Back on the Thai Girl train..again

[trotsky2]

I am considering doing the dumbest thing ever..... applying for a fiancee visa. By the way hello again to everyone here. I haven't posted in God knows how long. I know, just leave your friends when you don't need em' anymore!! Actually I felt reading the board too much was giving me some weird complex!!

 

Update, I did most of the Thammasat program but bailed out one semester before completion. Financial woes and Bangkok insanity syndrome drove me out. Hope to finish it when possible.

 

Anyways, I was with my TGF nearly 8 months or so last year. Prior to that we had been together on and off for probably 2 years. A long distance thing-Taiwan-Thailand.. Towards the end of my stay I left her because we just couldn't get along. Most of it was my fault and not hers. Yes Falang is to blame here!!! Her faults were miniscule compared to mine. She is a good lady through and through. After I left, I tried to forget her but somehow we regained contact 4 months later. I visited her recently for about a week. Spent some rainy days on Koh Chang and had a great time.

 

Here is the problem. I want to give the relationship another go. I think we learned a lot from our mistakes and can make it work better if given the chance. However I don't want to marry her at present. Living in Thailand is a non starter. I want to go to graduate school and then get an Embassy gig so that I can help all of you get your little lassie a visa lol!! I think about the marriage thing a lot. I can commit to everything I think but have a problem with the committing to having sex with only her for the rest of my &*^%life. I guess that is why they have things called the business trip or MP. That is a whole nother debate.

 

My concerns about doing this are the following. One, I think it might get rejected because I will be 30 and entering graduate school. I am financially uhhhhhhhh... is poor the word? I hope to get a scholarship and other assistance to attend school. Two, the fiancee visa means a mostly likely stopover in Vegas for the quickie marriage...Crazy!! Three, I then become married and I don't want that yet. I only want to give the relationship a second chance. No more long distance BS for two years though. Four, I am concerned about her living in the US. One problem I had before was that she is smart, nice, and has good manners but her friends are the most ill-mannered gromits off all time. She however would throw a fit whenever I'd say anything about them!!!lol I feel I know her extremely well and can never figure out why she chooses most of these people as friends. Likewise she probably thinks the same of my friends. I feel I would have to insist that she get "better friends" in the US for I would shutter at the thought of any of her current ones stepping one foot into my rented apartment. Problem I see is that I don't think she would allow me for a second to be the final authority on who she can have as friends though. She is right. But I can see it now--who is she most likely to make friends with in the US? Thais...and I may wrongly assume that there are only two classes of Thais in the US. The wealthy ones who would spit on her like they do in Bangkok and the other group who are ex-bar girls married to Falang. I forsee my living room being invested with tattooed, potty mouthed, ex-bar girls. I apologize if these descriptions offend any of you. for now I think this is all I can write--comments and suggestions welcomed.

[Grabii]

Trotsky,

 

"I am considering doing the dumbest thing ever..... applying for a fiancee visa. ... One problem I had before was that she is smart, nice, and has good manners but her friends are the most ill-mannered gromits off all time. She however would throw a fit whenever I'd say anything about them!!!lol I feel I know her extremely well and can never figure out why she chooses most of these people as friends. Likewise she probably thinks the same of my friends. I feel I would have to insist that she get "better friends" in the US ..."

 

Don't marry this woman unless the two of you plan to live in isolation. This is the kind of irritation that grows, does not decrease, with time and will become an ever widening wedge between you.

 

Grabii

[trotsky2]

Hey thanks for the reply. You are correct and it did just as you mentioned. Perhaps I want to delude myself into thinking it won't happen again. I love this girl very much and consider her to be a diamond in the rough. She is honest, cares nothing about wealth, and cares for me in ways no other woman has ever done. She says she only wants one thing which is to be with me forever. Nothing else matters to her. What else could a guy ask for? Sounds crazy but years of knowing her have proven this to be true. The future is unpredictable yes but we only have history to make a presiction of the future.

 

I am probably shallow to let things like this affect the relationship. I guess if I really did love her I should be able to ignore these things. I just have considerable difficulty dealing with the massive cultural divide between us. We are from two different planets. Sometimes it has its advantages and other times it drives me f*^&^ crazy. I think it is that I have been brainwashed into having the expectation that my wife should be middle class or something

[HSTEACH]

If you go into this with the idea that the cultural gap will untimately lead to failure of your relationship, it will fail. There has to be a lot of give and take to make something like this succeed. Until you can accept this fact, maybe it would be better to let things remain as they are now. You cannot take a Thai women to a foreign country and demand she not be Thai anymore. She'll always be a Thai. Separating her from the Thai locals in your country would be the absolute worst thing you could do. BTW, where do you get the idea of only two classes of Thais in the US? Rich or x-BGs.? A visit to any local Thai community in the US will reveal that these two groups ( HiSos and X-BGs) are in the minority, most Thais in the US are normal middle class.

[shygye]

[color:"green"] She says she only wants one thing which is to be with me forever. Nothing else matters to her. [/color]

 

But she chose her friends over you. Think about that long and hard.

 

You have not changed. Have you accepted her friends with open arms? If you can not do that your relationship is doomed. She will find friends of the same type in the USA.

 

As for a USA visa, you will be turned down because you have no finacial stability.