Life is Still a Magical Place

[zanemay]

I had just woke up from my afternoon nap. This waking up time is just about the best time of my day, especially if I had just come up from a good dream. I think I was coming out of one. The blackout curtains had the room darkened and I fumbled around for the remote to turn on the TV to give some gentle light. In a few minutes I was awake enough to flip channels and I caught a most special place - that place in ?Iris? where Jim Broadbent and Judi Dench are in bed and he is raging at her: ?I never knew you! I never had you! Everyone else had you, but where are they now!! I?ve got you now, and I DON'T WANT YOU!! I HATE YOU!! But I have you all to myself...except for your fucking friend Alzheimers.? Confused and a little shocked, Iris tries to calm him. The next half hour of the movie is probably the most artistic testament to romantic love and mature love that has ever been screened. Five minutes after waking, and still not fully awake, I am watching and crying and dabbing my face with Kleenex (Oh you cynics, you do not know Zane May!) and thinking how strange it is to be crying and feeling so lucky! Life is a strange and magical place!

 

Joop had left a few hours before, after giving me her beautiful young body - breasts untouched by gravity, stomach free of paunch - with an inner sweetness that matches her outside beauty. What a day!!

 

I have been back in Thailand for a month now, but two weeks ago I had just settled back into my room and gotten over jet lag. Having been away for three months I found a lot of changes with the women I was seeing before. The main standby of my last trip, a 51 (!) year old angel with a heart of gold and a very healthy libido, is now occupied with someone she met through friends long ago. Everyone I knew and might want to spend time with had either left Pattaya and gone home or was otherwise occupied. I was left to my own devices to find companionship, but I have taken a commitment to go slow. There were times during my last trip that I overdid it - too many ladies, too many times. For my own reasons, I needed that, but it?s out of my system and behind me now.

 

So two weeks ago...a lovely Sunday afternoon. I think back to something I wrote a few months ago (I told you so!):

 

?Every weekend, and especially every holiday weekend, Good Thai Girls come to Pattaya. They come for a little getaway by the sea and, some of the ones I?ve met, would also like to meet a farang. A few are quite happy to sleep with a farang for adventure and a little pocket money. (Good luck for them! Take a little trip and find a fellow to pay for it!) Some would like to meet a fellow for long-term love. Having no experience with foreigners, these girls speak no English. So with the smallest ability to speak Thai and a kindly attitude and good manners to match theirs, I have found these girls to be open to romance.?

 

So... it was a lovely Sunday and with such thoughts in mind and an always hopeful heart, I made my way down to the beach. I walked along from the old pier. There were droves of tourists out and about. Thai's from Bangkok, Japanese expats, and Chinese tour groups. I chatted with a Thai girl walking with two friends. They seemed to be weekend tourists, but the girl I talked with didn?t appeal to me.

 

After about a mile, I took a seat to let the world come to me and it was quite a parade. All the tired Beach Road veterans along a number of mothers with grown daughters. Fat farangs following their stomachs, muscled youngsters alone for awhile. Others with all sorts of girlfriends - some cute, some old, some engaging with their man, some frowning and keeping apart. No ladies of interest to me, though so I decided to move a bit and strolled another ten minutes, along to a big bench that I had all to myself. Before long three girls came along and sat at the opposite end. They didn?t look too appealing and although they were enjoying each other, they stayed to themselves. One was too chubby, another had a face that put me off. The third was better looking, but wrapped up in a long-sleeved coat. They only glanced at me from time to time and I was growing weary and ready to head in for the afternoon. But as I left I smiled directly at the girl in the coat. She gave me a nice smile in return that said she welcomed the attention. I sat down for a minute.

 

We all talked and became friendly. The girls were from Kalasin and had arrived on Friday. It was obvious which one had my attention and they asked me if I had a couple of friends who might like to meet the other two, but I thought I was interested in the only one with any appeal. I didn?t know anyone would be interested in the other two. So we chatted and pretty soon they said they wanted to go eat. I invited them all to come to my place and we would pick up food on the way. Delighted they were! It was all a great lark!

 

So...what did I have in mind at that point? A night with Joop would be nice. A long-term friendship? I?m sure I hadn?t thought about that yet although I?m always looking for long-term friendships here. She was cute and friendly, spoke almost no English and was quite young. Twenty-two year olds are not generally part of my repertoire. I asked the usual questions. She said she didn?t have a boyfriend, but they all say that. They all say a lot of things, don?t they? And we?re too smart to believe them, aren?t we? Now, two weeks later, after seeing her four times, I know that this time it?s true. Joop is the genuine article and it?s my usual great luck to have met her.

 

There was a hint then, that first time I met her. It was a hot day, but she was wearing that long-sleeved jacket. Later she told me she wore it because she?s shy and didn?t like exposing her body with short sleeves. Today I asked her if she has a swimming suit. She said, ?Mai ow, mai chawp! Aye.? (Don?t want, don?t like. Shy.) She made all sorts of gestures about the immodest lengths of swimming suits and said that if it were just she and I, she would not be shy. But she would never wear a swimming suit at a beach or a pool.

 

Looking at all the other things she has told me, that ?they? tell us:

 

1) ?I have never gone with a farang before.? True, because...

 

2) ?I have only gone with one man before you.? True, because the first time we had sex she had been afraid and she had had quite a bit a pain. She reminded me of this again today, when she was telling me...

 

3) ?I don?t like Thai men. If I liked Thai men I would marry one.? True, this girl is really cute, sweet, and mature for her age. I?m sure lots of men at home would like to marry her.

 

Yes, cute! Really lovely and sweet. After we ate it was obvious that Joop and I wanted some private time. I gave her friends 100 baht for taxi fare and they left. There was a bit of self-conscious giggling on Joop?s part but she got comfortable with me very soon enough. We talked about what we might do. I wanted her to stay with me, but she was ?gua sex? (afraid) and I told her we could just sleep together, no sex. She was okay with that, but after awhile she looked worried, ?If we don?t have sex, you won?t give me money?? I said, ?Sex, no sex, I give you money.? ?Oh! Why are you so ?jai dee??? (Goodhearted.) ?You are a young girl and I'm an old man. I must take care.? Pretty soon I went to take a shower and she came to bathe me, her standing fully-clothed outside the tub and giggling as she tried to wash and not look. No one had ever done this for me before - either they jump in the shower with me, or stay in the other room. It was thoroughly charming! And fun.

 

So, sitting back, skeptically, looking things over like a wary old pro, I find that I cannot see any holes in her ?story.? All I see is a thoroughly sweet, authentic girl who has come to Pattaya on holiday and met a farang who has taken a liking to her. So now it?s one of those ?be careful what you wish for, you just might get it? things. What in the world do I do now!?

 

Humm... She?s asked me to go visit her home in Kalasin near Khon Khen. (In fact she asked me about a half hour after she met me.) I have never been to a girl?s home upcountry and I thought this over. A couple of days ago I decided to go. Today she asked me how many times I had gone to visit the homes of pooying (girls). She was delighted that I had never gone before: ?Joop krang raek!? (Joop is the first!)

 

We had a funny conversation today. I asked her who she lived with and couldn?t exactly understand her answer. Laughing, I got a piece of paper and drew a picture of a house. I drew a mother, father and her. She said that was all in the house. I asked her, ?Zane sleep where?? ?Yu ti rongraem!? (At the hotel.) I drew a big hotel, with one lonely guy in one lonely room. ?Khon diaow, huh?? (By myself?) She laughed. ?Khon diaow.?

 

I know what a lot of people think should happen at this point, but there?s no sign it?s going to happen on either side. We?re not going to fall in love. Oh yes, I love her in a way. Who wouldn?t? But I?m not about to make any kind of commitment or get carried away. It?s not in my nature.

 

So I will go to her village and I hope we?ll have fun. I?ll be hit up for a certain amount of help for the family. We?ll say good-bye and I?ll go on my way to Nong Khai and Laos and then back to Pattaya. I?ll miss her for sure, but I will find comfort in others I know. ?When will I see you again?? the old song asks. That is a big question and unless she comes to stay in Pattaya again, the answer may be ?never.? A lot depends on the visit. So far she has been thoroughly agreeable and perfect - nary a bump in the road. If it stays that good, there will be a lot of missing each other when we separate. But how long that goes on, I don?t know. In a couple of months I will go home for four months. One can?t leave such a nubile young thing in the wilds of Thailand and expect everything to stay the same.

[carew66]

Nice one man. Very nice. Keep it up.

 

 

[luckyfarang]

[color:"purple"]I like your writing style.[/color]

 

<<She was delighted that I had never gone before: ?Joop krang raek!? (Joop is the first!)>>

 

 

[color:"purple"] Joop = Kiss, so she said: "Kiss first time" What an opening! I would have repeated this and kissed her. If she turned her head away, I guess I would have ended up with just a sniff kiss. [/color]

 

 

<<We?re not going to fall in love. Oh yes, I love her in a way. Who wouldn?t? But I?m not about to make any kind of commitment or get carried away. It?s not in my nature.

 

So I will go to her village and I hope we?ll have fun. I?ll be hit up for a certain amount of help for the family. We?ll say good-bye and I?ll go on my way >>

 

 

[color:"purple"] I think that this is a mistake. Going to a girl's village does imply some committment, and I don't do it anymore. If a girl is willing to risk losing face by taking you to the village and you not returning/becoming her sponsor, then by accepting the invitation, you are implying that there is some committment. Just my opinion. [/color]

[pattaya127]

I think that this is a mistake. Going to a girl's village does imply some committment, and I don't do it anymore.

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though you may not be wrong, i think we farangs should really enjoy what is offered to us. Much is to be learnt from witnessing family life.

Otherwise, it's too much looking over one's shoulder, trying to avoid any meaningful follow-ups to anyone we meet, constantly thinking, being on the defensive. Why do we have to think twice or thrice about anything coming our way in this country, and try to double-guess thais every time ?

I say: Maipen rai! She invites him there, in any country in the world, that is exactly what it means: hospitality. Then he can take it from there, and learn more about whatever happens to him, or whoever he meets. I mean, why leave home far behind if it's to create new hang-ups and "dos and donts"? IMO

 

 

[check_bin_krap]

"I think that this is a mistake. Going to a girl's village does imply some committment, and I don't do it anymore.

-----------------------------------

though you may not be wrong, i think we farangs should really enjoy what is offered to us. Much is to be learnt from witnessing family life."

.......................................................................

I agree P127. Assuming this is a grown up girl she can make the descision to invite/not invite and the risks involved herself.

 

Heck, this is the 21st century and while some old people have outdated ideas they are not that old fashioned in the villages anymore. Although it surely can brand a girl to make a habit of bringing farangs home.

 

Cheers!

[luckyfarang]

<<Maipen rai! She invites him there, in any country in the world, that is exactly what it means: hospitality. Then he can take it from there, and learn more about whatever happens to him, or whoever he meets. I mean, why leave home far behind if it's to create new hang-ups and "dos and donts"? IMO>>

 

[color:"purple"] I have had plenty of opportunities to experience village life and will have plenty more.

 

I'm just saying that why raise expectations and create a situation where a girl will end up losing face when you are in doubt about your future prospects with the girl?

 

By inviting you to the village, IMO it is a lot more than 'hospitality'. It is expressing an interest in a relationship with you, at the risk of losing serious face. If you know that you want to stay unnattached or that this girl is probably not "the one", then the negative effects of the visit will likely outweigh the positive. Just my opinion, trying to spare the girls' feelings.

 

My current girl invited me to the village, and admitted that she just wanted to "show me off". Both her younger sisters have already married farang. I've already met all of her family that I care to, and she was sort of a black sheep in the village. So why do I want to waste my time in order to impress her snobby neighbors only to cause my girl to lose face later? [/color]

[anonymouse]

"I think that this is a mistake. Going to a girl's village does imply some committment, and I don't do it anymore.

 

Maybe this is something that should be discussed with her first and get her take on it.

 

Apart from that I wish you all the best

 

[zanemay]

Regarding "Joop": That's the nickname I gave her to write about her. She is a good kisser for a Thai girl! ("joop" means farang-style kiss. They sometimes say "joop pak. (kiss mouth)

 

Regarding accepting the invitation: Everything is authentically sweet about this young girl. Her invitation, which was made before she knew me at all, but which she repeated many times after she knew me better, was for just what I expected. For fun, to show me off, and as I saw when I got to her home yesterday, to have me mingle with the family she loves. I don't see or feel her trying to build any committment. But I will write a bit about my day...this might get a little "trip report"-y, and I may eventually post a trip report from whatever bits I write.

 

Fri 04/04

 

A bus ride not to be believed because so many Issaners are going home for Sonkran. Sat with Joop and her girlfriend in two seats. That was to start out. Everybody was at least 1.5 person per seat. A few hours later we came to the first big city Nakon Rathasimsa.(sp?) I thought, "Ok. A lot of people will get out and we won't have to sit on top of each other." Thought wrong! Another 20 or so got on. From the on there were 25 people standing and we inherited a 4 yr old in our seats on the lap of Joop's girlfriend! But Joop is not too heavy so it was tolerable. Her friend was much more uncomfortable trying to sit on the aisle.

Left Pattaya at 8:45, arrived Khon Khen 5:45, Kalasin 7:30.

Kalasin is a good-sized town, roughly the size of Pattaya. First visited the sister's hair salon which was nice and neat and tidy and the sister was like Joop - cute, animated, modest and fun. Joop's mother came after awhile. A very plain looking, heavy-set mama dressed very neatly.

After visiting at the hair salon we checked into the hotel Limpow (sp?) undoubtably the nicest hotel in the county. A BIG hotel on the outskirts of town with a big swimming pool. It turns out the Joop had been pulling my leg about my staying alone and she staying with her parents. She is staying with me. Thank you Buddha!

After a nap we went out into the blazing heat and hopped on her motorbike to go visit the family. About 15km outside of Kalasin we turned off the main road into an artery that was lined by her village. It stretched at least a mile, and here she was well known, so we got many smiles and shouts as we rode through town. Of course it was quite a sensation to see their friend and neighbor with a farang on the back of the bike.

Joop's home was a bit poorer than I thought it would be. About half the house is two large inner rooms which are partitioned off into two sleeping areas - one for mama/papa and one for Joop. The outside porch is about the same size and runs the full length of the house. It's covered of course, with a cooking area towards the back and a tiled table and benches at the front. Mats are laid down in the middle area, and that's where most of the life of the house takes place.

Joop's father does not look like a match for her mother at all. He is a dark, short Issan man, who looks like he has probably spent FAR too much time doing stoop work in a rice paddy. But he was friendly enough with me and it was obvious both mama and papa love their little girl, although there was no kissing or hugging even though she had been gone for three weeks. The only one who really went crazy was Pookie, her minature "shaggy dog" puppy. Everybody loved Pookie!

The house was neat as a pin and I thought it had probably had a special cleaning for my arrival. Everyone knew I was coming as Joop has a mobile phone. Like a typical young Thai girl, she spends a lot of time fielding calls from family and friends, yak-yak-yakking, but never obnoxious.

As soon as I arrived people started showing up. A good looking man appeared from next door and Joop introduced me to her "da." (grandfather on mother's [?] side) I had to ask him how old he was because he didn't look like he could be either of her parent's father. He is 66 and has not a single gray hair. So Joop lives in her humble home with her mother and father and next door to a set of grandparents. Everybody seemed healthy and well.

I asked Joop if anybody liked to drink beer - silly question. "Took kone!" (everyone) But not Joop, bless her sweet little heart. I bought 8 large bottles of Beer Chang and we repaired to the porch. More people arrived. "Ma doo falang!" Joop laughed. (come to see farang) One woman had NEVER seen a farang in the flesh. Everybody exchange broad smiles all around and it was obvious this was a very close community.

As I cast my farang glance over the whole thing, I had two separate impressions. From the physical aspects - the village, the house, the dress of the people, it was obvious that these people are very poor. But what is amazing is that this does not affect their joy of life at all. Everyone laughed and were delighted to be together. Everyone was in good health and good spirits.

So we drank ourselves into a happy high. One of the women wanted to take a contingent to her house so I could sing karaoke for them. I said maybe another time. Big disappointment. The sentiment grew and spread - "we want the falang sing karaoke!" "Do you have farang karaoke?" I challenged. I think she said yes, but I doubted it. Anyway, I know enough about Asian culture to know how big a deal karaoke is, so today I went to the weekly market and bought a farang CD. One day soon the farang will wail off key and everyone will be happy. Pass the beer!

During the evening one off the men cooked up a mean fish soup and this was served with sticky rice. It was all very good. Joop stayed right with me always wanting to know, "Are you hot?" "Are you tired?" "Are you bored?" "Joop gua Zane bored with Joop." "Zane is not bored, tired, hot, angry or anything. Everything is fine!" Joop: Big smile. Five minutes later: "Are you hot?" "Are you tired?" "Are you bored?"

So far everything is sanook dee (big fun) and riep loy. (all is well)

 

Zane

[Guest]

Great Post! It sounds exactly the way it was for me when I went to the village in Nongbualampu last November. It was a wonderful experience. I'm going back the 16th to stay for a week with the gf and family. Also staying in a hotel, more for privacy than anything else. Have a great time ZM.

 

Cheers

[ranma500]

As cynical as one becomes, there are some very sweet girls in this country, and it genuinely sounds like you have found one.

 

But I suspect they often start as sweet, genuine, honest girls, and part of the reason they become hardened, money-grabbing and deceitful is because they have known a whole string of men who came on holiday, spent a short time, and then went home.

 

When you go home, she will probably go back to Pattaya, a little wiser, and a little less innocent.

 

I find this a very hard factor to deal with.

 

I recently barfined a very sweet girl, and spent a happy time together, but there was never a thought in my mind that it was anything other than a single evening experience.

I returned a few days later to the same bar. I had a later 'appointment' and had no intention of barfining anyone. The same girl sat next to me and when I had to leave, she seemed shocked, and asked why I was going. I explained that I had to meet a friend. She burst into tears.

 

I know that these girls can give Oscar-winning acting performances, but I think this was quite genuine.

 

I can certainly argue that I did nothing wrong, that I never lied, that I never encouraged any expectations on her part, but situations like this still make me feel like an arsehole.

 

If you are treating this girl nicely, if she is having fun with you, and if she is being looked after financially, it is only natural that she will not want it to end. Are you prepared for that? Can you really just chuck her back when you're finished?

 

This isn't meant to be a flame, just a sad reflection that the very qualities that we like so much in girls, are the qualities that our own behaviour helps to destroy.

 

ranma