What should I do?

[bust]

I am new to the site so bare with me as I am in desperate need of either some clarity or sanity. I have recently had two trips to BKK both without my wife. We had been some years ago. Married 15 years the last couple purely for convenience the flame went out a long time ago. After 17 years of a faithfullness my friend took me to NEP. Keep in mind I have never been to anything like this before at home or abroad. I found the whole exercise quite confronting and uncomfortable. It was at one of the bars I locked eyes with a particular girl. After a brief chat I left but could not get her out of my head. I found myself back their several times looking for her but to no avail. On the last trip I spotted her but she had already been fined. I was gutted. Her friend seemed to pick up on this and before I knew it I had pain my first BF. Young girl and a complete nightmare. I backed up the next night and there she was. To speed things along spent the rest of my stay with her and most of my second trip. On my second trip I decided to pay her a couple of days before I left partly as a test, partly because I sensed some degree of genuiness with her. I left her in my hotel as I had a meeting to attend. I returned several hours later and there she was waiting. She stayed the remainder of my time and our goodbyes were quite emotional. We have been in contact regularly since I left by phone and email. She has never asked for anything and seems hellbent on her financial indipendance. I am heading back over next month and I guess I looking for some feed-back on where to take this. She is 31 no kids and either she is very good or very honest. She has spoken pretty openlly about anything I have asked her. What do I do next?

[happyfarang2547]

What is "convenient" about being in a marriage with no passion and no romance. Get a divirce, get your freedom, and let your wife have hers. Until that happens there is really no decision to make about the Thai lady. Just enjoy her company.

[vinod]

I think you need to read "Private Dancer" by Stephen Leather. You seem to be fitting the hero "Pete". Do not get carried awaya with the first bf you have met.. The hero meet his girl...... the 1st bf. and heads for trouble..

 

Spend long time in Bkk you will soon know that the Bar scence is not the place to find luv..... all the best

 

cheers

vinod

[pattaya127]

Who knows where "luv" is found?

Still, I agrre with you. as a newbie, Bust should keep from making too many romantic plans, other than enjoying the company she gives him. there's no telling if she is that good or that bad, himself is wary, a good point to stick to, so when in doubt....

All the same, easier said than done. Between guys, no one wants to say he is falling unaware, and the rationals anyone of us comes up with, are rarely an indication of how his heart/brain/resolve is starting to cross all the lines in the sand.

 

to sum it up: Bust, you're on your own, if you have already consciously or unconsciously decided to go further with her, nothing we can say or warn ain't gonna help.

 

Old Hippie can tell you too... ::

[thai3]

 

Bear in mind the odds are against this ending up well but not impossible. Stickman recently interviewed boss hogg who said of the 2,000 + girls he had employed he could only think of less than five who married customers that lasted. All of these had only worked in the bar for a very short time. You might try meeting some non bar girls before you get too serious, all that glitters is not gold.Remember almost all BG's are very adept at lying and presenting only part of themselves. Many, even the plain ones, have multiple BF's and sponsors who all think they are the only one-peter

[Guest]

>>>What should I do?<<<

 

What do you *want* to do? Have a meaningful relationship with this NEP girl?

 

Only you can answer that, and detirmine where you want to go with your life. Nobody here can do that for you. All anyone can really tell you is to think twice before getting involved with a prostitute, on a serious level. It's a lot of work going there, to be sure.

 

The only advice I will give you is to use your common sense. You're not meeting this girl in a library, or a grocery store. She is a full-fledged prostitute, who's job it is to tell you what you want to hear, and then take your money, and then move on to the next customer. That is what it's all about, from start to finish. As long as you have your head around that, then is ok. It's when you can't, or are unwilling, to understand that, is where the trouble starts.

 

Is not gospel, but is pretty much something you can take to the bank, especially in you case.

 

There is a time honored code......."DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH THE FIRST BARGIRL YOU MEET!"

 

And you're talking to someone who has been there, and done that. It's just not a rumour.

 

As far as your situation with your wife?........Only you can understand that part. Certainly, no one else can possibly comment on that, with any authority. After 17 years, that's just something that has to come from your own heart.

 

HT

[MisterBlonde]

My advice is...go out and shag a different gal every night from different bars...you'll soon find that yours aint so special anymore...

[Guest]

Lots of good advice here, from folk with plenty of experience on the subject.

 

I should qualify my following comments by mentioning that I am not married and have never been looking for a Thai wife.

 

I have been quite happy propping up the bars in the LOS, and indulging with the BG?s accordingly during my frequent six month holidays ? and have got to know quite a few BG?s for extended periods over many trips, not all of which were girlfriends (there are IMHO some nice women in the P4P scene), I would even go so far as to call some of them friends, (but with some heavy qualifications to this term) and who have helped me crawl along the learning curve, for which I believe that there is no substitute for time spent in Thailand.

 

I would strongly recommend taking up the suggestion of a previous poster to go and meet with some of the guys from this board at Gullivers (?) the next time you are in BKK (I don?t go myself) to chat things through ? you will learn so much more in person, than time allows here.

 

But having said that, IMHO however the most useful learning experience will be your own.

 

Although I am probably in the top 10% of cynical b#stards on this board, dare I suggest that if you like this woman, then there is nothing automatically wrong with you seeing how things develop. If or (as I am I am afraid the odds heavily are) WHEN things go tits up with her, your experience will (hopefully!) stand you in good stead for future encounters. (maybe even with a non P4P Thai lady!) Just decide in advance whether you can afford the heartache and money involved in discovering that she was looking at your ?relationship? from a slightly more business perspective than you.

 

A few trip reports, whichever way things turn out, would no doubt be entertaining.

 

IMHO the odds are no better than 100/1, but not impossible.

 

If you can afford the money and time I would suggest that you spend 6 months in Thailand (and not stay overly faithful to your new found nearest and dearest, for purely research and comparison reasons!), it?s a lot harder, (but by no means impossible!), for a BG to keep up BS for this length of time and it will also give you time to let the novelty well and truly wear off.

 

Whatever you do, for f#cks sake do NOT get suckered into paying any 20,000B ?leave bar for all time? bullshit ? the girls in the Farang bar scene are not bonded labour. (indeed if you are asked for this it will tell you exactly what the position is)

 

I would also heartily recommend that you do something I have not yet got around to, and learn Thai! ? in fact I would go further and say that it would IMHO be pretty much compulsory to do so if intending to marry someone with a different language.

 

It is of course so much easier giving other folk ?good??!!? advice, rather than following it oneself. But IMHO not following good advice is half the fun of Thailand.

 

Me? I have been ?involved? in one way or another for a good few years of so with a (now former???!!! Hahahaha!!!) 10 year plus veteran Sukhumvit Freelancer, Jailbird (with a Loyalty card!) and long term hardcore recreational Pharmaceutical user ? am half way through a Trip Report on this.

[pattaya127]

Stickman recently interviewed boss hogg who said of the 2,000 + girls

-------------------------

This is the kind of stuff that comforts me in not reading too much "farang to farang" and "farang speak about Thailand" prose. Worse, if BH is thai (have no idea who the guy is).

 

That's simply barstool talk interview thingo (sorry Stick). Not contesting the numbers or interested in them, just that's rather a big number of human beings to follow up or spy on for a great number of years to come up with such scientific stats (not to speak of why it did not work, or why it's only working in his bars that these BG/farang unions count).

 

Not serious BH/Stick or others, but I'll have another Heineken with you, bantering around about BG this and BG that!

 

personally, I'd say the RS don't work in a great numbers for many other reasons that the girls is a scheming liar. that some have many sponsors, does not have anything to do with it. they can still (i know a few) tie the knot at some point with the chosen one.

[thai3]

pattaya127 said:

. that some have many sponsors, does not have anything to do with it. they can still (i know a few) tie the knot at some point with the chosen one.

 

That's right it's called selling yourself to the highest bidder for longer than long time, could be three months or three years. I know several who kept large sinsott amounts of up to one million (OK they are liars) then only stayed with the mark for a few weeks before returning to base. Can work out of course, but then you can win in a casino-peter