my profits. Mr Richardson was quietly sleeping face-down at the counter when Mr Jack arose from his barstool and started picking a fight with the one armed bandit. He then removed all his clothes and began to sing a medley of Shakin' Stevens hits at the top of his voice. We had a female Old Aged Pensioners' coach party from Preston in at the time, so I had no option but to summon the law. By the way, we do Bed and Full English Breakfasts here for 16 pounds per person per night, with a reduction for parties of ten or more.? Two police officers arrived at the scene to find Mr Jack by then making a lod and lewd proposal to one of the senile female pensioners present, a Mrs Ena Sharples of Primrose Lane, Stoke, who is blind and walks with the help of half a bottle of brandy and a Zimmer frame. Mr. Jack was placed under arrest after punches had been thrown, and placed reluctantly in a police car. But the drama was not over. Woman Police Constable Sandra Baconslicer continues: ?I sat in the back of the panda car next to Mr Jack, who was handuffed and formally cautioned. He asked for my home telephone number and what colour ?brassiere and bloomers? I was wearing. He then began to attempt to bite my left breast and nuzzle his head into my lap. I was attempting to restrain him when without warning he let out a tremendously loud fart and, within seconds, the patrol vehicle was filled with pungent, obnoxious fumes. Mr Jack had clearly ?followed through into his boxers?: examination of the car?s soiled upholstery later confirmed this fact. The smell was so awful that I instructed PC Peter Pissflaps, who was driving, to stop the car and open all the doors to let in some much-needed fresh air, otherwise we would all surely have asphixiated..." It was when PC Pissflaps did so that Mr Jack made his daring break for freedom. He was able to escape without being recaptured and has only been spotted once since the incident. Local ironmonger, Tony Fartcushion said: ?This desperate looking geezer wearing smelly green flares, heavily soiled at the rear flap, and a Stoke City away top rushed in just after I?d opened and asked if I had a spare pair of bolt cutters I could lend him. I said I didn?t. he then saw that my security camera was running and left the shop in a great hurry without so much as a thank you m?am. Or sir, if you see what I mean. By the way, I?ve a sale on nuts and rivets at the moment if anyone?s interested in some top quality bolts and whatnot.? When first arrested, Mr Jack gave his name as Mr Keith Smallpiece of Bucketbong Street, Burslem. However, when the arresting officers attempted to confirm these details by radio, they discovered that Mr Smallpiece is currently serving a 2 month prison sentence for distribution of pornographic materials and possession of a Class A substance. The ?Bugle? managed to contact Mr Smallpiece, who is an acquaintance of Mr Jack, on the public telephone at Stoke Manley Prison. He said; ?Jack?s a good lad, just a bit daft when he?s had a few jars. By the way, can any of your readers send me some hardcore porn mags (ebony anal preferred) or a wee bit of whiz or tarry? And some Nivea after-sun cream if possible: I?m banged up in the same cell with this big African bloke and my arsehole?s burning like the back end of the batmobile.? Speaking from the chillout room at Stoke?s Madhatters night club last night at 3.45AM, Mr Jack?s lawyer, the Honorable Mr Jason Glasspipe QC, who has successfully defended his client on many occasions commented: ?Mr Jack is a much misunderstood man whom the police have a habit of persecuting purely on grounds of his rather flamboyant lifestyle which, for some reason, appears to offend them. He is a man more sinned against than sinning. The police have a very flimsy case against him. In fact, some of the evidence placed in my hands for inspection has already been mysteriously misplaced or lost, and several key witnesses have retracted their statements after visits from my staff. I have every confidence that, once Mr Jack is located, his name will once again be fully cleared.? Police are asking members of the public to look out for a stout man with a face like a sack of whelks, most likely handcuffed and wearing soiled lime green loons and a Stoke City shirt. If spotted, this man should not be approached, because he might be very drunk. And smell quite a lot by now. The investigation continues."

That's interesting . Strikes me, however, that we're all "time-sharers". jack

Says kamui: Time sharing scams are very common in south europe. Every year there are reports on this scams going on at famous mass tourist destinations like the spanish islands. The people who do the scams are very skillful in psychology and how to pressure people to sign a contract within an afternoon. As others said to buy 1/52 of an apartment for 25 years is quite stupid and often there is no guarantee that the buildings will be finished. If the buildings are finished, the quality often is very low and there is no guarantee for a proper maintenance. In any case it seems to be always a bad deal which could mean a loss of a lot of money and trouble for years until the time sharing owners give up and accept their losses. Exactly: well said, sir . A British bloke I once worked with was conned sight-unseen into buying a time-share "villa" in Spain. Job duties in Asia meant he could basically never get to the pad during his single alotted 1 week per year so he ended up giving the place away rent-free for that week to his mates (I stayed there once: it was a shitehole ? no hot water and perched slap-bang next to a huge rubbish tip : most years. It was in a very dodgy area and, to cap it all off, land subsidence kicked in after a few years . The poor guy had to pay for loads of repair work on the building and was totally stressed out about it all the time . Talk about a ball and chain . The tale has a happy conclusion though . He ended up signing the crock of shit over to his ex-missus as a "wedding anniversary" present . jack