Torneyboy Posted April 26, 2004 Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 Just back from Los and we now have my wifes ten year old son living with us full time. A few hic ups with immigration but all worked out in the end. He speaks very little English....Alphabet and 1-20 is about it. So much for the thai school...i remember my first visit to the floating markets were they live ..and we went to the school to say goodbye to him . A teacher asked me if i could stay and teach English as they have no English teachers at all Has been a week now and he watches cartoons all day and half the night...i am letting things run their course untill school goes back on wednesday. The school is just across the road which is a good thing ...they have also arranged for a translator to be with him in class every day. Our educational system allows for this at no extra cost to the parents. My problem with all this is i have not had a young child under my roof for many a long year and will be a huge adjustment for me and my wife...we can't just do things on the spur of the moment anymore. My lifestyle will undergo a very big change...just Tv for example...last night a movie came on (cable) and a sex scene was about to happen so my wife changed the channel..ok but ! He has his own TV in his room but is not hooked up to cable..so likes to watch ""his""shows etc. His table manners are appalling...again i am waiting till things settle down ..but have asked my wife to address this as this my be a problem at school as well?..been living with grand parents for last three years at the floating markets...swims all day in the river and generally does what he wants. He is a very small boy and very dark skin due to his outdoor activities...my wife is trying to ""fatten"" him up by getting to eat beef and bacon This was not in our original plans but she misses him so much i agreed to arrange for him to come to OZ. Don''t get me wrong..he is a nice boy and i like him. But Sunday mornings i/we like to sleep in ""alone"" not have a third person in the bed :: Of course i will help him with English once he has his text books and so on ..but i am not sure how i am going to cope with the huge upheavel in our relationship. He is full of energy and wants everything in sight. My wife spoils him rotten...buys anything he looks at when we are out shopping....again i will let things go for now. Having had a marriage bustup (4 years ago)with my ex falang wife ..have two great sons over 21 and are a joy to be with....not so when under 14 years i might add. Now a new wife from a new culture and add a third person to the plot and i may well have a problem. Any ideas on how to stay sane and keep a relationship on track? In my mind we are still lovers ::..only just on two and a bit years together and married for two as of October this year. The little boy ""may"" become a problem How would you go about this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khun_Kong Posted April 26, 2004 Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 TGF says: make sure he goes to school everyday. Have his mother tell him not to watch TV all the time, tell him he must listen to both she AND you. She says son may have trouble respecting you because he does not know you. My experience has been that it will be hard/impossible for him to truly accept you as a parent. You should certainly discuss this with your wife and make sure that she knows what your boundaries are. You also need to know what her expectations are for the three of you. Children are never easy- witness yours before age 14. Best of luck. I'm sure you can get continued, serious support here on this issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 26, 2004 Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 WOW TB! Must feel like an asteroid just struck. I few frank thoughts... The lad is your wife's son!!! I trust you didn't expect her to neglect him forever. Is there no halfway point between spending days in Thai rivers one week to (public?) school in Sydney the next? Given his English skills, it seems cruel to be honest. Wouldn't 1-2 years in a decent international school in Thailand under more familiar circumstances be a better introduction to the English-speaking world? As for your relationship, you have a new role daddy, sure you remember what it was like before. Give him a few months and you'll hardly know he's there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous_Dog Posted April 26, 2004 Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 Maybe your other sons might like to take him out a few times, to watch footy, soccer, what ever. Make sure he can swim, bit late for the beach now I guess. Hopefully all the TV watching may actually help his english. Get your wife to get hold of Tahi-Oz newspaper, there just may be other kids similar to him in Sydney, maybe a BBQ so he could meet other kids, and also some tips on how to settle in best! JB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted April 26, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 Khun_Kong said:TGF says: make sure he goes to school everyday. Have his mother tell him not to watch TV all the time, tell him he must listen to both she AND you. She says son may have trouble respecting you because he does not know you. My experience has been that it will be hard/impossible for him to truly accept you as a parent. You should certainly discuss this with your wife and make sure that she knows what your boundaries are. You also need to know what her expectations are for the three of you. Children are never easy- witness yours before age 14. Best of luck. I'm sure you can get continued, serious support here on this issue. Yes that is my plan..am just letting a little time to settle in . After school goes back we will have a talk about boundaries and personal space....cant just come running into our room at all hours and jump in the bed etc.. I fear a long road ahead ...but will do my beast to make it all work...guess you marry a lady and therfore ""the family"". Thank your TGF from us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted April 26, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 Roppongi said:WOW TB! Must feel like an asteroid just struck. I few frank thoughts... The lad is your wife's son!!! I trust you didn't expect her to neglect him forever. Is there no halfway point between spending days in Thai rivers one week to (public?) school in Sydney the next? Given his English skills, it seems cruel to be honest. Wouldn't 1-2 years in a decent international school in Thailand under more familiar circumstances be a better introduction to the English-speaking world? As for your relationship, you have a new role daddy, sure you remember what it was like before. Give him a few months and you'll hardly know he's there. Hi you can say that again. Yes ,..International school in Thailand was my option. But she misses him and has been three years now ..apart from two trips to LOS each year to see him/family. Yes..i DO remember what is what like before.....under 15 they are little horrors :: You mean fly him back each week BKK/SYD /BKK So he can swim in his river..i can get a few free tickets each year ....not ""One a week"" Time will tell ..we will all work at it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted April 26, 2004 Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 I fear a long road ahead ...but will do my beast to make it all work...guess you marry a lady and therfore ""the family"". Nice slip here...... Anyway, good luck, should be fun BB with GF - without kids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted April 26, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 Hi BB Thanks for your support... I guess you are not up for some babbysitting while we go to LOs next trip? Guess i will have to learn how to use the playstation..and play footy..and... and. I am tired just thinking about all this stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunsanuk Posted April 26, 2004 Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 Hi, My wife's son recently moved in with us as well. So far no problems what so ever. Of course our situation is quite a bit different, no language or cultural problems for instance. I guess the fact that I have already known him for 3-4 years helps quite a bit as well (he's spend a few vacations here and of course we spend a bit of time upcountry as well). And my wife is quite strict and the kid very well behaved (no entering our bedroom without knocking on the door and waiting for an answer for instance). Anyway, good luck. Sanuk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted April 26, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 That is the main point i think. She has to be strict in some ways so we get our personal space. Do not think i should come down with a heavy hand as this will cause friction and i/we do not wish to happen. He is only ten and i guess in my mind i have to try and think back when my kids were growing up and do the same sort of things with him. Having been allowed to run riot for a few years upcountry is the main problem ...bring him into line ,but in a gentle way so he learns how things are expected of him in my country. I met his teachers when we were in BKK for our marriage and they said he is a good student and is in the top three in his class all the time. So i think with a gentle approach and slow and steady attitude ..together all should work out. Learning English could be fun if my wife and i work at it at night with him....trying to find some books that make a game out of learning i think this would be great and a fun way to learn at the same time. He is a nice boy and i want the best outcome for all of us. Thanks KS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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