Abusive RT help, Center for the Pacific-Asian Fam

[Guest]

Many of women believe we can change men

 

And then there are women who don't like nice men because nice men are too boring....

 

Or women who like rowdies because the women think that these men could protect them better...

 

.. or because they like men who play the big bosses...

 

How many women like to provoke a fight between men? It must be really drilling to see two men fighting for the girl!

On several occasions I refused to fight and of course the girl thought that I am a coward and went off with the other guy.

 

However, ones can change ONLY when ones want to.

Yes, but I don't think that rowdies want to change, after all they got their gf because they are rowdies! So why in the hell should they change?!?

 

Best regards

[jasmine]

[color:"red"] On several occasions I refused to fight and of course the girl thought that I am a coward and went off with the other guy.

 

[/color]

 

That will depends on what one is fighting for, fighting for a man, I won't do it either so I am a coward too, my friend.

 

My daughter thought the rodiy boys were exciting too when she was a teenager, she turned down the boys who were on top of the class and nowadays graduated from big Univ. Fortunately she has learned real quick that those men are not really good partners, (not all of course), some are actually abusive and bad news.

 

When I was engaged to my ex-fiance, I thought he would be abusive and controlling and I had to beg a "good bye" after 2 years of engagement. I saw him 13 years ago and he admitted that he could be physically violent, how right I was! Sad really, the man has millions, retired AF Full Bird Colonel, )is married to a Filipina now, his 3rd, hope he has changed. I count my blessings that I saw it, for I think I would have killed the guy and am spending my time in jail for killing now.

 

It is difficult to tell whether your partner will be a violent one or not.

 

I posted recently that I met a policeman who is married to a Thai who told me that "She is from HELL" after being married to her 4 years. So, I don't know Naiv, when things can be abusive, either by a man or a woman.

 

Jasmine

[Guest]

Haha, I knew that you are a intelligent woman, Jasmine!

But I didn't know that you could kill someone... (maybe I guessed it).

 

It is really difficult to tell if your partner could be violent. And if I think that my gf used to like to fight with the boys when she was a child, then I tremble... ::

 

I guess that she isn't violent, but who knows?

 

Best regards

[jasmine]

[color:"red"] It is really difficult to tell if your partner could be violent. And if I think that my gf used to like to fight with the boys when she was a child, then I tremble...

 

[/color]

 

I grew up with boys and fought a lot, a terror in the neighborhood, many old people still remember it

 

However, I have never striked a person besides spanking my daughter when she was little for disciplinary purpose.

 

I don't like violence and I believe that a couple whoclaim to love each other starts such thing as hitting each other, it is the end of violence.

 

However, I am not beyond fighting for my loved ones though, even though I have not done that yet. And it is not in this post's context.

 

Jasmine

[AF16]

 

?On several occasions I refused to fight and of course the girl thought that I am a coward and went off with the other guy.?

 

My wife was rather strong in her opinions about being hit. In her words, If I hit her she would break both my legs and then leave me.

 

 

So she is against hitting right?

 

 

Not that easy. An ex husband of a friend of my wife used to hit this friend often. He is about 1,85, she is about 1,50. Apparently this ?man? told his ex wife that I was a ?lady boy? for treating my wife the way I did, and my wife teased me about this.

 

 

I got rather pissed and said to her that what the hell is so manly about beating the shit out of a woman half your size and without any possibility to defend her self. What is manly about sleeping all day in a drug haze, drawing a welfare check instead of getting up in the morning to go to work? I pay for his fucking waste of government money. What is so manly about being scared going out to a crowded place, being afraid of people, and then terrorize your wife and small child?

 

 

Did not seem to sink in, so even if she likes not being hit, it?s apparently not manly not to hit women. I guess it?s a culture thing.

 

 

On a side note, I went to pick up my wife, and the man and the woman was arguing with their child present. Rather the man was berating his ex-wife in from of their child. I looked him straight in the eye and the blinked, turned away and shut up. Fucking coward. I?m 10 cm shorter and less athletically built, but still he thought the odds were too bad. A girl alone in a strange land barley hitting the 1,50 mark on the other hand is just about the right odds.

 

 

I?m chipping away at her warped way at looking at things though, and she now have agreed never to spank our child, something she refused to agree to earlier. She has seen that there are alternatives, and it?s not about being ?strong?. Strong is doing the difficult thing, taking the long road. Hitting a child does not make you strong, or make you the authority in a meaningful sense of the word.

[gobbledonk]

Cmon OH - we are both men of the world, and we both know the old maxim 'Treat em mean, keep em keen'. I'm just as disgusted by 'battered wife syndrome' as you are, and I cant understand why they stay with these losers, but I believe that its deeply rooted in their own childhood experiences. Whether said dependancy on their male partners, through thick and thin, is more entrenched in women from cultures where females are viewed as 'second-class citizens' is a topic for another day, but it seems to be a problem in many societies the world over.

[jasmine]

[color:"red"] and I cant understand why they stay with these losers, but I believe that its deeply rooted in their own childhood experiences. Whether said dependancy on their male partners, [/color]

 

IMO, the childhood experience is not the main factor, it is many other things. A woman I knew calculated that if she went back to Thailand, there was no opportunities. This one stayed until she learnt more English and left with a child, she works in a donut shop and is living on some of the child support and alimony monies.

 

Another one that I consider a very important factor is "face". Many women I met have stated that they would not go back to Thailand as "failure". A college graduate was married to a Swiss who was very cold and sharp tongue, insulting and threathening. Never hit her but her psych was so bad but she would not leave, this one, her parents told her not to marry the man, I don't know what happens to her.

 

If it happened to me, I think I would take it for a while and be prepared to be on my own and again the "face" is also important in a way of blaming myself. I am from a family that spanked children but my father had beleived in "You are not a man if you hit women" and no violence existed in my family. However, I would have sufferred from ego and would wonder why my choice was so bad. To go back to Thailand would have not been my choice and working in menial jobs, I would have failed. I really don't know if I were in such situation, how long it would take me to leave, leave I would though

 

Situations are varied for each woman, I knew a woman who stayed and prayed that he would die soon. Died he did, from the rich food she fed him for years.

 

In a way I think you are right that if the woman has a non-abusive family background, she may find ways to survive on her own faster.

 

Jasmine