English Butchered and Maimed ! ! !

[awayguy]

On a really cute and innocent student's T-shirt, with I think a picture of The Pink Panther on it, "A little pussy never hurt anyone". I complimented her on the shirt - and actually her English was quite good, but not that good!

In an alleyway in Chinatown, "Haircut by girl on second floor". The English was fine, but what a haircut!

At a waterfall outside Luang Prabang, "Please keep cleaning". I did.

[Guest]

My main gripe is not so much the bad grammar that we all see on a daily basis but those totally meaningless statements that you see on T-shirts, cheap plastic ice buckets, Thai-produced greetings cards and stationery. Stuff like

"Thank you for your happy time"

"Cuddle me for my summer"

"Give my heart to you"

Who thinks this bloody stuff up?

[Guest]

Hey Zane...yeah, good topic, always makes for a laugh. And you're right, I'm sure we probably at the best of times butcher other languages. But, I really think that we wouldn't be making the same mistakes when it comes to advertising. There must be someone they can ask to check these things isn't there??!! Even the most illiterate farang could right some wrongs for them. There was a 10 metre long god-damn banner hanging 3 stories from MBK anouncing 'sunday fela market'.... and still my favourite at Lotus Department stores a big in-your-face sale sign announcing 'cheap shits' in the clothing section...

.and looking in that Japanese Engrish site....there's a pic of an illuminated sign outside a Japanese travel agency that announces 'DISCUNT TICKETS' in big bold letters!!!!.. get your dictionaries out guys! LOL.

[ August 30, 2001: Message edited by: Dan ]

[CarlBkk]

I have a few classics said/written by Thai friends.

When I was driving a new student around London after she arrived, she exclaimed: "ah! Big Bill!" Obviously pointing at the world-renowned clock tower. Soon after she expressed an interest in seeing "the big circle" opposite "Big Bill".

In a Birthday card I had a "Have a nice life and a happy health".

Lastly, driving another friend in London I was getting frustrated by being stuck (again) in traffic queues for roadworks. My companion said "I like farang. They take care road".

Well...they were funny at the time anyway

[mikem55]

Here are some more classics from around the world:

 

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Paris hotel elevator:

Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners:

Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Zurich hotel:

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Tokyo bar:

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:

Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:

The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:

If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.

Two signs from a Mojorcan shop entrance:

- English well speaking

- Here speeching American.

[Guest]

In phuket there is a small stand selling

japanese crap ( should be crapes)

got a pic of it, pretty funny stuff.

[Guest]

Okay, how about a really good use of English? How's this for truth in advertising?

Wanted, qualified hairdresser.

Only women and homosexuals need apply!

I saw this posted in Manila, Philippines

[zanemay]

quote:

---

Originally posted by pasathai:

In phuket there is a small stand selling

japanese crap ( should be crapes)

got a pic of it, pretty funny stuff.

---

Pasathai,

What are "crapes"? Dictionary.com: "A black band worn, as on the sleeve, as a sign of mourning." Surely not a tourist item.

Or Crepes? But you did not say food stand, and crepes are French anyway?

Maybe they just meant "crap" and said "crap."

No!

Please solve the mystery. Thanks.

Zane

[Guest]

Actual English Subtitles Used In Hong Kong Films

The following are actual English subtitles used in

films from Hong Kong:

* I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

* Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

* Gun wounds again?

* Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

* A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

* Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.

* Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.

* Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

* This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the

scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your

toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for

ants to eat.

* Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

* I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

[Guest]

rofl,

I can only imagine how americans butcher other foreign languages.

Just a thought, one could possibly make a business service of correcting english messages for others. It could even expand to translations for media and translators. Biggest problem and hurdle would be the infrastructure though.

First, you'd need a staff of people able to natively speak the foreign language and is fluent in english as well. Theoretically this is possible because America is filled with 2nd generations of all races.

Secondly, translations fall through or lose their meaning. Many foreign words could mean several different things and could be extremely difficult to interpret. I'm sure some of Albert Camus's thoughts could've got butchered in the translations.

Thirdly, overhead costs. You'd have to sell this service at an attractive price otherwise it's a no go. Obviously companies don't give a monkey's ass if their translations look retarded for us westerners. You'd also have to pay the translators, therefore it may not be worth the effort for the translators if the sale costs of messages are so low.

I guess we're all doomed to seeing the english language butchered! Well why not? It's funny as hell.