Burned

[Guest]

 

It?s funny the places you end up sometimes. Places where you just don?t fit. That little cocktail bar on Patpong for example. A lot of places have to be closed before you end up in a Patpong cocktail bar, right ? But I?d been there since the bars were open. Sometimes I just follow my feet and they land me somewhere stupid. Joyfully insipid Thai pop filled the place. The kind of music to which cute young girls without souls jump up and down to half the night at some disco. And this place had their older sisters with pink highlighted red hair sucking primary coloured radiation juice in joke shop glasses through joke shop straws. On the plus side they had some Old Grouse among the optics. It was overpriced of course but sometimes I don?t give a shit.

 

I never really understood cocktail bars. I guessed some of those girls with the faces of women were just like the hookers dancing in bikinis. Looking for some guy to buy them shit and give them money. They had those cute slim bodies huddled into skin tight dresses that finished somewhere in the upper thigh region. One of them came and stood next to me for a few minutes looking everywhere but at me as if waiting for the farang to make his move. The farang didn?t make his move and so she edged away as inconspicuously as possible. I was in one of those moods where it all seemed like bullshit. I was more interested in removing the ice from the straight whisky I?d ordered.

 

I saw her behind other people. Not her. I saw her hand. Long elegant fingers holding a long cigarette like it was the stem of a champagne flute. Perfectly manicured peach blossom nails. It withdrew itself and the cigarette from my sight and all I could see was the milling anonymity of Thais who seemed rich but probably weren?t.

 

I caught sight of her again when a couple moved away from the bar to a small booth. She held the cigarette for a brief moment between her dark liver coloured lips. She wore too much make up but her features shone through. She had a soul. In fact she had soul to spare. And yet her elegant poise on a stool by the door was shaky. She looked like a woman who had just been hit. A tremor seemed to occupy her body. It was a tremor she held in place well but it was unmistakably there all the same.

 

I watched her for a few moments. I watched her in the way a man who has drunk too much to be aware of himself watches a woman. She seemed to have her attention on the door. She wasn?t looking at it directly but it seemed to hold her attention. And she smoked like someone awaiting the firing squad.

 

She looked back at me. Realising I was probably staring like a creep I looked away and glanced back. Her eyes held on me. She got up and came over to sit next to me. I didn?t speak at once. The one thing about sitting by the bar is that not everyone who sits by you is going to want to know you. Most will be ordering a drink. I looked back at her as she sat on the stool next to mine. Her eyes were still on me though the edginess of her smoking didn?t stop.

 

?Would you... like a drink ?? I said.

 

She nodded. ?Yes. Please. You American ??

 

?No. Sorry. What do you drink ??

 

?Yin tonic.?

 

I ordered her a drink and while I was there I ordered myself one as well.

 

?You look American.? She said.

 

?Oh ! What do Americans look like ??

 

?I don?t know... Drunk.?

 

I laughed. She laughed too but it was a short laugh. A very short laugh. Then she looked around as if looking for a clue as to what to say next. ?One day I go America.?

 

?Really.?

 

?Before have America boyfriend. I still have picture. But him not come back again. But I still know I go. I see man at Wat Po. Him tell me I go to live America. He say I not die in Thailand.?

 

I clinked glasses with her. ?Here?s to America then.?

 

She took a large sip. ?My name Sandy.?

 

?Sandy.?

 

?Yes.? It didn?t sound like a real name to me but I figured that on Patpong nobody really had to give their real name.

 

?Turk.?

 

?Turk.?

 

?Turk.?

 

She laughed and this time she laughed a little longer. But then the door opened and she was jittery again.

 

?Are you okay ??

 

?Yes.? She smiled.

 

?It?s just that you look like you?re expecting someone. Maybe a boyfriend.?

 

?Yes. But him not come.?

 

?Are you sure ? Maybe he?s just been held up.?

 

?Turk. You can take me go somewhere else ??

 

I smiled. Things were moving fast tonight. ?Where do you want to go ??

 

?Anywhere. I don?t want stay Patpong. We can go somewhere else. Somewhere quiet.?

 

I paid the bill, finished my drink, and we left. It was between Four and Five AM. The street was empty. A ghost of it?s former self. We wandered down and after a few steps she took my hand. Her fingers and palms were damp with sweat. A few late night katoeys in the early stages of their transformations were lingering outside the boxing bar. Normally they engaged me in some witty repartee about which one of them was most beautiful. Tonight they seemed not to see me. Sandy was my cloaking device. She wore a black velvet dress. An evening dress. As if she?d been to a dinner party and accidentally or cruelly been misdirected to the most infamous red light district in the world. Around her neck was a three baht gold chain with a tiny Buddha encased in Perspex and gold.

 

She asked me where I lived. I told her and asked why. She let go of my hand and ran ahead to get a tuk tuk. She negotiated with the driver and when I got inside the tuk tuk she held my hand again and leant her head on my shoulder. Her hair smelled of the salon. Her velvet encased flesh felt warm. Her figure was uncommon. The kind of figure you only usually see on Thaniya Plaza in the bars catering to the wealthy Japanese gentlemen. Not the classic Issaan figure I was used to. And her breath smelled of minty alcohol.

 

It felt odd. The whole thing felt odd. She still seemed nervous. Terribly nervous. But she covered it well. The lights shone in her raven hair and when she smiled at me I could almost believe that nothing was the matter.

 

?So where are we going ?? I said.

 

?Your apartment.?

 

?Just like that.?

 

She nodded ?Yes. Just like that.?

 

?No dinner. No flowers.?

 

?Turk. I have to go somewhere tonight. I make everything good for you. I make you happy.?

 

I was going to object. I was going to say something along the lines that if she wanted a place to stay she didn?t owe me a thing. For some odd reason these noble words never quite escaped from my lips.

 

The tuk tuk knew my apartment building well. Hell. A number of women working Patpong lived there. Along with a large number of women from the Nana Plaza and a few from the Soi Cowboy. I had picked the place for a good reason. We climbed out the tuk tuk and she paid him. Then we went up the stairs to my room.

 

She walked in stepping out of her shoes and towards my bed. There she sat down and lit another cigarette. I didn?t know the brand. They looked fancy. Everything about her looked fancy. After she lit her own cigarette she offered me one.

 

?No thanks.?

 

?You don?t smoke.?

 

?Uh..? I said fixing us both a drink. ?No.?

 

?Why ??

 

?Good question. I guess I should really start.?

 

?You scared to die ??

 

?Yes. But that?s not the reason.?

 

She leaned back on the bed so she was staring at my ceiling. I handed her a gin and tonic so she sat up. The makeup around her eyes was lightly smudged. She examined me with her eyes. I don?t know what she expected to find but I guess she found whatever it was because she smiled a very deep and knowing smile. Perhaps too deep and too knowing.

 

?So what is it you want to get away from so much that you leap into a tuk tuk with the first farang who looks at you ??

 

?I don?t want talk about it.?

 

?I was kind of hoping you would because I?ve run out of conversation.?

 

?I don?t want to talk about anything.?

 

She put the drink carefully down on my bedside table and put her long slender fingers into my hair. She pulled me down and soon my lips were on hers sliding on her dark, tested on animals, lipstick as her expert tongue tasted its way into my mouth. I found it hard not to spill the drink I was holding and pulled away in order to put it down.

 

Her eyes held mine as passive and yielding as the cliche idea of the passive and demure Thai girl. The eyes seemed to say ?Do anything to me. You can do anything to me.? Suddenly I felt myself getting into this idea and kissing her passionately. Invading her with my tongue. Holding her down and kissing her with force. Her eyes almost seemed to be imploring me to hurt her. The sensation of black velvet against my fingertips as I put my hand up her skirt to find her naked underneath.

 

I caught myself for a moment. Something was really wrong here. The whole set up felt like a set up. But then she pulled me back down so that I was on top of her. Her elegantly velvet clad body beneath me. Her kisses were frantic and wet upon my skin. Her body writhed against me as if she was trying to be free of this extra skin. The dress moved up over her hips so I could see the jet black hairs surrounding the pale brown folds of her cunt. I wanted to plunge my face into her. Eat her. But as if reading my mind she said ?No.?

 

I looked at her and she pulled me back so I was kissing her on the lips smearing the lipstick across her face. Making myself familiar with the taste of her. So much so that there was no longer any difference between her tongue and my own. She pulled back.

 

?I want you to fuck me. I want you to fuck my ass.?

 

I kissed her again as if she hadn?t said anything.

 

She grabbed my head and held it away from her looking me dead on in the eye as if she was near to bursting into tears. ?Fuck my ass.? She said breathily ?Fuck me in the ass.?

 

As if I?d refused to she pushed me away and slipped out of the dress. She sat there naked. Just sat there. Looking at me. She was asking me to fuck her in the arsehole but when I looked at her it was like she just wanted something to stop her feeling afraid of whatever it was she was afraid of. After just staring at me for a minute or so she lay back on the bed and started weeping. Some part of me thought ?Oh fuck. Hide the razor blades.? But another part of me saw her figure as she lay there. It was, even more than most, the kind of figure that says ?fuck me.? Her paler flesh and shapely hips and arse just seemed to call to something primal.

 

I found myself undressing and laying up close next to her. Her skin was smoother than anything I?d ever touched before. And she pressed her arse against me. Pressed it so that the cleft of her flesh was against my dick. Pushing itself against my dick. She reached out a hand and held my head as she craned her head around and kissed me deeply and passionately.

 

As she was kissing me I used my hand to press my dick against her asshole. It took a moment before it seemed to open to the head of my dick and I was inside her. As soon as I was her kisses became wild she was sighing and breathing irregularly. She pushed more and I was inching further and further dryly inside her. It felt tight and uncomfortable for me. Maybe for her too.

 

?I need condom.?

 

She answered this with a deeper passionate kiss. And she pushed her ass so that my dick was entirely inside her. The tightness was almost too much. Both the pain and the sense of wanting to come almost straight away were intense. But the sense of being inside her and holding her perfect flesh seemed more intense than the discomfort. It was like my brain wasn?t hardwired to appreciate the situation and I was just gone. We stayed very very still like this for a while. Then it started to feel more comfortable. It started to feel that I wanted to lie there with my dick in her ass for all time. The soft flesh of her cheeks pressing against me. An intensity that was almost too much to bear.

 

She took my fingers and dug them into her cunt. It seemed soaked in oily come. So, as the minutes passed did her asshole. She started sliding against me and I was able to pull slowly out and then push in again without the same sense of dryness. Soon I was fucking her like we had used KY. I pushed her on to her belly and was fucking her and fucking her cunt at the same time with my fingers. She was moaning and gasping and crying and shaking. Her flesh quivering as I slapped into her again and again and again.

 

The orgasm cracked through my whole body like a bolt of lightning. It was close to pain. Like a white light bursting through me. She rolled back on to her side and held me their against her. We lay there for what seemed to be an age. Neither of us saying a thing. As I came down I started to feel that sense of strangeness again. I started to feel that something very weird had just happened.

 

We lay there. Awake. Unspeaking. Unmoving. She turned around to face me and kissed me.

 

She moved away and looked me in the eyes and said ?You love me ??

 

Without even thinking about it I said ?I love you.?

 

?You want me stay with you.?

 

I nodded like a stupid dog with a new owner.

 

I didn?t sleep but I watched her sleep. I watched her beautiful naked flesh and I almost wanted to weep because I could never possess her completely. I was fucked up.

 

Morning came and as she was waking up I started to go to sleep.

 

A phone rang. I say a phone rang. That?s not strictly true. A phone played the first bar of Toccata and Fugue in an abominably high pitch.

 

?Mushi mushi.? Were the only words I recognised. The rest was a torrent of Japanese.

 

She clicked the phone and put it back in her bag. Then she came back and lay beside me. She faced me and looked me in the eye.

 

?You can take me to America ??

 

?I?m not American.? I said.

 

She nodded as if she knew this already and was just checking I hadn?t changed nationalities in the night.

 

?You can take me anywhere.?

 

?I live here.?

 

?You not have to live here. Wherever you go you can take me with you.?

 

I held her close to me. I held her and held her. I held her because I was scared if I looked her in the eye I?d start talking bullshit and making stupid promises and all the rest of the dumb shit a man can do.

 

?If you want take me I go with you.?

 

?Who was on the phone ??

 

?The phone ??

 

?Who called ??

 

?Man called. Same man want me wait him Patpong.?

 

?Oh.?

 

?I not love him.?

 

?But you?re scared of him.?

 

?No. I not scare man Yiipun. Him good man.?

 

?But you?re scared of someone.?

 

She was quiet for a long time. Then she leaned across to her bag and took out her cigarettes. She lit one and smoked it blowing out small plumes of great art into the air. When she finished that one she lit another. She wasn?t going to tell me anything.

 

When she finished the second cigarette she leant across my chest and kissed me there. I leant my hand on her back and looked at her. There are some perfect moments where you suddenly find yourself with a woman that you almost can?t believe is with you. Someone who reminds you of Mozart and Cezanne and all the fucking wonderful things in the world. I didn?t know how she was with me. I didn?t know why. But I was happy and didn?t want to blow it all by thinking too much. I saw the small burns on her collarbone. Nasty little burns. A bit like plastic on cotton. Very small. No larger than the tip of a cigarette. But a few of them. A bit too neat.

 

I held on to her and held on to her. And I wept.

 

Later on she engineered an argument. I say she engineered it because she kind of had it without me saying anything. In her staged fury she got dressed and made up and ready to go. Then, as if in remorse, she kissed me on the forehead and said she?d come back.

 

That was six years ago.

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

Another mesmorizing read. Thank you.

 

Glad you're back, I missed you yesterday. "Never on a Sunday :beer:"

 

Have my 'Turk' fix now.............until the next one.....

[BelgianBoy]

Turk,

 

Awesome, make sure to keep them coming !

 

Cheers !

[bangkokbutcher]

Even better than the last.

 

Fantastic work Turk.

 

Ever considered taking this sort of thing up full time, or perhaps maybe you already have ::

[spike]

one of your best works. i wonder if she found someone to take her away from the hell she was experiencing?