HSTEACH Posted August 3, 2001 Report Share Posted August 3, 2001 After being burned by a former bargirl/ wife I decided that if I ever got involved with another Thai woman it would be someone totally outside the bar scene. Well on a three week July trip to BKK, I met a Thai lady I had been emailing for the past two months. We decided a face to face was in order and was I ever surprised. Very cute, very well educated Thai Chinese lady, never married, no kids, looking for a farang hubbie. Well 'm not in the market for a wife just yet but she is facinating. Having only been out with BGs before, this was a real experience. No contact, but having a Thai woman who can understand everything you're talking about is indeed a new experience. I need some advise about how relationships between a farang and a Thai-Chinese lady progress. She's more interested now than me, but seems rather aloof about expressing herself about her feelings. I need some help with this one. Hell, I think I've just been out with to many bargirls to take it slow and easy although I know that's the way is going to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogpatrol Posted August 3, 2001 Report Share Posted August 3, 2001 In general, Thai Chinese girls tend to be well educated and often come from monied backgrounds. Although this is not always the case, it sounds like it may be with your girl. I have had several friends who have dated Thai Chinese girls. For the most part, the girls spoke good English, had been abroad, drove around in nice cars, and loved to shop. For a foreigner with no or little Thai skills, I suppose that this can seem oddly refreshing (except for the shopping). Language barriers are minimal, you can talk about most anything, there is no stress about "does she want me for my money," you can shoot around in her car, and just kind of feel like you are with someone back home, but who is sexy and Asian! My friends all cited such reasons as big positives fro dating Thai Chinese girls. There is always a dark side, though, and time after time I hear the same story - her family CANNOT know about a foreign boyfriend as they would be devastated. So, I have seen some girls flee to the States under the guise of study and then try to softly pop their new foreign bf on their parents then. Others sneak around Bangkok trying not to be seen. Others tell their parents and then soon regret it, which can obviously hurt the relationship....... and on and on. There are several variations to the theme, but the bottom line is that most monied Thai Chinese families want their daughters to be with Thai Chinese boys. So, my words of advice are to try to get a feel early on about what the family thinks. If you don't, it might come back to haunt you. If you do that, at least you will know what you are up against. And who knows...they may be modern in outlook and have no problem whatsoever. Keeping all the above in mind, it isn't to say that the two of you could not just say "f*%k it" and proceed - but I am sure you know about Thai women and their families - strong bonds. Anyhow, enjoy, I am sure it will be an interesting and culturally rich ride. Cheers, froggo [ August 28, 2001: Message edited by: frogpatrol ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 3, 2001 Report Share Posted August 3, 2001 So why does my Chinese-Thai stepmother keep trying to set me up with her thai-chinese friends who have unmarried daughters? So far I've been completely uninterested, mostly because I see them as being too conservative, or I fear that their families would have too high expectations of me. (One girl was the daughter of a Thai Army Colonel. I outright refused to meet...) I think what you say is probably true for the most part, but I get the sense that the excepance of extra-racial/ethnic couples is growing quickly. quote: Originally posted by frogpatrol: There is always a dark side, though, and time after time I hear the same story - her family CANNOT know about a foreign boyfriend as they would be devastated. So, I have seen some girls flee to the States under the guise of study and then try to softly pop their new foreign bf on their parents then. Others sneak around Bangkok trying not to be seen. Others tell their parents and then soon regret it, which can obviously hurt the relationship....... and on and on. There are several variations to the theme, but the bottom line is that most monied Thai Chinese families want their daughters to be with Thai Chinese boys. froggo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted August 3, 2001 Report Share Posted August 3, 2001 No big deal, WW, I'll meet that daughter of a Thai army colonel.... about the subject, families have strong bonds, no doubt, but sometimes the bird has to fly on its own, and realize its life. My friend S. who lives in Ubon has a non-BG thai g/f who left her family rather than obey them and drop him. I think bar girls have more guilt about leaving their families high and dry but i am quite sure that the Romeo and Juliet story is of all continents and races. Some people want to live their life and not the one their family tells them to follow. Thank God! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awayguy Posted August 3, 2001 Report Share Posted August 3, 2001 quote: She's more interested now than me, but seems rather aloof about expressing herself about her feelings. In (non-BG) Thai society, women do not readily express their feelings. The men are supposed to do the chasing and make the professions of undying love. If a woman were to tell a Thai man that she loved him, she runs the risk that he will think her too fast/loose and Thai women would not want people to think that of them. Non-BG Thai women will still fall in love with you as quick as a BG - so watch out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogpatrol Posted August 4, 2001 Report Share Posted August 4, 2001 WW, You are absolutely correct that there are exceptions to the pattern that I described. I sincerely hope that with time and increased exposure to those from other cultures, the exceptions will eventually become the rule....but I may be dreamin' and it may be a while, as these things take time. In sum, I think it is at least helpful to have some sense of what one MAY be up against. Agree? ...and I'm with Pattaya...send a few of the general's daughters this way Cheers, froggo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSTEACH Posted August 4, 2001 Author Report Share Posted August 4, 2001 As far as resistance from her family, there doesn't seem to be any. Maybe the fact she has a brother living in he US who is a US citzen contributes to this feeling. She mother told her that if that (farang BF) was what she wanted, she would trust her daughter's judgement. That is surprising. I had always read that in general Thai/Chinese were against relationships outside their ethnic group. Maybe a changing of the times. As far as being seen in public with a farang, she has absolutely no problems with that. I fact seems to be rather proud of dragging this farang from shop to shop spending her money mind you. Never tries to cover up the fact she's with me. When she sees another Thai looking at us, she just gives them a big smile. Made the comment one time, people thought she was a BG when they saw us. Said she knew what she was doing and besides it was none of their damn business who she was with. Maybe she's just a little bit more liberal than others. Who in hell knows tho. Should be interesting times ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 4, 2001 Report Share Posted August 4, 2001 Yep, always wise to understand the culture of women you're courting. As for the acceptance of thai-chinese/farang couples, I suspect it will be pretty much normal in a generations time as traditional barriers break down. Probably a bit long to wait for most of us! quote: Originally posted by frogpatrol: WW, You are absolutely correct that there are exceptions to the pattern that I described. In sum, I think it is at least helpful to have some sense of what one MAY be up against. Agree? froggo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 14, 2001 Report Share Posted August 14, 2001 before separating from my bg wifey, i dated a sexy 30 yr old th'chnse divorcee, no kids, educated in england, the middle kid of a prosperous family in the restaurant business, property, cars, cash, everything. we got along very well, translated everything for me, was generous, introduced me to her enormous extended mostly professional family in Chiangmai and Bangkok and life started to look up. the mother's suspicions waned after a while, (her kid sister was married to a European guy - met him on the Net) we had a good time and soon it was obvious she was looking for a new long term relationship as was I. she could easily think farang with her educational background when she chose, but as things moved along any time there was a hiccup she reverted to the thai culture mode, as she chose, and argument and discussion became useless. i found out she was bolemic, just couldn't resist eating but had to keep her figure. heavy drinker too. spoilt to death. she'd have one of her workers come in and massage her feet, another paint her nails, etc and although she was very charming, persausive and unbelievably polite with a very nice way with people she had just one friend, a family friend from a different socio-economic group, a kind of minder/ protector/ drinking buddy. strange. slowly her behavior changed and an ugly side emerged. she probed periodically to get some idea of my net worth which i minimized to such a degree she finally figured i didn't have enough, right now, to satisfy her. and looking back on my last 3 wives she looked like she came out of the same mould where sooner or later something, lots of things, eventually everything dissatisfies her. total time investment was 4-6 weeks so no harm done. i learned later that the family undercurrents were too strong for her to manage in a farang relationship, her elder brother being as influential as the mother and very proper old school (zero touching in public etc). i had been exposed to a degree of politeness both to myself and between themselves by the whole extended family, to a degree many have never experienced and certainly not me. Cultured Brits are generally very polite too but there's an edge that's more in tune with every day life. the differences are too hard to describe without a lot of thought. seems to be a lot of premeditation in Thailand and i found it hard to comprehend the depth of such politeness and found myself charmed in a surreal world, almost hypnotized for a while. i later realized much of it was a smokescreen and as we gradually detached i felt more comfortable back in my own world generally being myself. bottom line was i'd found myself a middle/upper class thai gold-digger i thought was going to be a nice replacement for the sexy young farmgirl gold-digger. on reflection, the former was worse by a mile and i'm only glad the process didn't eat up too much more time. in other circumstances it could have worked out well. but not with close members of the family scrutinising every move. an interesting experience though. lots of good memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogpatrol Posted August 14, 2001 Report Share Posted August 14, 2001 Khun Baa, Chalk that one up to one of the myriad learning experiences that the foreigner goes through in Thailand. Sounds like you enjoyed the ride for most of the time, and things dissolved before too much damage was done to either party. All and all, it could have been a lot worse, right? froggo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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