Should I give her more time?

[Encore]

As usual, I?m reading this discussion around the time it is almost closed. But I can?t resist giving my views.

 

Having read I think all that romp had written about IP, and having met him a few times, I think I understand what?s he?s been trying to do. At the same time, I?m not sure if his modus operandi will be effective.

Goatscroat hit the right nerve, from her perspective commitment is probably important. But, considering her age, not necessarily. Does she at 19 really want to be in a LT committed relation akin to marriage? She?s barely age of consent, hasn?t explored very much yet, besides a rice field, a bad school experience of a kind, and the inside of a sleazy falang bar in SC. If she were closer to shelf life age, I think commitment would be a crucial factor.

 

When I did my LT RS with a 28 yr old some years back, the final stumbling block was that in the end I wasn?t going to commit to marriage (after two earlier mishaps). She wanted it, another man came along who could and would, so she rode off into the sunset with him.

 

But a nineteen year old, Hmmm, I don?t think so.

 

Yet, the two different options set out by MaiLuk in his last post are a good clear analysis, both of them very different, but neither give any guarantees for success. I don?t think Romp?s been asking for any guarantees either, just hoping something might happen.

 

Maybe IP isn?t mature enough to understand that it is possible for a falang to be simply prepared to be altruistic enough to provide fairly non-directive support. In Therapy terms, Romp?s intervention could be described as Rogerian (As in Carl Rogers). (I can?t stand the guy, but sometimes the approach works). But for it to work, a certain maturity is needed, which probably isn?t there.

 

But nothing?s lost either. As Romp says, she?s had a break, spent a few months fucking a lot fewer men that during her bardays, had some time to think, improved her English.

 

Maybe, she needs another spell in the bar, another three months getting done by a variety of relatively unattractive older men, getting pushed into doing things she doesn?t really enjoy, to start appreciating the options Romp offered. If he?s willing to hang in there, but at the same time insist that any out-of-bar future options are conditional to work or school, maybe at some stage she?ll start seeing it as an option. Give her time to mature, maintain ?unconditional positive regard? be consistent and supportive. Nothing lost, except a bit of money.

 

I?ve wasted a bit of time and money, on similar ventures. The 28 yr old I considered a success, she did do some schooling, learned an honest trade, and got out of the bar. The fact that she married someone else in the end, and now happily lives in England with husband and baby is no skin off my nose, she still made it out of the bar relatively unscathed.

 

The other one I spent time and (more) money on was successful, did finish a degree in falangland, and is now engaged to be married to a relatively nice young falang, her age. She has a decent professional job, and is well intergrated.

 

So I have wasted some time and money on others, that didn?t work out. Win a few, lose a few. Good on ye, Romp.