frede Posted January 30, 2008 Report Share Posted January 30, 2008 Well, I just read this and it left me slightly shocked! I might add this type of p4p is not my secene though. Good old Dana. One for our bisexual readers. Dana's Traditional British Tranny Breakfast Dana By : Dana Views : 281 Font size default increase decrease If you ever have some spare time one day in Bangkok; instead of playing snooker with some nitwit in Frankenstein shoes, or sitting around the hotel pool one more boring time; go over to Foodland on Soi 5 and buy a can of peas. Bring the can of peas back to your hotel room. Open the can and take out a pea and throw the rest away. Now put the pea on your desk top and sit down and really look at it. Blow on it a little so that it moves around. Poke at it with your finger to get a sense of its weight. Pick it up in your hand and heft it to better know it. Now you know the size and the weight of the average maid's brain in the Nana Hotel in Bangkok. Their brains are the size of peas! Last night for the fourth year in a row I tried to get them to tell me where the tall step ladder is in the hotel. I knew one existed because I have been through this many times before. You should have been there. It was like trying to get a dog to decipher the Rosetta stone. Academy Award winners in Hollywood couldn't have projected more complete incomprehension. I have a very small step ladder that I use for shower games with bargirls in the bathtub; but for this mornings Traditional British Tranny Breakfast I need the tall hotel step ladder. So last night around four in the morning I was using the hotel service elevator and skulking around all the floors, and all the stairwells, and all the storage areas looking for the ladder. I found it. Now the eyebolt is in the ceiling over the bed and a rope is hanging down. But it wasn't easy. When I put the ladder up on top of the bed and then climbed up with the power drill; the whole situation was way too wiggly. So plan B was to move the bed. Impossible! The bed must have weighed 1000 lbs. After the last world-ending atomic bombs have fallen, the only things left on earth will be roaches and the beds at the Nana Hotel in Bangkok. So I had to tear the bed apart. Horse out the king size mattress, tear out the slats, etc. Put the ladder inside the frame, etc. None of this deconstruction would be necessary if the mamasans would send over post-op trannies like I request; but sometimes they send over pre-op trannies--then I need the rope hanging down from the ceiling. You can't get reliable tranny delivery like you used to. So anyway, the eyebolt is in the ceiling and the rope is hanging down and the bed is reassembled. It is the morning of my last day in Bangkok and I am going to start the day off with Dana's Traditional British Tranny Breakfast. My last day in Thailand is always a no pressure, slow, relaxed day. No sex. I'm too tired--mentally and physically. Just a nice breakfast followed by puttering around the room and erranding around the neighborhood. I've got my marmalade, bread and toasts and crisps and crackers, my toaster, bleach, a bucket, a sponge, a towel, razors, and some British sausages. Most of this stuff I picked up yesterday at Foodland. Oh, I also have a roll of duct tape, and an adjustable polyethylene Elizabethan style post surgery dog collar: sized medium. These are the funnel shaped collars that veterinarians put on dogs after surgery so that they can not get to their stitches. We are not going to be doing any surgery on the tranny but the funnel shaped collar keeps her from watching me as I am engaged in repose and reflection while having breakfast. These surgical dog collars have a velco closing system and a padded neck edge. Most trannies have pencil necks, so a medium sized dog funnel is just right. Think Airedales. I used to buy a toaster every year but using a toaster just once and then leaving it behind started to offend my thrift sensibilities. So then I started bringing a toaster to Thailand every year. But lately, that hasn't been such a good idea because a metal box full of little machinery things looks like a bomb when going through luggage X-ray. So now I am back to buying toasters. Anyway, I am ready--all I need now is a tranny. Knock Knock! Oh, there she is now. Her name is Fon. She looks hot but she looks tired. She's probably been up all night servicing clients, or doing drugs, or picking pockets on Soi 11. No matter, she looks good and this isn't about sex anyway. All we are going to do is have breakfast. I strip her and lay her down on the bed. I tie off her arms and her legs with short pieces of rope that go to the bed posts. I put duct tape over her mouth and put the dog funnel collar over her head. These funnel shaped collars look ridiculous on dogs but on trannies they just look like good sense. There is nothing more disconcerting when you are trying to have a breakfast of dignity and repose than having a tranny's eyes following you around the room. Anyway, I can see that she is a pre-op so I use the rope hanging from the ceiling to tie her little Thai penis up out of the way. I hate penis in my marmalade. Maybe that's just me. You might have another opinion. Then I have to shave her. She is already shaved in the pubic area because she is a working girl but for breakfast I like to be clean. The shaving is boring and time consuming but it is ok: it's all about coming down and relaxing on my last vacation day. Once shaved I clean the area with bleach. I used to use a sponge or a towel and try to do it gently but there was too much screaming. When the bleach hit the open wounds left by the shaving sometimes the trannies would jerk and scream. Hence the need for restraints and duct tape. Sometimes they would arch with only their heads and their heels on the bed. Not uninteresting but not really the thing you want to see at breakfast. You might have another opinion. The dog collar is so that I don't have them following me around the room with their eyes. Oh yeah, I already said that. Anyway, this isn't about the two of us: it is just about me. So anyway, gently sponging on the bleach was too much torture for both of us; so now I just pour it into a bucket, and throw the whole bucket on their pubic area at once. One arch, one scream, some seizure-like thrashing; and then we are done. Now the marmalade. I have learned not to keep the marmalade in the refrigerator. Too cold. Remember when you used to go to the doctor's office as a child and he would put the cold stethoscope on your chest and you would jump? Same theory. So I put room temperature marmalade on. I dump the whole jar on their groin and spread it around. That's why you want a post-op, rather than a pre-op; too messy and unattractive to have a penis in the marmalade. Hence the eyebolt in the ceiling and the hanging rope. Then you add sliced bangers to the marmalade. I recommend very small pieces and not too many of them. The different colors look nice. Now for some toast. You want to buy bread that will toast up stiff. Because you are going to use the toast as a kind of scraper. If you can't find the right kind of bread I recommend the small size toasts, and crisps, and crackers popular at embassy parties. I find the British marmalades and toasted bread products and sausages the best. I use bangers by B. Leaning & Sons, or by Wells, or by Viking. Since you can't heat them or cook them you want to get fat-free, skinless, micro-wave size pork or beef. I like sage flavoring. Tastes vary. Marmalades come in all flavors from Quince to Gooseberry. I like orange marmalade with bits of rind and sugar bits that crunch. The dark bangers against the orange marmalade highlighted by the trannies dark skin is pretty. A lot of good eating is good presentation. If you can eliminate tranny jerking, and screaming, and get a nice visual presentation you've got something. You can eat with just one piece of toast--open face Danish style; or add a second layer of toast--closed face American style. I may put out a tranny breakfast recipe book. I like the scraping sound as you drag the toast or crisp or cracker across the pubic bone. While the bread is toasting, I spend the idle time packing. Taking things out of the closet and off of the hangers and folding them and putting them in my bags. Trying to make decisions like do I want the heavy stuff on the bottom or do I want the heavy stuff on the top. Whoops: there's the toast! Ah, perfect. Very stiff. So now down to the groin that has been attractively outfitted with marmalade and bangers; scrape a piece of toast along the pubic area and eat. Excellent. Very, very tasty. And very attractively served, if I do say so. I have been having breakfast like this for years on my last morning in Bangkok. It is one of the little traditions and habits that gives my life meaning. Fon has fallen asleep. I am happily toasting and scraping breakfast off of her groin and eating; reflecting, calm, happy. That is another reason why the duct tape and the restraints and the dog collar are good ideas: it just completely takes the tranny out of the social mix. They often fall asleep. The thrashing, and the jerking, and the screaming, and the talking, and the eyes following you around the room, can be so off putting when you are just trying to start the day in a civilized manner. So what with toasting and eating and packing; Dana's Traditional British Tranny Breakfast usually takes about an hour. What with mamasan fee, tranny cost, and miscellaneous expenses; it's about 4000 baht. I recommend it. Now be honest. When you first started reading this and you saw the word tranny I'll bet you thought you were going to read something naughty, or sexy, or deviant. Maybe that is a reflection on you and how your mind works. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Nothing deviant or unusual, just breakfast in Bangkok. Dignity, repose, and reflection at the end of a visit to the Kingdom. Now, don't you feel foolish? Anyway, once I run out of toast I clean the tranny up and dress her. She is usually a little wobbly. In this case, Fon was fine. At the end I always offer the little darlings a 50 baht bonus if they will exit the hotel wearing the dog collar, and the duct tape, with the wrist and ankle ropes trailing behind them. So next time you are looking at your last day on vacation in the Kingdom; try starting it with Dana's Traditional British Tranny Breakfast. Now, let's see. . . . where is that list of things I have to do today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faustian Posted January 30, 2008 Report Share Posted January 30, 2008 Obviously total bollox...someone being this ritualistically obsessed is bordering on the psychopathic, or at the least is severely personality disordered. A person to avoid in your day to day life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Social_Norm Posted January 30, 2008 Report Share Posted January 30, 2008 Clearly a work of fiction which was created to shock or amuse or both depending on the reader's disposition. Personally, I found it entertaining just as I find all the wacky CSI type movies entertaining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckwoww Posted January 30, 2008 Report Share Posted January 30, 2008 Clearly a work of fiction which was created to shock or amuse or both depending on the reader's disposition. Personally, I found it entertaining just as I find all the wacky CSI type movies entertaining. Well said Social_Norm. Fiction frede, the unbridled human imagination in full gallop. You are clearly unfamiliar with the great Dana's remarkable oeuvre. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bantex... Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 Obviously not a lot of oxygen in your world mate! They say the brain needs oxygen to function. But then again - No brain, no need for oxygen. Try to get out more!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckwoww Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 That's too deep for me. Is it my defence of Dana's writing you object to or my choice of words? Or perhaps you meant to post on the 'dumbing down of Britain' thread? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frede Posted March 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Yes, I know is Dana but you gotta be kinds sick to think that shit up . Dana doesnt impress me as a writer at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckwoww Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Sick? Not necessarily. The human subconcious works on many levels. A lot of us have strange thoughts but not all of us write about them. Some even see the act of writing as therapeutic. As for Dana's literary merits...there are several schools of thought on the matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frede Posted March 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Yeh, I agree with most of what you have written there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckwoww Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Hard not to really isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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