jasmine Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 [color:"red"] My point is that every situation is different - in the right team and with proper direction, even very 'ordinary' programmers shine, but it only takes one or two people in key positions to make life tough on everyone. [/color] Interesting and very analytical indeed. I find love is needed in a good long term relationship. Thai women (not all), mind you, are brought up to dedicate to their spouses without what we call in the West as "love". In the old days, women were told tat you would learn to love the husbands and IMO, it is possible, unless a bad feelings occur. I met several Thai women (yes, many of them were ex-BG) who told me that they really did not "love" their husbands, just "like", until way after the marriage. So, being together can bring "love". :: Cheers! :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted September 1, 2003 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 Hi Jas: Looks like you got carried away with the copy/paste function :: :: I met several Thai women (yes, many of them were ex-BG) who told me that they really did not "love" their husbands... Yes, and am hoping to hear the thoughts of those husbands. I'm sure many are aware of the score but have reasons for staying in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted September 1, 2003 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 no love no relationship Don't know about that, lots of reasons to tie the knot love not always one of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 So, being together can bring "love". ---------------------------- That is a very good statement. After all, it is not uncommon, and often the rule in many countries, regions of Asia, that parents choose for their siblings who they will marry. certainly, it was the case for my GF. At 16, her father told her to marry a guy, and she did. Thailand is changing so fast that it cannot work anymore that way, but in India, and i am sure many villages in Burma, laos, Cambodia, Malaysia, this is obviously going on, and may bear love blooming results, as they are not equating LOVE with individual and romantic self-pursuits. that, i should have posted in Oran's love thread, when i maitained LOVE is not exactly viewed the same as in western(ized) people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 I think that for the average farang guy, love is the mortar which holds the bricks in place. If you lose that, or realise that there is / was no "love" then the likelihood of it all collapsing around you is greatly increased. Its different with kids I suppose and love changes as the years pass but I think if it isn't there, someday you'll stand back and ask the question "why am I still here ?". In as far as one can, I understand the difference between romantic love and for want of a better phrase "a marriage of convenience". Whilst it doesn't seem hard for Thai guys to just up sticks and wander off, it must be hard for a farang to do the same, knowing that withdrawl of his assistance to the extended family will have a great impact upon what might be a considerable number of lives. But, at the end of the day, if its over its over. It will eat you alive from the inside out if you don't let go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 3, 2003 Report Share Posted September 3, 2003 So, being together can bring "love". ---------------------------- That is a very good statement. After all, it is not uncommon, and often the rule in many countries, regions of Asia, that parents choose for their siblings who they will marry. certainly, it was the case for my GF. At 16, her father told her to marry a guy, and she did. Thailand is changing so fast that it cannot work anymore that way, but in India, and i am sure many villages in Burma, laos, Cambodia, Malaysia, this is obviously going on, and may bear love blooming results, as they are not equating LOVE with individual and romantic self-pursuits. that, i should have posted in Oran's love thread, when i maitained LOVE is not exactly viewed the same as in western(ized) people. Let us not forget the 10s of thousands of 'mail order' brides that came to North America, marrying men they had never met, in a country they could not conceive of, with an often harsh and bleak reality before them. Love is something that is grown between 2 people, sharing adversity together often is one of the ingredients. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickfarang Posted September 3, 2003 Report Share Posted September 3, 2003 "If you overheard your faithful young thai lady telling her friend on the phone that she wants to be with you forever but feels no love, would you end it?" I might be upset, but no, I wouldn't end it unless she had been telling me all along that she loves me. Then the issue would be one of trust and truthfulness, rather than love. If you are uncertain about her love, but you are getting along and having a good time with each other, and when times get tough, if you can provide support and comfort for each other, then it seems the realtionship is working, and love can come later. When I was 6 years old, I thought I understood love. When I was 16 years old, I was sure I was in love. Again at 17. Again at 18. Again at 19, and that one stuck until about 10 years ago. Now I am not sure what love really is. It isn't eternal. As my wife pointed out, "Do you think love is forever? What about after I am dead and start to smell and have bacteria? You love me then?" (She is Buddhist). She has a point. I love her very much. RickF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted September 3, 2003 Report Share Posted September 3, 2003 [color:"red"]As my wife pointed out, "Do you think love is forever? What about after I am dead and start to smell and have bacteria? You love me then?" (She is Buddhist). She has a point. I love her very much. [/color] I posted once that "Nothing is forever" and got a couple of PMs that I was negative. Well, nothing is or does it depend how ones interpret "forever"? I'd rather like a song (US country song) that says "I promise I will love you for the rest of my life" and that is good enough for me. As a Buddhist told me once (she had been married for 32 yrs. then), "I don't expect my husband to love me forever, for next life, I want a new man". :: Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABCinBK Posted September 3, 2003 Report Share Posted September 3, 2003 Pattaya, Good post. What you say is true, in that Asians don't often expect Western love in a marriage relationship. However, specifically with Indians (as I work with so many Stateside), while many still go thru arranged marriages, many are very aware of this "Western" sense of love that Westerners refer to. An Indian friend of mine from college called it "romantic love", and Indians that have the luck, freedom, or courage (if they break their parents' wishes) to pursue and find it enter into "love marriages". A large portion of the Indian population, among Asians, appear quite aware and familiar with this romantic love. It's found in their songs, movies, and culture. You see the same in Chinese culture (at least from Hong Kong). From the interactions I've had in Thailand, and the Western media all over the place, and discussions I've had with my wife/her friends, the Thais are also quite aware of romantic love. It's just that many still forego it, for money in it's many forms and euphemisms (i.e. security, stability, etc.) A long time ago, I intentionally had a farang gf I didn't love. I did care, as that tends to come pretty fast if you manage to stay with someone more than a few months. Otherwise, I'd totally disregard her, ignore her, learn to dislike her , or even hate them. Then, well, she wouldn't have stayed my girlfriend too long. It was good and the idea was that if I don't love her, my mind would be more clear and I'd be more able to pursue other things, like a good life, early retirement, a stable future (again, these were and are only various euphimisms for making money). It worked out really well....until I decided being stuck in a relationship where you aren't in love can turn into a hell-hole. I'd realized intellectually how it would be, but when I was emotionally reminded of how being in love felt, I was able to feel vividly how it would be to be with someone I knew I could never feel like that for, for the rest of my life. It would be like being in a bar, knowing you could never drink. It would be like being thirsty for all eternity! The concept of being in such a relationship long term only works if the love can grow or if the girl (in this scenario) remains clueless to what being in love really feels like. There will be those, who like me, will convince themselves they can do it, even though they've experienced romantic love before, but at some point into the marriage they may well change their minds. I would never want to be the farang screwed over on that day. So, in my view, it's best to avoid being this unfortunate farang by making sure the girl loves you, and that she loves you (not your money, wealth, etc.), even if it's not the supposed "Western" love, pure love, or romantic love we're speaking of in it's pure form. ABC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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