Fiery Jack

As winter waits to swap the wings for center-stage in her white gloves and slippers, I will soon be sojourning in BKK for a period of 10-days, a trip I've been making about twice a year since the mid-1990s. Twenty years ago (when I was in my early 30s), a 10-dayer in LOS would've had me clocking up at least half-a-dozen different rentals, bird-wise: 6 or 7 different birds over 10 days. (I don't mean 6 or 7 shags in 10 days. I mean countless bouts of shagging, but with a variety of (6 or 7) different birds as opposed to the same bird.) Ten years ago (so I was in my early 40s, obviously, soft lad ), I reckon it would have been about the same. But, if I am honest and not spouting my usual self-aggrandising exaggerated shite, I wouldn't expect to be batting anywhere near that average this year 'bird-count' wise. Musing on the last three or four trips I've made to Thailand, I reckon I'm down to 2 or 3 different tarts per 10 days i.e. half of what I was a decade back. Plenty of shagging, and I'll often shag the same bird for 2 or 3 nights, but I certainly don't take as many different birds now. I don't think it's simply age: me being over 50 now. Up until last year (red-carded due to the sauce, of course ) I had a steady girlfriend at home and I've never felt randier or shagged more prolifically. So, I've not had a regular bird for over a year now, and it's been slim pickings of late: I'm carting my balls about in a wheelbarrow and gasping for a ride, lads. Therefore... I should be aiming high, quantity-wise, once I've set foot in Thailand. And, yet, I suspect it'll be 2 or 3, not 6 or 7. Did I weary of it? Did I become gentler somehow? I am two people, of course: the sober one and the drunk one . But they both seem nicer of late, and even the piss-artist shrinks at the idea of treating someone unkindly and without respect. I find it hard to go through girls like oblivious wildfire now: not physically, but (for want of any better term) humanly. Whaddya reckon, fellers? Vote in my excellent poll, and let's have your tall tales too. jack

Magnificent. Beautifully done. I tip my trilby, respectfully. Oh dear. The British bird, Sarah, who talks of 'escapism' (from 3:10 to 4:00) seems very intelligent, and she's beautiful too. I could love a woman like that. The rest of them: cunts. I'm proud to be a Sex Tourist if that's the alternative. jack

One of mine, I presume? jack

Er, the clue was in the Topic title, mate. jack

As I mused in another thread, 'Backpacker Culture', is almost exclusively portrayed in a negative light. Backpackers get very bad press. Some of them I've encountered in Thailand, mostly on Khao San Road, of course, are indeed obnoxious arseholes, but then so are many non-backpackers I've met, and indeed so am I, and I've met some decent backpackers too. Even the obnoxious arsehole backpackers (many if not most of these prats are British, it grates me to admit ) are often simply young and displaying the blithely arrogant attitude that only inherited wealth can breed and nurture in a lazy-minded immature pampered person. And the decent ones I've met are understandably embittered by the negative preconceptions folks have of their ilk, so tend to be frosty at first. I met a very tasty Japanese backpacker bird of some 29 summers on Khao San some years back. She had no money and nowhere to stay, so I played the 'Good Samaritan' card. We got pissed together in the afternoon sunshine. She was lovely, scrubbed up nice back at the Nana Hotel, and let me shag her all night as well. I shagged a redheaded Irish backpacker in Chiang Mai once too, I recall. She was a bit fat, but full of fun and went like the clappers once I'd got a few Bacardi Breezers down her throat. So here's a poll, so we'll know once and for all... Are Backpackers All C*nts? Feel free to demystify your poll-vote selection with anecdotes. In fact, feel obliged. jack

Yes, there was no better 'people watching' spot in Bangkok or, if there was, I never found it. I took a bird from there once too. Cheap and cheerful — a maze of stretch marks and a face like torn shite, but a genuine heart of gold, just like so many of the Golden "girls" — she remained my 'friend' for some years (and let me shag her for free (after I'd bought her enough afternoon booze ) once or twice I recall). jack

Munchman, my best unbeaten brother, you're either being brilliantly witty, deliberately obtuse, or brilliantly thick, mate. I'll generously plump for the first one. Here's the (having seen the movie, quite misleading) 'trailer': Not a bad film at all, as I said. Better than a lot of shit I've watched at the flicks recently. jack WHY WON'T THE CUNTING VIDEO EMBED?! AGAIN! MEKONG!!!!

Jack, That's because the hapless dude in the video is young and handsome and sober: three things you aren't any more, soft lad. (There. Thought I'd get in with it first, before any of you clowns piped up. ) jack

What's 'right' about that video (in my opinion ) is it presents some very positive aspects of a much misrepresented, maligned, and misunderstood culture. Thai culture, of course, soft lad. Though the same could be argued of 'backpacker culture', which is almost exclusively portrayed in a negative light, but it's not my intention to make nor refute that argument here. (But I will, a little... Backpackers get very bad press. Some of them I've encountered in Thailand are indeed obnoxious arseholes, but then so are many non-backpackers I've met, and indeed so am I, and I've met some decent baackpackers too. Even the obnoxious arseholes are often simply young and displaying the blithely arrogant attitude that only inherited wealth can breed and nurture in a lazy-minded immature pampered person. And the decent ones I've met are understandably embittered by the negative preconceptions folks have of their ilk, so tend to be frosty at first. But I digress... ) What's possibly 'wrong' about the video (to me, based on my recent experience) is that the bird that pops up out of nowhere to befriend our hapless hero isn't heavily tattooed, out of her box on yaa-ba, in her late forties, and annoying as fuck. jack

A film not as bad as I feared it might be: mostly pleasant, some good Richard Curtisian laughs, and the magnificent Bill Nighy excellent as ever. In one scene, the main character is on his first date with a tasty bird. She is a professional 'reader' for a publisher, and he comments on this: No wonder every cunt at work smirks when I tell them I'm off to Bangkok. Again. I really like Thai food, I tell them. jack

jack

I'll take that as a compliment, mate. I'd take it even more if I had any idea what the f*ck you mean by 'Jaywick' and 'new fire piece'. jack

That annoying smart-arsed drunken idiot with too much time on his idle hands Fiery Jack just started one, mate. jack

Google for 'worst hotel in Thailand': step forward the Royal Parkview Hotel Bangkok! https://www.tripadvi...el-Bangkok.html But Google for 'worst hotel in Bangkok': hello Ambassador Hotel! https://www.tripadvi...ok-Bangkok.html I stayed at the former once, and it was probably shit (can't remember, but the word 'once' might well be a clue). Never stayed at the latter so can't comment. jack

There's a 'safety box' in the room (4 digit self-chosen code). I always use that, with the code 1234 so I can remember it. Are there different/more secure 'safety boxes' behind reception? (Yes, I seem to recall something like that, but haven't used said facility for donkey's years.) Cynical, I know, but strikes me that booking into Nana Hotel then fretting about security would be like crossing a busy motorway blindfolded and worrying about getting run over. jack

Precisely my thoughts too, mate. HONEST QUERY: if GBB is no more, where's a barely-functioning alcoholic Nana Hotel resident such as your Uncle Jack going to score his first sit-down bracer beer of the morning when he's 'off the wagon' in BKK now? What time do Hillary 4, Morning Night, Big Dogs etc. start serving? Any other viable options on Soi 4/Lower Suk (by 'viable' I mean places where neither serving staff nor fellow customers will openly snigger or smirk or even bat an eyelid if you order a beer at 9AM then drink 4 more before leaving less than an hour later ). It's a serious question, lads. I'm a desperate man. Can't recall exactly but I must've made my first trip to BKK in about 1995, immediately hooked, so thus and thereafter visiting on average twice a year right up to the present day. For the first couple of awestruck wonder years I was still optimistically clutching at straws re. blithely maintaining the crazed and facile delusion (despite consistently overwhelming evidence to the contrary ) that I wasn't just a pissed-up sex-tourist wastrel, so I used to stay at the Siam Square Novotel, never once making it into bed before dawn nor out of bed for breakfast, and spending almost all of my time in Lower Sukhumvit. By 1997, I'm sure I'd have smilingly accepted my rakish fate and been booking into the Nana Hotel like a pig after truffles, and thus parking my arse on a Golden Bar stool most mornings, with all the other kindred like-minded lunatics and gypsies, tramps, and thieves. And that (at least the hotel), dear friends, is where you'll find me this December and twice a year thereafter until I perish of drink or they bulldoze the Nana Hotel down. jack

I'm partial to a good "hand shandy" every now and then. jack

Whereabouts exactly in BKK was that? jack

Yup. Like booking a swimming lesson then complaining that you got wet. jack

So Golden Beer Bar is no more. I had some good times in there. End of an era. Thanks for the golden memories. Here's a photo taken at 9AM in November 2012. (If I was in BKK that morning, I must've just nipped to the shithouse, hence the vacant pew centre-right, my customary throne. ) Where will we go now? And what of Nana Hotel Disco? Is that on its way out, or already departed? And what about the 'soulless franchise' bar that will take Golden's place? Opening scheduled for...? I'm running out of ideas here, lads. It feels like losing a limb. jack

Ha ha, 'Dude 22' isn't a happy camper. Saf 76760 agrees! 2Bacan didn't even book the Nana, but ended up there! Man, I can't wait to get back there. 28 days and counting, counting, counting. (Not that I'm counting.) jack

16:57: "He has warts, down there... His dick looks like a corn on the cob." jack

Ooh, you bugger! All this newfangled modern stuff's beyond me, Mekong, mate. jack

I thought this might be of interest. It's seems fairly well-balanced and unusually non-histrionic reportage of a topic close to the heart of most if not all of us here. (Venezuela, yet surely Thai-related, if only by theme and where one presumes the central head-honcho protagonist got some of his inspiration from, and hence I place it here.) Apologies if it's been posted/discussed on here before. I stumbled across it by accident whilst innocently looking for hardcore Asian porn. jack WHY THE FUCK WON'T THE CUNTING VIDEO EMBED!!!!!

That's interesting. I'm from the North of England, and when people learn that, they invariably tease me by saying I'm a tight-fisted drunken cunt. jack