The_Munchmaster

A big, nasty, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting in the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her.

At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender! I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"

The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down.

After she's finished the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and says, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again the little drunk slams his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender! I want to buy the ballerina another drink!"

After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and says, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"

The drunk replies, "Sir! In my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender:

 

"I'll have a brandy...........................................

..............................................................

..............................................................

..............................................................

..............................................................

..............................................................

..........and coke."

 

The bartender asks: "What's with the big pause?"

 

The bear responds: "I dunno. I've always had them."

Actually Teddy, the big pause was probably because the polar bear couldn't decide which mixer to have with his brandy. In the end though I think his choice of coke (hopefully not Pepsi) was a good choice as coke (Coca Cola) does complement brandy quite nicely.

It's a cracker.

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down and a lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."

Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up to him and said, "Your fly is open."

He zipped up and finished his shopping.

At the checkout he intentionally got in the line where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door".

He was planning to have a bit of fun with her, so when he raeched the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there at attention?"

The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags."

What's going on here Zob? You joined Teddy in his current Munchie baiting phase?

......The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket,....

It would have to have been a really big bucket or a very small goose (perhaps a graham gosling) for that to have happened?

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight over to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 nearly 100 year old people having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny, "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

At this point she stopped to brush away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive today if the ice cream van hadn't come along."

.....Couple of weeks later she comes round from the op and looks up to see three lovely bunches of flowers.

A pussy op and she was out for two weeks?

One day whilst driving along, a man knocks down and kills a deer. He decides to take it home with him.

 

He cooks it that night for dinner but doesn't tell the kids what it is.

He must have had a fucking huge oven!

BrownFox77 said:Dude, sadly no, but there were several girls working there that I WISHED were GoGo dancers...

Perhaps they do oral?