My Wifes Son Now With Us Full Time

[Torneyboy]

Hi

 

Glad to hear that.

 

Good luck for your future

[JJsushi]

Get rid of his personal television. A private tv is a sure fire way to not promote the sharing of family time and allow him to "retreat" to his own world so to speak. Watch television together and at the same time it should help him with his English.

 

Kick or throw a ball with him, every kid appreciates that. The best part about it is that there is very little talking involved but it builds rapport very quickly.

 

Make sure your wife allows you to be able to discipline him at your discretion. You cannot have a division of power and responsibility when it comes to child rearing. He may not be your blood but he is living under your roof and you are responsible for him.

 

Good luck at helping to mold a young life.

[Zaad]

He may not be your blood but he is living under your roof and you are responsible for him.

You should definitely remember this, TB.

[Torneyboy]

Hi JJ.

 

Good advice ..thanks.

 

We could watch dvds with English subtitles so we can help him to start understanding

 

Re discipline.....am taking it slowly.

Working on his manners and eating habits at first..just make subtle comments to my wife to follow up on.

 

 

I see you have had the pitter patter of little feet ::

 

I can give heaps of advice once over 17...but under i have lost the plot.

 

 

 

 

Hi

Zaad,

 

 

Will do

[JJsushi]

torneyboy said:

 

 

 

 

I see you have had the pitter patter of little feet ::

 

 

I don't have my own but I have been involved with the raising of others' children(friends family, volunteer Big Brother type work). There is a right way and wrong way and you have to tailor child rearing to each kid. I would say the biggest and most consistent mistake I have seen over the years with couples that have kids from other mates is the creation whether intentionally or not of division and isolation within the household. The children became private posessions instead of shared responsibilities. One spouse is hesitant to get involved with the child rearing because of fear, indifference or mixed communication about their role. The spouse may also not interact with the kid because of awkwardness with forging a bond, thus creating isolation.

 

The successful situations I have seen were the adults equally sharing all of the responsibilitites of child rearing. There was none the the "this is my child not yours" nonsense. The child was both of theirs in habit and spirit. There was no good parent bad parent scenario.

 

Children pick up on the nuances of adult relationships very quickly and they are able to figure out where the leverage is or the real power and how it affects them. Some kids will manipulate that and further increase the tension in the household.

Treat the kid as he was your own and don't be afraid of alienating him and don't defer to your wife too much in front of him. He has to know that you have power and authority in the realtionship and thus control over him, without checking with his mom first.

 

Figure out ways to build your own personal rapport with him , take him out with you wherever you go, whether it is shopping, for a drive or fishing. Don't use the excuse of the language and culture being a barrier, your not going to be talking geopolitics with him(after all you didn't do that with BG's did you?). He has to get used to being around you without the prescence of his mother. Eventually you will build a bond and you both will reach an understanding of how to interact with each other. He is 10 years old today but he will soon be 15 years tomorrow. Important that you have some sort of personal involvement in his development before all of the outside forces(such as adolescent peer pressure) start to affect him.