Guest Posted January 21, 2002 Report Share Posted January 21, 2002 This is a report on my first trip to Pattaya and Bangkok back in July 1999. It is typical newbie stuff except for a small twist: I was traveling with my (then) farang girlfriend, which resulted in exposure to bits of Thai nightlife that is unlikely to be of real interest to the readers of this board. I'm going to tell you, anyway. My apologies for the lack of juicy details, but it was more than two years ago, and more recent trips to Thailand are looming larger in my mind. Moreover, I had never before in my life been drinking as much and for as many nights in a row as during those days; this also contributed to the fuzziness. I thought it best to jot down something before my memory will be totally gone. Do not be discouraged by my initial ramblings about my ex-girlfriend; they are not that long and are necessary to set the stage. At the time of the trip I had known my girlfriend only for a relatively short time. However, it had been long enough for me to fall pretty hard for her despite all my misgivings. She was definitely not my type: tall, voluptuous and with light brown hair, when I had long since discovered a serious weakness for petite slim ladies with black hair. Our personalities did not appear very compatible, either, although I was yet to find out the total extent. Suffice to say that she is a very feminine person: an adorable kitten in one instant and a total bitch in the next. She definitely knows how to pull a guy's strings... She has also some rather interesting ideas for the bedroom. Quite early on she had told how horny she had become when she had made one of her earlier boyfriends to bring hookers home and fuck them in their bed, while she was spying on the action... I have never really figured out why she bothered with me. I could not help wondering if I was not just some kind of snack between bigger and better things - one more entry in the "guys that I fucked" list in her diary. And quite an impressive list it was when she showed it to me... Well, at least it was that according to my pre-LOS standards.) I was not her type either - balding, less than rich non-athletic geeks are definitely not it. Maybe the reason was that the majority of women back home for some reason assume that I'm gay, and she was curious to find out, if she was woman enough to overcome that "little handicap". I guess it must have been something of a letdown when she in short order discovered that I'm straight. So there I was - in love despite myself, and wanting to make the summer vacation special. We wished to go somewhere sunny and warm with a beach and seafood, but I had been rather disappointed during my single excursions to Southern Europe. Thailand appeared ideal: it had the ingredients, was a well-known safe destination, a single non-stop flight away from home, and cheap enough that even I could afford some class in the choice of accommodation. I got us hotels and flights through a local travel agency. I knew that I was going to pay too much, but at that point I did not trust the Internet enough to risk landing in a strange country relying only on a Web page. The virtual posh hotel might have turned out to be a total dump, and my darling was anything but stoic in the face of adversity. Pattaya was the standard beach destination in the book of the travel agency. I had read about its sleazy reputation, but it was definitely cheap enough for my budget and I knew my girlfriend already well enough to be sure that she would not mind a bit of sleaze. I booked also two days in Bangkok to the end of the trip just to make sure that we saw something else than the beach. So there we were, at Don Muang airport. I booked a limousine for Pattaya. I knew from a travel guide that you can get there cheaper, but after the flight I definitely was not ready for any extra hurdles. The trip was about 90 minutes which seemed just fine; we were naive enough not to be scared shitless about the insane speed our driver used... The countryside looked wonderfully lush and green, and we were relieved to see how sunny it was despite the 'rainy season' in July - just as the travel agent had promised. We checked into our hotel - a fairly posh resort at the south end of the Beach Road (I forget the name). It definitely lived up to our expectations, although it was not the most expensive one. A nice room, a very nice pool area, nice breakfasts, our own verandah facing a garden, lots of cute geckos. The first thing my girlfriend did after arrival was to hit the minibar. She likes to drink, and there was this exotic beverage called "Mekhong". That became her favourite poison for the rest of the trip, and she does not like to drink alone... As a result, during that trip I was drinking more strong booze than ever in my life. (Not a very challenging accomplishment in the grand scheme of things, since I had not touched even beer until my mid-twenties, and had 'graduated' to hard liquor only a few years before.) As an aftereffect, I have now a permanent fixation on Mekhong. I actually prefer it to the more expensive and presumably better (?) Thai whiskies like "Sang Thip", not to mention the imported real whiskies; I find the taste very pleasant and soft. If you see an ugly, balding, middle-aged farang sipping "Mekhong straight up" in Bangkok, it might be me... My girlfriend's preference for Mekhong caused quite a few amusing moments when we subsequently hit the bars: the staff appeared to have a difficulty in grasping that a farang, not to mention a girl, wanted to drink Mekhong instead of the fine import whiskies they first offered; a few times she actually went and grabbed the bottle from the shelf to make herself understood. Due to the hotel location it was very hard to avoid bumping into the nightlife in the Soi Pattayalands already on the first evening when we went out to explore. We visited a low-end katoey cabaret close to the south end of the Beach Road. The 'girls' were less stunning than in the high-end cabarets, but the crudeness of the comic acts was refreshing. Being able to drink real booze must have also contributed to the good impression. Later we visited also "Alcazar" and "Tiffany's". I preferred the show in "Tiffany's" - the 'babes' were gorgeous and they were not afraid of displaying those magnificient implants. "Alcazar" felt like family entertainment for the Chinese tourist set. However, waiting for the show squashed among all those tens of busloads of Chinese tourists was a really novel experience. I have not seen anything comparable except later in Tokyo or that one time when I was foolish enough to venture to Oxford Street in London during the Christmas shopping frenzy. The dancing in the shows was not that impressive and the singing was obvious lip-synching. However, Alcazar had one 'lady' who appeared to be a huge star, and the reason must have been that the singing was real. Wandering and people-watching on the Walking Street was quite fun. Two fairly pretty Thai girls targeted us (among others) for a tourist survey. Their broken English was charming, and we found it quite amusing that the questionnaire had no choice for a couple who was travelling together but was not married. This among all those obviously less than married farang-Thai couples! We were not able to hang out very long until the exhaustion from all the traveling claimed us. The next day we made a newbie mistake. We spend the morning at the pool, and around noon felt that it was high time to go and explore the town a bit more, and especially to find some lunch. We could not help wondering how deserted the streets were, but after ten minutes we figured out the reason: it was scorching hot and everybody else had enough sense to stay out of the sun. Daylight showed even more clearly how touristic the place was. All those European style restaurants: Russian, Italian, German, whatnot. You really would have had a hard time finding a difference to the tourist ghettoes I have seen in Spain - until you spotted a miniature shrine with Buddha images on the roadside. On the later days we made sure to hide in our room from the daytime heat, which was not difficult at all after the heavy drinking during the preceding night. Another thing I quickly learned was that you simply do not walk briskly in Thailand, unless you want to get an instant heat stroke. However, even after several visits to Thailand it still takes me a couple of days to slow down to the lazy stroll that is appropriate. In the morning I discovered that my ankles and lower legs were covered with itching mosquito bites. The shorts had obviously been a mistake... I actually had packed mosquito repellent, but had foolishly forgotten to apply it. Oh, well. I also found out that my girlfriend had thrown her return ticket away at the airport. "Oh, I always travel with one-way tickets, so you never need the old ticket..." Groan! Fortunately I had taken photocopies of our tickets, just to be safe. This particular risk had never occurred to me, though. A frantic call to the airline revealed that she could get a new ticket against a small fee in Bangkok, but first we had to report the lost ticket to the tourist police. So we got the unexpected pleasure of an excursion to North Pattaya where the tourist police office was. I was a bit jittery, since the advice I had seen on dealing with the Thai police was simply "Don't!". In the end it was no big deal, although signing an official document written in totally incomprehensible Thai script somehow felt wrong... We hit the gogo bars together on the second evening. I must say I was very disappointed. Lots of so cute, even gorgeous girls of the type I prefer, and my girlfriend seems to have a good time chatting them up over the drinks I bought. But why do the girls not like ME? At a table not far from us there is a guy with six girls literally all over him. What makes him so much more interesting? Ok, ok - he is very blonde, has long hair and looks like a young Norse god, but still... There are plenty of nice spare girls, but they clearly are very unwilling even to sit next to me. I'm used to that kind of treatment back home, but this is Pattaya in Thailand - the place where even 140-kilogram decrepit old farts with bad breath are supposed to be able to find young, hot dates! (And I had already seen such couples, too...) We visited also an upstairs bar. Not a rip-off place, and the shows definitely had a novelty value for a while. One of the girls doing the dart show was a skinny young Lao girl with really exotic eyes. I found her extremely hot, and could not help wondering which kind of treatment those muscles could give to my wiener. Shame on you - you are on vacation with your girlfriend! After a while my girlfriend decides to get acquainted with the Thai DJ. He seems not to have anything against being bothered at work. While she is improving intercultural relations, I'm doing a rather poor job of avoiding an alcohol poisoning. It was hard to avoid drinking when you were sitting alone with the girls treating you like a leper. Lady drinks could have changed that, of course, but I really did not feel like blowing money on those for no good result. I was not going to barfine anyone, so they were not going to establish any goodwill for the night, and there was not much else I could get in return, either. The girls had definitely had to skip some classes in Conversational English, and my abilities in Thai were obviously nil, since four weeks earlier I had not even considered visiting the country. What else was I supposed to do with my girlfriend standing and chatting a couple of metres away - diddle? In addition to the fact that I did not even know the concept at that time, I would not have stomached it after having seen how 'irresistible' to the girls I was during our visits to downstairs places... Actually I bought a couple of lady drinks to the Lao showgirl. (How else a newbie would have figured out such a fine point as her extraction?) She was quite nice, but I let her go quite soon; it did not seem fair to hog her when I had no intention to barfine her. Finally it was closing time and the staff herded the few remaining customers out, and we staggered to back the hotel. To be continued... Wagner [ January 21, 2002: Message edited by: Wagner Svinja ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 21, 2002 Report Share Posted January 21, 2002 To be continued....?????!!!! Please spare us. I have never heard anyone make one of the best entertainment places on the planet sound so dull. Cheer up mate for everyone's sake!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 21, 2002 Report Share Posted January 21, 2002 Carry on regardless Wagner Your report is good. And it will help others not to make the same mistakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 21, 2002 Report Share Posted January 21, 2002 quote: Originally posted by Englishman_in_BKK: Please spare us. I have never heard anyone make one of the best entertainment places on the planet sound so dull. Nobody forced you to read it... The story will become a bit more interesting, but I do indeed find Pattaya a dull place. On my second visit I could not take it for more than three days before I was bored out of my skull and had to escape to Bangkok. The main reason I'll be posting is that I have just become a bit tired of all these reports on trips that are chock-full with mindblowingly great sex with stunning and friendly girls who really take care of you. I don't doubt their veracity, but not everyone is having such a brilliant time in Thailand. Inevitably also below the average sex tourists exist; I'm one of them, and I happen to feel that it is worthwhile to shed light on their misadventures. Besides, I'm sure you are going to get a nice warm feeling of superiority and even some laughs by reading my pieces. For instance, who else but me would get the worst BJ of his life in a BJ bar? Wagner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gummigut Posted January 21, 2002 Report Share Posted January 21, 2002 Heh, interesting. Couldn't send you a private reply. In any case, please continue. The other guy sounds like a goober (then again, I'm a yank and dat guys a brit, . Definitely nice to read something with a different spin, and this really does have a different angle!!! <<burp>> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.