Jeremy Clarkson On Scotland

[The_Munchmaster]

I've always thought Clarkson was a bit of a cunt, just a bit too fond of hearing himself speak, but thought Lazyphil and any other sasenach board members might enjoy this.

 

Look, Mr McChap - youâ??re part of Britain, so just get over it

 

Jeremy Clarkson

 

If you were part of the Wimbledon centre court crowd on Monday, when Andy Murray came back from two sets down to beat Richard Gasquet, I hope you are thinking seriously this morning about doing the decent thing and committing suicide.

 

As I sat watching the revolting spectacle on television, I was - and this doesnâ??t happen often - ashamed to be middle class and English. Because there they were, 15,000 phlebitis-ridden Surrey women in their size 16 summer frocks, furiously banging their bingo wings together every time that poor Frenchie made a mistake. And raising whatâ??s left of the roof every time Murray, who looks like a piece of string with a knot in it, got a point.

 

This was not Britain versus France. It was two individuals who have worked hard to become their countryâ??s number ones, bashing it out at the worldâ??s premier tennis tournament for a chance to be flattened by Nadal. And because of that noise, and the whooping and the idiotic bias, the best man lost.

 

Sport is as much about mental attitude as talent, and itâ??s hard to get your head in gear when you are faced with a sea of highlighted raspberry-ripple women waving their Daily Mails at you and applauding every time you do a double fault.

 

Rabble-rousing does not happen in other countries to anything like this extent. Because their tennis crowds have manners. And the thin-lipped, surgical-stockinged, Volvo-driving masses who descended on Wimbledon this year plainly do not.

 

I wouldnâ??t mind but they were cheering for a man who has, in the past, made it plain that he is not English at all, or British. But Scottish. And that, for me, is becoming a problem.

 

When we kindly gave the Scots their Stone of Destiny back, I thought that that would be that and Sean Connery would go back to playing golf. But no. Every day thereâ??s another rabid attack on the English from up there in the heather, another demand that we simply sever all ties and let them forge their own path in the world.

 

This I donâ??t understand. I can see why the English might want independence from them. Scotland is a drain on our economy to the tune of about £10 billion a year. But them wanting to leave us? Isnâ??t that a bit like the oxpecker spitting in the rhinoâ??s eye?

 

Theyâ??d have to have their own embassies around the world. Theyâ??d have to get their own currency. And think of how much it would cost to set up a whole new state, especially in a country that managed to spend £414m on a parliament building. That works out at £1m for every man, woman and child still living there. Scotland would even have to get its own army. Oh no, wait a minute. Iâ??ve just remembered. They have one already. Itâ??s called the SAS.

 

Thereâ??s more, too. Only last week there were calls from north of the border for a separate Scottish entry for next yearâ??s Eurovision song contest. What? The Proclaimers? Or just a random collection of men in dresses blowing into their tartan bags? Either way, I canâ??t see them getting too many votes from Estonia.

 

Itâ??s funny. Iâ??ve never had a problem with Scotland or its people. I recognise the massive contribution itâ??s made to the world of inventions. I like haggis. Local Hero is my all-time favourite film. And in a rugby match, Iâ??ve always supported the boys in blue so long as they werenâ??t actually up against us.

 

Certainly, if I felt the need to poke a bit of fun at someone, the Welsh made much better targets. Now, though, things seem to be changing because, when I stop and think about it, Iâ??ve never met a Welshman whom Iâ??ve disliked. Apart from Piers Pughe-Morgan, obviously - and he claims to be Irish. Whereas, these days, every Scotchman rides into the room on a wave of bile and nationalism.

 

They have become the new Australians; unable to get through any conversation without bringing up a litany of English failures and embarrassments. Ask a barman up there for a glass of Scotch, and what you get instead is an essay on Culloden and Stirling and Bannockburn, and Murrayfield back in March.

 

All of this is fine when itâ??s good-natured, but I have a sense these days that the veneer of friendly rivalry is being replaced with a mask of smiling anger. Sometimes I get the distinct impression that if I mention Falkirk, the McChap will lean over the bar and pull my arms off.

 

I feel about this the same way that a mother might feel when her daughter, whom sheâ??s loved and nurtured and helped - with £10 billion a year - suddenly turns round and says: â??I hate you. And Iâ??m going to get a flat on my own.â? You know the poor child is going to have her heart broken and get into trouble and catch chlamydia.

 

So this column - itâ??s a plea. Can you stop it? You lost. Youâ??re part of Britain. Youâ??ve had 300 years to get used to that, and itâ??s starting to look as though youâ??re being stubborn.

 

The fact is that the union has been a good thing. We are grateful to you for inventing penicillin and the telephone, and you should be grateful to us for introducing you to proper food and trousers.

 

If you want to go, thatâ??s fine - but canâ??t we at least part as friends? Because if we canâ??t, next time thereâ??s a tennis match between Murray and Gasquet, I shall simply support the person who lives nearest to me. And thatâ??d be the Frenchie.

 

[allistar]

I thought that Scotland HAD its own currency?

[sayjann]

I thought that Scotland HAD its own currency?

 

yes and no.

they have different notes and many places in England will not accept Scottish notes...... :thumbdown:

 

i like Clarkson because he speaks his mind and gives an opinion in a way which is usually humorous but not offensive to many.

and his remarks about driving in the UK are echoed by many Brits.