Life is Still a Magical Place

[Redbaron]

And so it starts...

Sounds like bliss Zane. Have a great time, all of you.

[mongatu]

Says ranma500:

---

I returned a few days later to the same bar. I had a later 'appointment' and had no intention of barfining anyone. The same girl sat next to me and when I had to leave, she seemed shocked, and asked why I was going. I explained that I had to meet a friend. She burst into tears.

 

I know that these girls can give Oscar-winning acting performances, but I think this was quite genuine.

 

I can certainly argue that I did nothing wrong, that I never lied, that I never encouraged any expectations on her part, but situations like this still make me feel like an arsehole.

 

ranma

---

 

Interesting post, however, I think you did, perhaps unwittingly, create an expectation on her part which could have been avoided. All you needed to do when she first came over to you the second time, was to tell her up front that you had an appointment and would be leaving alone. But from your post, it sounds like you let her sit there with you, without making this clear, letting her invest more time with you (time that, from her perspective, she could have been more productively devoting to another prospective customer - not that she necessarily would have if she knew what was in your mind). Anyway, I think if you had made your intention to leave alone clear to her up front, then she wouldn't have had an expectation of a repeat experience, and you would have felt better when it came time to leave alone.

[pattaya127]

My current girl invited me to the village, and admitted that she just wanted to "show me off". Both her younger sisters have already married farang. I've already met all of her family that I care to, and she was sort of a black sheep in the village. So why do I want to waste my time in order to impress her snobby neighbors only to cause my girl to lose face later?

---------------------------------

 

sure, but that's your story. Why generalize and advise another not to go. I'd rather advise him to make sure the invite is not based on "go to the village, get married...".

 

[luckyfarang]

[color:"brown"]<<sure, but that's your story. Why generalize and advise another not to go. I'd rather advise him to make sure the invite is not based on "go to the village, get married...".>>[/color]

 

 

Yes, my story was a generalization, not same same Zane. It was meant to illustrate a possible motive a girl would have to invite a farang to her village.

 

Zane wrote:

 

"I have never been to a girl?s home upcountry and I thought this over.

 

We?re not going to fall in love. Oh yes, I love her in a way. Who wouldn?t? But I?m not about to make any kind of commitment or get carried away. It?s not in my nature."

 

My warning to Zane was meant to prevent him from unknowingly and unnecessarily causing the girl to lose face. Zane will be just fine whether they fall in love or not, whether they see each other again or not.

 

I am saying that by inviting Zane to the village, the girl is expressing a serious interest in having him as her partner, and he should strongly consider what it will do to the girl's reputation.

 

I am saying that it's extremely unlikely that the girl has a platonic relationship in mind, and if you can think of any other reason she would invite him, I'm all ears.

 

If you met a girl in the US and had no intention of making any committment and knew the girl wanted more than a platonic relationship, would you let the girl bring you home to meet her parents?

 

 

 

 

 

[zanemay]

April 7, 2003

 

Today I made my second visit to Joop's Issan home 15 km outside Kalasin.

 

As I said before, two things stand out: The people are poor, but their poverty is not making them unhappy. I think this may be because poverty has always been a permanent fixture of Thai society. It is not like poverty in American slums - a poverty that is really unacceptable to the people affected and unaccepted by the wider society.

 

At any rate, everyone in Joop's family seems very happy. I have clarified the living arrangement now. I wasn't sure which set of parents lived next door to Joop's family, but of course they are Joop's mother's parents. It is her responsibility to take care of them as it the responsibility of Joop and her older sister to take care of their parents.

 

Things seem to be working as well as such things work. Joop's older sister has had a busy hair shop in Kalasin for six years. I assume she is the main source of cash for her parents. The father works sometimes too - yesterday he was gone on a house construction job which probably pays him about 150 baht per day.

 

Yesterday was another grindingly hot day like they all seem to be here. Joop and I motorbiked out to her "moo ban" (village) in the early afternoon and I settled myself on grandma/grandpa's porch next door. Being old by Thai standards (66) they just putter around and sit around, so I sat with them. Their home is a big concrete room with a sleeping area in one corner and a chicken roosting in a basket in the opposite corner. Just out the side door is a bamboo coop full of baby geese. I settled down on a mat on the front porch and was happy enough just sitting quietly while Joop's sister, who closes her shop on Sunday, fixed lunch. Soup, vegetables, chicken and dipping sauce. All the food has been very good.

 

Joop's constant friend Fawn came over and ate of course. Fawn is a bottomless pit - a big, homely girl who has dreams of marrying a farang. I told her she would need a rich man to feed her!

 

After lunch we went to Fon's house for karaoke. It seemed like Fon's mother had been so gone on the idea of me singing the other night, but now they just set up the karaoke for us and went about their business. I had bought an English karaoke CD and they had Thai CD's, so Joop and I had a great time singing, being silly and making a video of the whole thing. Since the English CD had been made by Thai's, some of the words were wrong and some of the songs were unknown - where do they get this stuff!? "The Green, Green Grass of Home" and "My Way" were my best numbers, and Joop gave delightful renditions of a few Thai songs.

 

After that we went back to Joop's to wait out the heat. Joop sent me into the hong nam (bath room) for a shower. I scooped water of their big concrete vat and poured it over myself. Much refreshed I wrapped myself in a towel which felt so good I thought I would wear it for the rest of my life. Joop made up the mattress on the floor where she sleeps and too my surprise, showered, wrapped up in a towel and came to lay down with me. This girl does everything right! And usually without being asked. Even with the best fan in the house blasting away at us, it was far too hot to be together and after some tossing and turning, she went outside. I slept a bit, but the heat seemed to be coming from beneath me, as if it penetrated the ground outside, came under the house and radiated up through the floor. I did sleep a little and then, cooked to a fine medium-rare, went for another shower.

 

Around 4PM we forayed out again, this time to the lake by Fawn's house. I went swimming and had a diving contest with Fon's little brother, taking big running leaps off the shore, probably the oldest person to ever dive off the shore. Then we set off for what was supposed to be our main activity of the day, fishing Issan style, with a fish net that is tossed with a spinning technique and lands fully spread over schools of waiting fish. (Being Sunday, and having the farang-with-money around, the main activity was again drinking beer!) I tried throwing the net three times, and almost got it. Maybe another three hundred times and I could get it to spread out like its supposed to. That damn thing is heavy, too, with links of chain for weights. It was really the wrong time of day, so nobody seemed to be catching anything anyway. Who cares? We could live on beer!

 

After this, I also wanted to try rowing one of their boats, a narrow, narrow affair with the shallowest of drafts. The most unstable of crafts, we were constantly in jeopardy of being tipped out, no real problem except had a camcorder and a digital camera in my backpack. I zig-zagged along for awhile worrying Joop to no end, until she implored me to have Fon's brother come on board and take over. Somehow he changed boats without capsizing us.

 

Getting an endless amount of info and raising so many questions about Thailand which I will sort out later. One is...how can a girl who lives in a house that looks like a garage have so much social skill and charm? This is the same over and over again, but before this I never saw the home. Lek's family is better off. I only saw photos of her home. On the other hand, your circumstances were not so different when you were young? You had a tin roof and a concrete floor and a BIG family. For some reason Paeh only has one sister and neither of them have kids of their own yet. Some how they are being socialized VERY well. I need to try to find out more about her education.

 

 

 

 

[zanemay]

A lot of questions have been raised about should I have come to Joop's village and what it means. What it implies that she invited me, what it implies that I came.

 

There is no question in my mind that I should have come. I live here half the time. I meet girls from Issan all the time, have relationships and sleep with a bunch of them. I have gotten a tremendous insight into the home life of the folks of Issan. There is no way that anyone should back away from that experience. In this case, the situation is kind of idealized because Joop's family is a really good, strong, loving family. Not that I know everything and I do have a few open questions, but there is no "string of falangs" coming and going. Joop, as I said, is not a bargirl. Doesn't drink and probably has never been to a bar.

 

She lives here in Issan and is loved by everyone around her. I went out with a few of her friends and her to a disco in Kalasin the other night and it's just apparent that Joop is a jewel of a kid. She makes everyone around her happy. When she's with her family, squatting in the road in front of her home, she is just so "among her own." It is obvious that's when she's happiest.

 

I have a lot more to say about all this that I'll get to in a couple of weeks.

 

As to where the relationship is going or the questions about what it all means, I don't know. I was planning to visit for a few days and then go on to Nong Khai alone. But I realized time with her might be very short, so I have brought her to Nong Khai with me for a few more days.

 

But the "her and her people" is so much bigger than the "her and Zane" thing. To try to take a girl like this away from her family would be terrible. It would also be impossible to live around here. I also have a full life that I love in Pattaya and a wonderful lady in the USA. If someone can put all these pieces together, let me know!

 

All the best.

Zane