The_Munchmaster

Absolutely, this is a potato crisps poll, no other vegetables allowed to be mentioned. Surprised that no one likes hedgehog flavour, not that I've tried them myself.

I did not know that! Potty mouth.

You could have voted for "Other (Please specify)".

You didn't indicate that on the poll. Actually surprised that you're allowed crisps with your fitness regime!

Presumably you get vegemite flavoured ones in Oz?

What's your favourite flavour? Mine's Worcester Sauce. :thumbup:

So which is it? "Never take a crap in an asians rice bowl" or, as Drogon says, "Dont break someone else's bowl of rice"?

Okay dokey. :thumbup:

"MYOB"?! You state on a public message board that he had "run into troubles" and I'm meant to keep my nose out of it and not ask "what troubles"?

What sorta troubles?

Was that meant to be a joke Flash?

How would they know? I wasn't wearing my kilt!

I didn't think I had any back then.

Why are tourists conned by these people? I can remember when I first started coming to LOS as a tourist (I started in 1988) and was approached many times by people like these when I was wandering around. I was young and probably quite gullible, but I never once accepted their offers to act as my guide or to take me to some shop where I could get a good deal on whatever it was. Yet others get taken in by this bullshit.

After sixty years, a Rabbi decides to retire. Taking the box of foreskin's he has collected over the years of doing circumcisions, he goes to a leather goods manufacturer and says to the man "Can you do anything with these?" The man says "No problem, come back in two weeks." After two weeks the rabbi returns to the shop, and is presented with a wallet. In total dismay, he says to the craftsman "After sixty years, the best you can do is a wallet!?!" The man replies "Don't worry, just rub it a few times and it will grow into a suitcase."

A guy's walking down the street and sees Johnny smoking a cigarette. "Hey kid, you're too young to smoke." Johnny looks up but says nothing. "How old are you?" "Six," Johnny says. "Six! When did you start smoking?" "Right after the first time I got laid." "Right after the first time you got laid! When was that?" "I don't remember, I was drunk."

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon: Demon: Why so glum, chum? Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell. Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Demon: Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more. And if you drink yourself to death, it's okay... you're already dead anyway! Guy: Gee, that sounds great. Demon: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it. Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay... you're already dead anyway! Guy: No shit! Demon: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do. Demon: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. We even opened up a pai gow poker table. Guy: Hmmm, I never played pai gow before... Demon: Well now you can. You like to do drugs? Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean... Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's okay... you're already dead anyway! Guy: yeah! I never realized that hell was such a swingin' place! Demon: You gay? Guy: Uh, no. Demon: Oooh, you're gonna hate Fridays...

I'm not so sure you did?

I was being feciscious TB, i.e., the jokes are crap. :smirk:

This ones even more hilarious (same source). Collateral Required An Amish man wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take some jewelry to city and sell it," said the Amish man. "What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book. "Don't know what collateral means." "Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?" "Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup." The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" "Yes, I have a horse." "How old is it?" "I don't know; it has no teeth." Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the Amish man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest. "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" "Put it in my pocket." "Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked. "I don't know what deposit means." "Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it." The Amish man leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"

Courtesy of jokes.christiansunite.com Robbing The Amish Two fellers were in desparate need of cash, but admittedly were a bit cowardly. So the one suggested they break into the Amish market. The logic being that since the Amish were non-resistant, even if they were caught, no harm could befall them. Thus they carried out their plot. However, just as they were breaking into the cash register, the owner turned on the lights and confronted them, a shotgun pointed directly at them. Calmly, the Amishman said, Boys, I would never do thee any harm yet you are standing where I am about to shoot. Funniest thing I've heard in years.

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'working girls' and take them back to their hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting cries of.."Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE UGH"..."Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE, UGH!" This went on all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was embarrassing. I couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed."

A Aussie bride on her wedding night says to her husband, "I must confess darling, I used to be a hooker!" He says, "That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it?" "Well", she replies, "My name was Nigel, and I played for Sydney Bulls!"

A history teacher asks a class full of kids "What was Churchill famous for?" A kid at the back shouts out, "He was the last f*cking white man to be called Winston!"

Classic.