CLOSED FOREVER! Nana Plaza, Patpong, Cowboy--

[chuckwoww]

This may be a good time to revisit the inimitable Mr. Tsow's article on....the Thailand Scum Card!

 

Low-life elites from THE NATION

 

Published on Jan 16, 2004

 

 

If you don?t have Bt2 million to spare on a Thailand Elite card, then the Thailand Scum card might be perfect for you.

 

In this imperfect world, a crude dualism prevails. Every yin has its yang, every night has its day, every up has its down, every east has its west, every dog has its cat, every Tweedledum has its Tweedledee, and every George W Bush has his Saddam Hussein.

 

Sages tell us that the key to peace and harmony lies in keeping these opposing forces in balance. When the balance is violated, disorder will ensue.

 

Thailand is suffering from a gross imbalance. The government is offering the prestigious Thailand Elite card to rich foreigners who have Bt2 million to throw around, but it offers nothing to indigent foreigners who don?t.

 

In its eagerness to kowtow to the rich and famous of the world ? and, incidentally, to nick a good chunk of their money ? the government has unwittingly shattered the cosmic balance and knocked askew the feng shui of the nation.

 

Seeking to redress this imbalance and restore moral order to a society thrown wildly out of kilter, I propose to offer a card to impoverished foreigners that will serve as an indispensable counterweight to the Thailand Elite card.

 

I thought of calling this the Thailand Cheapskate card, or the Thailand Lowlife card, or the Thailand Dirtbag card. But I finally decided to call it the Thailand Scum card because ?scum? says it all about the kind of person I am ? and the kind of foreigners I am trying to reach.

 

I have formed a company to issue this card and administer its benefits. But we won?t just serve the needs of foreign scum in Thailand. No, indeed. I have a grand vision of world domination that will encompass scum from every nation. Hence the name of my company, Worldscum Unlimited. Try visiting our website at www.worldscum.org, and see what happens.

 

Nothing will happen because we?re too cheap to have a website.

 

The Thailand Scum card will cost a mere Bt10, because we know you?re a cheapskate ? and so are we. It won?t be made of glitzy plastic, but of austere recycled paper. Don?t get it wet or it will disintegrate. It won?t have your photo, just your signature (if you know how to write). If you really feel the need for a photo, you can draw a cartoon of yourself on the back.

 

I know there are parsimonious persons who will balk at spending 10 valuable baht on our card. They will argue that you don?t need a card to be scum in Thailand, and this is true. But the card offers the opportunity to identify yourself as scum, to affirm your solidarity with the scummy masses and to meet and exchange views with fellow members of the scumry. (Scholarly note: ?Scumry? is a term that I have coined, cognate with ?citizenry,? to designate the collective membership of the scum community.)

 

Now, what benefits will foreign scum get for investing their 10 hard-earned baht in our prestigious card? Unlike the Thailand Elite card, the Thailand Scum card will not entitle you to buy property in Thailand. But it will enable you to hang around outside the moats, drawbridges and crenellated walls of other people?s property. You can try to peek inside, but be careful not to annoy any patrolling Dobermans or Gurkha guards carrying AK-47s.

 

The card doesn?t give you access to posh golf courses, but it does entitle you to loiter beyond the outer perimeters in the hope of stealing a rare glimpse of some rich and famous holder of the Thailand Elite card scoring a birdie on the ninth hole. You might be lucky enough to see a member of the illustrious Burmese military junta on holiday, taking a well-deserved rest from the stresses of crushing ethnic minorities, persecuting dissidents and locking up the winners of democratic elections.

 

The card doesn?t give you preferential treatment at immigration offices, but it does give you the opportunity to take a number and wait your turn.

 

It doesn?t give you preferential treatment at luxurious private hospitals, either; but it does give you entry to the waiting rooms of spartan government hospitals, where the wretched huddled masses dumbly linger for hours under sweatshop conditions in the futile hope of glimpsing the back of a passing doctor.

 

It doesn?t give you discounts at the best hotels, but it does entitle you to pay a mere Bt150 per night at the famed Grotty Guesthouse in Banglampoo, which boasts an actual sheet on the bed (I didn?t say it was clean) and toilet facilities in a nearby alley. You won?t find a complimentary floral bouquet on your pillow, but you might find a cockroach under it.

 

Our card doesn?t give you hefty discounts on Thai International Airways, but it does qualify you to hitch rides on Thai fishing boats.

 

When holders of the Thailand Scum card encounter holders of the Thailand Elite card, we demonstrate our good will by courteously breaking wind as they pass by. While liveried footmen usher them to their chauffeured stretch limousines, we crouch serf-like by the gutter and wave our cards, in the hope that this display of cardly solidarity will inspire them to toss a few coins our way ? preferably Bt10 ones.

 

In this way, we assert our dignity and proclaim to all the world that, although we are scum, we too have a card.

 

S Tsow can be flamed at stsow@yahoo.com, except when he?s crouching serf-like by the gutter asserting his dignity.

 

S TSOW

[Guest]

Buying an Elite Card in order to buy land always looked like a roundabout way of paying a bribe to me. Then, surprise surprise, the Thai government changed the rules and kept the money! (Actually the cards went on sale prior to proposed amendments to the foreign ownership laws).

 

I have no sympathy for the elite suckers who fell for it...but I'd be interested to know if any of them got their money back...or even bothered asking for a refund.

Pretty strange sort of bribe. There was a big marketing push promoting the card in official government announcements, the newspapers, on TV and at the airport when you entered Thailand. All officially endorsed by the government.

 

In most places you can rely on this sort of thing. And in most countries bribery is a bit more discrete; that is why it is usually associated words "under the table". Here, they had large flashing neon signs at the immigration counter and throughout town promoting the program and its benefits, including land ownership.

 

Does this mean we cannot rely on any official government announcements here? If the government puts its word behind a program, says it will do something and then changes its position, we're suckers? Even if you don't agree with the announcement or policy in the first place, changing that policy after you take the money isn't good for investment.

[chuckwoww]

Gadfly1 said:

Buying an Elite Card in order to buy land always looked like a roundabout way of paying a bribe to me. Then, surprise surprise, the Thai government changed the rules and kept the money! (Actually the cards went on sale prior to proposed amendments to the foreign ownership laws).

 

I have no sympathy for the elite suckers who fell for it...but I'd be interested to know if any of them got their money back...or even bothered asking for a refund.

Pretty strange sort of bribe. There was a big marketing push promoting the card in official government announcements, the newspapers, on TV and at the airport when you entered Thailand. All officially endorsed by the government.

 

In most places you can rely on this sort of thing. And in most countries bribery is a bit more discrete; that is why it is usually associated words "under the table". Here, they had large flashing neon signs at the immigration counter and throughout town promoting the program and its benefits, including land ownership.

 

Does this mean we cannot rely on any official government announcements here? If the government puts its word behind a program, says it will do something and then changes its position, we're suckers? Even if you don't agree with the announcement or policy in the first place, changing that policy after you take the money isn't good for investment.

 

Well you can dress it up and put lipstick on it but getting fools to buy the Elite Card was just an elaborate bribe perpetrated by some clever people in the Thai government with help from some farang entrepreneurs. Do a google search on Leslie Kierig when you get a chance. They found a way to get some money out of farangs by promising them a chance to buy land but if the elite had looked at the fine print they would see that they would only be leasing the land pending new legislation which never happened. Just the word 'elite' should have raised a red flag. Elite is a word used a lot in the advertizing industry that panders to vanity and greed. I'm amazed a few hundred elite wannabes actually fell for it. The Thai government should have been ashamed to put their name to such a scheme.

 

And yes it does mean you should be distrustful of promises made by any government and particularly the Thai government under Thaksin Shinawatra. This doesn't mean some people don't benefit but foreigners in particular should be very careful. I'm surprised you don't know all this already. You continue to show shock and surprise when foreigners get ripped off. How can you be that naive? Who is the hardnosed realist here Gadfly? You or me?

[Pom Michael]

Chuckwoww,

 

You should not be mentioning specific people on the board, if you want to link to a specific article that would be better.

 

Cheers!

[chuckwoww]

Pom Michael said:

Chuckwoww,

 

You should not be mentioning specific people on the board, if you want to link to a specific article that would be better.

 

Cheers!

 

If you say so. The person in question certainly wasn't shy on 'another forum'.

 

http://tinyurl.com/ry2bb

[Pom Michael]

CW,

 

Still, no need to bring him in from another web forum into this one. The link is fine, but his name in your post is not appropriate in my view.

[Guest]

you should be distrustful of promises made by any government and particularly the Thai government under Thaksin Shinawatra.

Well, I certainly agree with that. But I think you have missed the point here: by taking the money and failing to deliver, the government seriously undermines its credibility.

 

This is not about the people who bought Elite Cards, and it certainly isn't about bribery (that comment was just plain silly). It's about prospective future investors who know that you cannot rely on commitments from the Thai government. It's like failing to pay your credit card debt; you might be able to get another credit card in the future, but you are going to pay a premimum for it because you're considered a high credit risk.

 

That is the problem with the Thai government reneging on promises and commitments generally. This is not just a problem with the Elite Card, but a pervasive problem of failing to honor other commitments and obligations, such as international arbitration awards and generally having a pretty poor record with the rule of law. It is not a matter of shock and outrage. It is a matter of risks and costs.

You continue to show shock and surprise when foreigners get ripped off. How can you be that naive? Who is the hardnosed realist here Gadfly? You or me?

Is this some sort of personal issue with you? What a strange comment.

 

In any event, and getting back to the theme of this thread, the Thai government's track record generally on keeping promises is making it appear as though any commitment it makes is nothing more than an April Fool's joke.

[chuckwoww]

Gadfly1 said:

You continue to show shock and surprise when foreigners get ripped off. How can you be that naive? Who is the hardnosed realist here Gadfly? You or me?

Is this some sort of personal issue with you? What a strange comment.

 

In any event, and getting back to the theme of this thread, the Thai government's track record generally on keeping promises is making it appear as though any commitment it makes is nothing more than an April Fool's joke.

 

I was simply replying to you. You chose to take exception to my description of the Elite Card scheme (notice I say scheme and not scam) as elaborate bribery. The Thai government were soliciting money for privileged services. The people who went along with it were paying to bypass normal channels. That fits the dictionary definition of bribery. The fact that it was officially sanctioned doesn't change anything IMO.

 

I don't know why you chose to make a big deal out of what is essentially a matter of opinion and semantics. Certainly nothing personal on my part though I'll admit to making strange off-topic comments from time to time. You shouldn't let yourself get so easily side-tracked.

 

Still off topic I notice the land buying privilege is no longer part of the Elite Card package. Which leaves 'free' golf, easier visa extensions and obsequious fawning from doormen and receptionists.

[PhilAnders]

 

this old joke didn't get nearly as many replies.

 

amazing how some people just keep repeating the same shite.