Thai mothers

[sinsin2]

Here are some observations about the status of

Thai women within the family and their relationship

With their parents.I will use sweeping generalisations,

But they contain a lot of truths.

1.land and property follow the maternal line.

2.daughters inherit,sons do not.

3.When a daughter marries a Thai ,They live in her family home.

4.When a son marries He leaves.

5.The Mother decides which daughter gets what.

6.The Thai son in law works like a dog for the Mother,

while she plays one off against another.

7.The Mother pawns the land or house to send the son in law

to work abroad and usually does well out of it.ie tricks/steals

a substantial amount of his earnings.

8.The Mother dies great mourning.

9. Father dies nobody cares.

10.After the death of the husband ,the woman if youngish /wealthy(5 rai,3 cows)

takes in another man quickly.

11.Many ladies in the villages are on 4th/5th husband.”He no good,He lazy.

Some of these points may help board members understand their G/F’s alittle

Better.Many times because of money/security matters, We are paronoid ,

Because we are falang.I pity the Thai men.

[ July 29, 2001: Message edited by: sinsin ]

[ July 30, 2001: Message edited by: sinsin ]

[Guest]

sinsin,

This puts a whole new meaning on how you treat your mother-in-law, or your new mother-in-law to be if she is Thai.

Mother-in-laws

LeoTex

[Bkkbound04]

sinsin,

I am intrigued by your post, are your observations based on personal experience ?I'm separated from my Thai wife and her mother seems to fit the picture you describe;partly why my marriage failed. With my current GF I've decided that the prospective in laws(especially the mother) needed checking out thoroughly, the mothers are surprisingly dominant over their daughters.

JP

[sinsin2]

Jap 12

Regular

Member # 92

Yes ,some ongoing personal experience and observing other Thai/Falang relationships.

But it is only after living in Issan and trying to get behind the façade that I am coming to these conclusions/points.( the real truth is probably too hard/nasty for me and this board to face)

[zanemay]

sinsin,

Thank you for your insights. But the real truth will not be too hard for me/us to face. I can't speak for you.

What are you hinting at? Why do you think it is too hard for you to face?

Zane May

[Guest]

sinsin,

As you said, a few sweeping generalisations with a whole lot of truth in it.

Good that my wife's mom loved me, and never interfered in our relationship, accepted what we gave her with a smile, but never asked for a penny. I really miss her dry humor. After she died the family started falling apart (my wife's dad died before we met).

[Guest]

sinsin,

Interesting, but the strong-mother concept (and certainly some of your points mentioned) is interupting with the view of many Thai daughters beeing abused, sexually or in other way, by their fathers/brothers or other male family. I guess it's not either way and hard to talk in general terms of complex issues like this. Anyway, it would be good to hear more insights that maybe could explain. I can’t believe this to be a question of social class only.

open question: (I guess I’m a bit of the thread, but it’s really related...)

BTW, is it your opinion that beeing sexually abused by family is a minor occurance among BGs or the opposite.

[Grabii]

sinsin,

I've observed some of the same things that you have, no observations on some, and conflicting observations on some. The following observations are from a rice-farming village in Roi Et. Many of the families seemed to be related, offspring of a group of sisters who are now in their 60s.

1 and 2 I've heard these things, but have not seen or heard any specific examples that demonstrate them. My introductory remarks about my wife's village do seem to be consistent with and would be explained by these observations, however.

3 and 4 I've heard this also. In the case of my wife's siblings it holds true if you replace the word "home" with "village". Except in the case of 1 of the younger sisters, who lives with her husband in Bangkok which is far from both families.

5 - 7 I have not seen these things in my wife's family. Neither the mother nor the father seem to take a leadership role in the family, with all of the siblings leading quite independent family lives. The one time that my mother-in-law seemed to be the person to talk to was on the day of our wedding in the village. Nothing had been said about the sinsot, so I finally asked my wife when and how it was to be presented. It was her mother who she brought to me to accept the money.

8 and 9 Haven't experienced the death of either parent yet, fortunately. But I can say that my wife is clearly very close with her father and shows little sign of being close with her mother.

10 Lucky here also, no husbands have died in my wife's family in the present generation and I haven't seen or been told about any dying in the village, either.

11 No divorces that I know of in the village, either. Well, one - my wife herself. And she doesn't put down her ex-husband. I only once ever asked why she left him, and she simply said that he spent all his time and their money going out with his buddies to drink and play snooker. So she threw him out.

quote:

---

Originally posted by sinsin:

Here are some observations about the status of

Thai women within the family and their relationship

With their parents.I will use sweeping generalisations,

But they contain a lot of truths.

1.land and property follow the maternal line.

2.daughters inherit,sons do not.

3.When a daughter marries a Thai ,They live in her family home.

4.When a son marries He leaves.

5.The Mother decides which daughter gets what.

6.The Thai son in law works like a dog for the Mother,

while she plays one off against another.

7.The Mother pawns the land or house to send the son in law

to work abroad and usually does well out of it.ie tricks/steals

a substantial amount of his earnings.

8.The Mother dies great mourning.

9. Father dies nobody cares.

10.After the death of the husband ,the woman if youngish /wealthy(5 rai,3 cows)

takes in another man quickly.

11.Many ladies in the villages are on 4th/5th husband.?He no good,He lazy.

Some of these points may help board members understand their G/F?s alittle

Better.Many times because of money/security matters, We are paronoid ,

Because we are falang.I pity the Thai men.

[ July 29, 2001: Message edited by: sinsin ]

[ July 30, 2001: Message edited by: sinsin ]

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[sinsin2]

JEff

Newbie

Member # 642

“3.When a daughter marries a Thai ,They live in her family home.

4.When a son marries He leaves.”

The usual exceptions to this I find is where the man has worked abroad or is relatively

successful.I agree with you substituting home/village.But although They may have

a house, the mother owns the land.They live in terror of crossing her/the land being pawned

(which it is contiuously)

or heavy gambling losses.

5-7.

You gave the money to the mother not the parents.

8-10.

Attend some funerals in the village and get your g/f to relax and start talking.

She will not talk(badly) about family.

11.Plenty except your not being told in case someone takes you.

Of course most marriages are in the home….unregisterd.

Interesting what you say about a group of sisters.

That seems to be the pattern everywhere.

The great grandparents got substantial holdings 500 rai+,but each generation it is divided

among the daughters.

[sanukdee]

Originally posted by sinsin:

very interesting and insightful post sinsin,

my ex thai wife and her family fit this profile remarkably well, especially the elaborate funeral when mother dies.