zanemay Posted December 24, 2005 Report Share Posted December 24, 2005 Recently met a young lady (26 but looks 20) and I had the good luck to spend just a little time with her. She had just arrived in Pattaya, speaks no English, and was staying with a lady cousin who is a bit older and rather well off. I speak Thai and the young lady explained to me why she was here. She told me a couple of things that I hadn?t heard before and would like clarified. My understanding of complex Thai is not perfect, so I couldn?t question her closely enough about these things. As I understood it, she said she has come to Pattaya to meet a farang husband who will make a commitment to support her. She said that although she had been married in Issan (now broken off with the ex), people in Issan do not get married using a written contract. This leaves me to assume that she was informally married in Issan in a ceremony that was not a civil ceremony, therefore no documents. Without official documentation the husband is not bound to provide for the wife and children. (Anyway, trying to bind an Issan boy as a provider would be like trying to tie the wind to a tree. So what's the point of going to the extra expense and steps of civil formalities?) So I take it that the young lady wants to marry a farang in an official ceremony that legally commits him to support her and any children they have. Is this true, and what details need to be filled in? If there is such a binding commitment for what we would term "spousal and child support," how is this enforced on a farang who lives in Europe or the U.S. and only visits Thailand? (Now, at this point some farangs will be thinking ?Gold-digger!? To that I would say, ?Not really.? This is a nice, cute, sweet, good young lady who has come looking for a good husband. She has a respectable goal. She is not here to sell her body. If she was, I would be buying. I had the good luck to meet her in an odd circumstance, but I am certainly not husband material and I have nothing to offer her except my best wishes. To me she seems like the type that might make a very good wife.) Another thing I had not heard before was that after she had given to birth to her child, she asked the doctor to tie her tubes. He wouldn?t do it because he said that would ?pit gotmai.? (break the law) She told me that Thai people are required to have two children before they can be sterilized. Oh? Is that true? And it applies to men and women both? Are Thai people required, but not enforced of course, to have two children whether or not they want to be sterilized? Zane May Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous_Dog Posted December 25, 2005 Report Share Posted December 25, 2005 Many are not married according to letter of law but rather married by ceremony alone. I was! Have also heard the sterilization story before but can;t remember the exact detail. Agree with your comments, they want someone, anyone, whose better than what they have, don't we all? DOG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-.-.- Posted December 25, 2005 Report Share Posted December 25, 2005 I have heard this about the sterilisation before as well but no idea if it is true. I think a huge number of women in the bar industry would far prefer to be a wife but circumstances prevent it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thalenoi Posted December 25, 2005 Report Share Posted December 25, 2005 I think a huge number of woman work bar to find farang husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted December 25, 2005 Report Share Posted December 25, 2005 [color:"blue"] He wouldn?t do it because he said that would ?pit gotmai.? (break the law) She told me that Thai people are required to have two children before they can be sterilized. Oh? Is that true? And it applies to men and women both? Are Thai people required, but not enforced of course, to have two children whether or not they want to be sterilized? [/color] There is NO law on sterilization that requires 2 children as far as I know. However, the public doctors will talk anyone younger than 35 out of it. Also, the doctors who work in public hospitals follow certain rules, that is emergency and immediate treatment first, having a 26 year old healthy woman with one child will not serve such purpose when there are people lined up who need much more urgent attention. The hospital will do the task if it is deemed that having another child would endanger the life. One of my GF's daughters had it when she was only 25 by a doctor in BKK dued to her physical problem. Having said all of that, the Isaan doctors are awfully busy, busier than many other provinces' hospitals and a tube tie for a 20 year old something is defenitely NOT ::the priorities. [color:"blue"] she was informally married in Issan in a ceremony that was not a civil ceremony, therefore no documents. Without official documentation the husband is not bound to provide for the wife and children [/color] Many marriages anywhere in Thailand is like that and some do register the marriages later, however it does NOT mean that they are not married. Obligations of taking care of wife and children does not require papers, however, when a man uses that as an excuse, especially from a Thai man whose parents' marriage was probably never registered either, is a cop out at best. The marriage registration just became law in the late 1950s (if I remember the year correctly), my parents registerred their marriage after I was born. The tradition marriage has been accepted all these years and the marriage registration is just the formal for the current law which being enforced when ones worked for the government at one time. According to the Thais, I am not married, that is never register it in Thailand, other Thais, I have never been married because I never had any ceremony. Hubby and I live in sin when we are in Thailand Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous_Dog Posted December 25, 2005 Report Share Posted December 25, 2005 OK - just asked the wife, and we've just had our 2nd kid. The doctor made a point asking her if she wanted to get her tubes tied while getting the caesor at the same time. Odd - I'll have o ask around, I'm at the PDA in a few weeks time, I wonder what they'll say. DOG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted December 26, 2005 Report Share Posted December 26, 2005 Hi, I with the limited medical knowledge was told by a physician that the best time to have the tube tied is at the time of giving birth. Makes sense to me. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zanemay Posted December 29, 2005 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2005 Hello All, I appreciate all the responses and especially like hearing from Jasmine. Two things: No one addressed the question - How is spousal and child support enforced on farangs? Or is it? Second, I think the social standard of discouraging Thai's from early sterilzation is a good one. Thailand is a proud country and Thai's want to keep Thailand Thai. The King, for instance, works for the preservation of Thai language and culture. They do not want let Thailand get overwhelmed by other populations through low birth rate on the part of Thais. In the USA and Europe, other populations (Mexicans in the US, Muslims in S. France just to name two cases) are overtaking the so-called majority population and culture. Some people will just say, "Oh well, that's the way of the world." But the extinction of a culture and a population is like the extinction of a species. It is a tremendous loss. Thailand has at least a social standard that shows an awareness of this and values its culture above all others. This is a really good thing. That's my two cents. Zane May Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chilli13 Posted December 31, 2005 Report Share Posted December 31, 2005 Zane I can only agree on LOS being a proud country, but as a foreigner here I can't always see good points (for me) in this! As to farang-thai marriage all I can contribute is that when I got legally married at bkk amphur the guy there said all things bough, acquired, earned etc. would be shared property & in case of divorce should be split. Alimony & those sorts not a word & I'm sure the general consensus is that thai law is much less generous towards the ex-wife than US! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickfarang Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 I think you may have hit the real answer when you used the term "commitment". Farangs have a reputation among some Thais as being more reliable than some other possible choices for husbands. Most likely, the young lady is looking for a moral commitment rather than a legal vise with which to squeeze someone's gonads. :: With respect to sterilization - I agree full with Jasmine's points, knowing someone with problems with her overies. The surgeon only took out the problematic one, refusing to remove the other (she was 36 years old at the time. They insisted that she might want to have another baby.) . A couple of years later, she had to go in to have the other ovary removed. I doubt the reticence to sterilize has much to do with keeping Thailand "Thai". But, I have had the thought expressed that with the increase in the number of Thai-Farang children, pure Thai people might become extinct -something you only read about in books. No kidding. When I hear Americans talk like this it gives me the willies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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