Guest Posted December 22, 2003 Report Share Posted December 22, 2003 So I am e-mail corresponding with a Thai girl and she ask me: "Do you know...why farang want to marry Thai girl even they know that sin sod is expensive?" I responded: Well, I think that Thai ladies are soo sexy and wonderful that a guy just can not help to fall in love with such a lovely young lady. Maybe Farangs watch too many hollywood movies where two people fall in love and overcome impossible odds and achieve miricales with the power and passion of love......I guess the hollywood movies never show people trying to overcome sin sod/dowery issue in Asian culture..... Other than the explination above, I could only guess that maybe Farang think that Thai culture does not apply to them because it is not their culture. Maybe Farang think that they are such special people, that sin sod does not apply to them? Maybe the Farang have a fantasy that it is enough for the Thai families that their daughters found a good guy who loves them and provides them with a better lifestyle and brighter future? Maybe Farangs think that that Thailand is such a developing country, that sin sod is really a tradition of the past? I would imagine that for many Farang, they wonder if they are getting taken advantage of? I think that is it good that I have learned before that in Thai culture, even poor farm families have taken out a mortage on thier farm so that they can pay 50,000 baht for thier son to marry into a good family. I have heard before that now, a family asking for 100,000 baht is not uncommon. In America, this is about $2500 USD. I read a story on the internet of a Farang who offered a family 100,000 baht and the mother insisted on 300,000 baht. This is about $7,500 USD and is a LARGE amount of money for most Farangs. In this case, I think the guy has dropped the issue of marrying the daughter who is 36. I think Farangs get confused on how the whole sin sod thing works. They ask Thai men, and the Thai men tell them that it depends on the age, and education of the girl. A girl who is a Chula graduate would be 100,000 baht and some gold for sure and a girl from a small villiage would be 20,000 baht and less gold. Then for some ricer Thai familes, Sin sod is just for show and the family return the money back to the newly wedds. I think the sin sod thing is confusing because tradition can often get confused with family greed. I know I would lose face if I offered a family 100,000 baht of my hard earned money and then they demended 300,000 baht. Another concept a farang as trouble understanding is that you pay sin sod because the family took care of the girl for all of those years and fed her. To a Farang, you are supposed to do that anyway! I think farangs do not really understand how difficult life can be in Thailand to care for a family. Here in America, if you are poor, the government gives you money for food, medical care, a home, and other stuff so you can live. I know this is not the case in Thailand! I am not really sure how I feel about sin sod. From what I have learned, it can be a very delicate bargain process because "face" (sae na) can be lost easily with small mistakes. OK, did I leave anything out? Was I too harsh? Let the :onfire: :onfire: :onfire: begin!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted December 22, 2003 Report Share Posted December 22, 2003 Hi If you love the girl ..so what! First you talk with the ""family"" older members of the family.......they will let you know what is expected of you. Talk it over..offer what you can ...is not an auction for the lady. I think you have been told some horror storied about sinsod.. Love for the girl and her family will over come this. Talk..and no lost face imo. BTW if you are having problems about sinsod ..what is ahead...pay what you can enjoy the life together. I paid 100k plus aircon for a couple of rooms....the home will end up in my wifes/sisters hands at some point . Many..just give it back to the couple . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted December 22, 2003 Report Share Posted December 22, 2003 >I read a story on the internet of a Farang who offered a family 100,000 baht and the mother insisted on 300,000 baht. Quite possible, you are reffering to the story that appeared in this very forum 2-3 months ago, by HSTEACH, one of our moderators. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pescator Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 Hi RD36 Another concept a farang as trouble understanding is that you pay sin sod because the family took care of the girl for all of those years and fed her Well, the same applies to the son of a thai family, doesn`t it? And yet he has to pay the dowry too when marrying a thai girl. So where is the logic :: But I guess I am asking for too much when asking for logic here. It is however my understanding that the eldest daughter of the family bears the heaviest burden when it comes to taking care of the parents in old age. Maybe Farangs watch too many hollywood movies where two people fall in love and overcome impossible odds and achieve miricales with the power and passion of love I wouldn`t be surprised as in many hollywood movies the guy is an old geezer and still this young starlet loves him dearly. Many thai-farang relationships likewise have this "substantial" age difference. Cheers Hua Nguu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Central Scrutinizer Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 Hua Nguu, Hmmmmm. A discrepency here. MY understanding is it is the YOUNGEST daughter's responsibility to care for the aging parents. Wonder which is the truth? Or if there are differing customs among the different areas and cultures in Thailand. (My experience is from my wife, who speaks Lao and is from Surin/Isaan.) Maybe differences within the Lao, Khmer, Chinese, Thai, etc.? Where'd you get your info on this? Just wondering why I heard the opposite of your info. Cent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 >MY understanding is it is the YOUNGEST daughter's responsibility to care for the aging parents. It was my understanding too but it appears not to be institutionalized. The youngest daughter usually is the last one to have her own family and hangs around longer than others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pescator Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 Hi Cent, Funny you should mention it, because that used to be my impression as well. And by the way my wife was the youngest daughter of the lot (9) and it was pretty obvious to me that she was the one carrying the heaviest burden. Also before I met her. She is also from Issarn, Sakon Nakhon. BUT I recall Jasmine saying in another post that it was the eldest daughter and who am I to question a thai? :)I also bow to her seniority and I Greng Jai her and... :: Cheers Hua Nguu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 [color:"red"]Hmmmmm. A discrepency here. MY understanding is it is the YOUNGEST daughter's responsibility to care for the aging parents. [/color] As far as I know, there is no concrete rule on this. However, many older daughters quit school early so they can help parents. I have seen the youngest child (mind you, man or woman) take care of parents. In my case, my only brother, younger one has decided to stay in Thailand so he can take care of our widowed mother and it was his choice that he has taken very seriously. I just provided small amount of money to my mother on occasions which, fortunately, are not neccessary. One of the children is supposed to take care of parents, however, it depends on situations but daughters seem to take care of parents than sons. I have known a very well to do family whose 7 children send an amount home to their parents and a second daughter stay in the same compound of the parents so they have one of their children close by. A friend of mine who is a physician in Germany (the 3rd child), sends her mother (a very well-off one) money which we all know that it is saved, her mother never spends a cent. And she has a sister (middle child) who lives next door to the mother. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 and who am I to question a thai? -------------------------- Ahah, ask 3 thais and you will get 3 different answers anyway, to most of the questions we often ask on this forum. From what i hear in my GF's case, it's THEORICALLY the youngest who's to care of the elders,and she is also THEORICALLY inherits the house, or something like that. IMO, THEORICALLY is the main word in all this ::. Situations have become very complex and family siblings scattered and stretched out around the country and the world too. I think the thais have it right: a different answer from each one . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiHome Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 "From what i hear in my GF's case, it's THEORICALLY the youngest who's to care of the elders,and she is also THEORICALLY inherits the house, or something like that. " Are you discussing staying with the parents, cooking, cleaning, etc, or are you discussing going out and making the money. Two distinct, and usually, mutually exclusive ways of taking care of the parents or elders... TH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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