Patts, BKK, Mnla, AC, Boracay, Cebu P2

[doris day]

Got on a flight from Clark airport. An hour late and when I reminded a member of the ground crew how late we were and how I’d been sitting on my ass staring at the wall for an hour she just said ‘hrmph’ and stormed off. Customer service South East Asian Air style. The plane looked like it was from the 1950’s. Propellors that needed to be wound up…..chinks and dents all over the plane I felt genuinely nervous getting onboard. The flight was good however, and the view when we approached Boracay was fantastic. I instantly stopped thinking about what I’d left behind. To get to Boracay from the airport you have to get to the docks and then catch a boat for a five minute ride to the actual island of Boracay as you land on a different island. It’s a quick trip and SEAIR pay for all the transfers.

 

I checked into my lovely hotel with it’s helpful and young staff. They tried hard but often made mistakes but Filipino hospitality is excellent. I hired a scooter…not too much but massively more expensive than Thailand. I paid probably $70 or 80 dollars Australian for four days. In Thailand it would’ve cost me half that or less. I absolutely had to have a scooter they are great fun and make getting around so much easier. I hadn’t been on a scooter in years but as soon as I got on the feel was back and I was showing up the locals weaving in and out of the traffic.

 

Boracay is as beautiful a place as I’ve ever seen. Phuket is stunning too but they are different. Boracay has a better vibe to it and I’m convinced there’s no better place to be New Years then Bora. It’s not a big place and I didn’t do much apart from ride around, take photos, sit on the beach and eat and drink. But I was well satisfied with that. Next time I will do some activities and there are plenty on offer. Bora is full of bars and restaurants right on the beach. The main road is set back from the beach…it connects all the boat stations as they are called. Down this main road are lots and lots of little alleyways which take you directly to the beach at different points along it. So you can ride along and explore these little alleys and pop out onto the beach anywhere you want. The people who work on the island are friendly and the other tourists there are laid back and the vibe is chilled and very very peaceful. I loved the place.

 

My four days went quickly. I discovered deserted beaches off the beaten track and walked up and down the sandy beach ‘footpath’ littered with shops and bars and restaurants. I ate fresh seafood, although I must admit many of the restaurants didn’t seem to understand how best to cook fresh fish which was a huge disappointment. I did eventually find some places who knew what they were doing. The bars all have happy hours…emphasis on hours….and two for one drinks…especially beautiful summer cocktails were at pretty much every bar along the several kilometre stretch of main beach area. I got into the habit of hanging out at a place named Charlh’s (not my spelling) which served 2 for 1 cocktails from 4pm everyday. It also had a great view of the sunset and my daily ritual was to watch the sun go down while drinking cocktails and beers. I was at ease with the world and felt like I was in heaven. I would take a swim after a few cocktails and then return to my seat wearing only my boardies and feeling free and happy.

 

Basically my four days consisted of riding during the day and then hitting Charlh’s and then showering at my hotel and changing and then eating dinner on the beach under fairy lights listening to the sound of the gentle waves washing up on the shore. I would then wander down the main stretch of beach drinking at the various bars and looking in the shops. After that I would get on my bike and head up to some of the nightlife spots such as Cocomangas and then crash on the beach for a while before going to bed. And repeat and repeat. I almost went cliff diving although it was actually difficult to find anyone who knew about it, and I was going to go snorkelling and visit the Crystal Caves etc etc but this was my time to chill so I don’t really regret not being more proactive. New Years was a blast. I watched the sun go down at Charlh’s, got changed and then walked from party to party on the beach. Met an Aussie DJ and watched fireworks going off all up and down the beach. Stood on the beach and just took it all in. It was amazing. I can’t recommend Bora highly enough. Go there…just go there.

 

There was some pro action. New Years I saw a girl emerge from one of the alleyways and stand there as if waiting. A single male walked up to her and they walked off hand in hand. She was only there for maybe 3 minutes before being swooped up. I also saw what had to be hookers leaving Cocomangas with their customers and they actually looked good. Coco’s is quite dark so I didn’t actually spot the girls until they walked out into the relative light of the street. There were also some mingers there too and a ladyboy. It’s not a high class place, I witnessed 3 people throwing up on the dancefloor. No attempt to go to the toilet just puke where you are. No idea about pricing I wasn’t looking for action. It was sad to leave.

 

Another newbie mistake I made was to leave my helmet dangling from my handlebars each night. Now I’ve hired scooters before but for some reason I just didn’t bother locking the helmet up properly…maybe cause everyone else seemed to do the same. My helmet didn’t get stolen until the last night. When I took the bike back I got the feeling that the guy(s) I hired it from had actually stolen it knowing I’d have to take the bike back without the helmet and they could extort some cash from me. When I hired the bike there was one skinny dude there but when I took it back there were maybe 5 or 6 guys there and one big dude who was very quick to let me know if I didn’t pay there would be trouble.

 

When you hire the bike you have to put down where you are staying. So they could easily ride past spot the bike and see the helmet there and take it. The big guy tried to intimidate me but then only asked for measly 500 pesos to replace the helmet. I was already late for my flight (although with Filipina time I still had to wait ages to get on the plane). I could be paranoid but he knew the price he wanted and he quickly jumped into extortion mode so it just made me feel like I was getting set up. It’s a way they can make a quick 500 pesos extra and it seems like a coincidence that they helmet only went missing on the last night and they knew I was returning the bike just before my flight. No time to argue or they knew I’d just pay it. If I had more time I still would’ve paid but I would’ve put him in his place and told him to drop the tone or he’d cop a punch to the head and I really didn’t care how many of his mates were there.

Reluctantly I flew to Cebu. Short flight on a bigger plane this time. Stewardess wearing a mini skirt, check, flirting check, photo check, date? No I didn’t ask. I had lined up several girls online that I’d hoped to hook up with. I got a cab to the ‘hotel’ I was staying at. Watch who you go with here there are lots of touts and they will try and charge you a rate much higher than the metered fare. Initially I got caught out but then realised how close the hotel was to the airport and got a metered taxi instead. D’oh I gotta get back to rolling smarter than this again. The taxi driver couldn’t find the ‘hotel’ because the ‘hotel’ DIDN’T HAVE A SIGN. In fact the ‘hotel’ is actually an apartment block that is named something else. Confusion plus. Eventually got there. Lancaster Hotel in Manilla is excellent. Lancaster ‘Hotel’ in Cebu is absolute bollocked crap. On the surface nice looking rooms. Shower was a dribble…literally a dribble…..seriously a dribble. A thin sheet on the bed…nothing else. So put the air con on and you are freezing….leave it off and you are boiling. Hot or cold up to you. Just right? Nah fuck off we don’t do that here.

 

Ok so after the problems are reported (with no action) I go to SM Mall and look around. The drive from Lapu Lapu to Cebu City isn’t far but I seem like the only one who thinks it’s a short trip. Everyone else I talk to on this trip bitches and pikes because it’s too far. SM Mall is nice but the I can’t see the point of building a lovely shopping mall in the middle of and absolute shithole. Who is shopping here. I can’t see anyone who looks like they can afford to shop here (apart from me but I didn’t buy THAT much). The Philippines to me just looks like one big slum with bad traffic and shopping malls…..and one fantastic island paradise called Boracay. That’s it folks. I start texting an online girl and we would continue texting for days but she never came tomeet me. Nothing but hassle and bullshit from her. In fact, I would only hook up with one girl from online even though most of the girls on the site were from Cebu. But that’s another story.

 

Back to the Lancaster and I hit the bar and low and behold an aussie who has been coming to the Phils for 30 years fills me in. We talk about the Phils and he gives me some advice. I’m not having much luck with texting girls (maybe they are all busy because of the time of year it is…all the guys are holidaying because it’s the Christmas holidays and the girls are all taken?) . I hit mango Avenue and I must admit all the stories about the crime had me a little on edge and I don’t usually get nervous about that sort of thing. Stopped at an ATM and a persistent beggar tries to get money from me. Then when the taxi turns around a girl taps on the window and just stares at me. I’m guessing she was whoring herself but she looked unfriendly. Went into Viking bar and there were a couple of honeys in here. This could actually be a fun bar except the lady drink pressure is stupidly huge. I bought two lady drinks but that wasn’t nearly enough for these bitches.

 

The girl I was with was nice and didn’t ask for drinks but the service staff all took a rotation type turn at asking me to buy her a drink and then another drink etc etc. once the rotation had gone thru once they started it again. I lost count of the amount of requests they made. My girl was very sexy. A tiny little spinner with no fat on her and just pretty. I play some pool and chat with her but because it’s early I then head off promising I’ll come back for her later. I go back to the Lancaster and change my clothes. I get directions to a place called Mermaids and it’s just around the corner from the hotel. Now I’ve been to gog gos and bars throughout SE Asia. Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket, Jakarta, Bali, Tokyo, Osaka, Manilla, Angeles City…and this bar had the best looking and sexiest group of ladies I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t beat it for the amount of quality looking girls anywhere. There was also a good atmosphere and when the girls danced they really turned it on and performed. I was quite shocked. By the time I got there the top 3 girls I would’ve barfined had already been taken and although I would’ve fined probably 90% of the girls there…maybe all of them really…..I was starting to feel sick and the constant flow of Koreans into this bar annoyed me and I wanted to go back and get that little cutie from the Viking Bar.

 

I arrived back at Viking and she was happy to see me. I think she was a drink slut only though becuz when I mentioned barfine she asked where I was staying and then she didn’t really seem keen to go. That might have been the Lapu Lapu distance factor. Before I could push the issue I started to feel really sick. Shortly afterwards I filled the sink up with vomit. I took a taxi home and threw up again. This time it was projectile vomiting. I assume, and my new aussie mate suggested, that it was from the water. Ice in the drinks or water on the toothbrush or something that was making me sick. I’ve had food poisoning b4 and this felt different. In short I was bedridden for two days and I changed my airplane ticket and got out of there because I was missing Miss J and Cebu is the most boring slum filled hole on the earth.

 

After two days I felt good again. Other foreign guests related their stories of getting sick and it seems that it’s a regular occurrence in the Phils. I never get sick in Thailand and I feel annoyed that these girls that were so keen to meet me online were flaking on me. However, as soon as I feel better I decide to contact one girl who looked really good online. She quickly agreed to meet me and when she arrived in the taxi I was stunned at how gorgeous she looked. She paid her own way to the hotel and she said it took her an hour. I had told her I would pay but she would have none of it. We sat in the bar and talked and she just drank an OJ. She is 21 and looks divine. I felt nervous like a schoolboy virgin she was so hot. Before meeting her I talk to Ashlog Creek from Pattaya Secrets and he tells me that if a girl comes to your hotel without a chaperone she’s up for it.

 

So after about half an hour or so of talking I decide to make a move and invite her to my room to watch a movie. She agrees and I buy a bottle of wine for her. We go up and my heart is racing. This girl is so sexy. We sit on the couch and we watch some tv and. Initially I don’t touch her and she announces that she has a curfew and she can only stay for another half an hour. I am gobsmacked and try to read between the lines. I know this is my last night in Cebu…and I told her that….so I go for it. I put my arm around her and start kissing her neck and shoulders and she doesn’t resist but acts a little shy. I then go to kiss her on the lips and she attacks my mouth with her lips and tongue. OMG her lips are so soft and there were no signs of this….wtf the phils blows me away. So I try and escalate by undressing her but no deal. There is a line apparently. Ok I know how it works in Thailand…they say no the first one or two times and then they will have sex with you…..it’s a way of looking like a ‘nice girl’. So I try to undress her again but I get a no again. By this time she has to go to and I’m devastated. I try every angle but clearly it’s not going to happen. I walk her to a cab and I give her a few hundred pesos for cab fare. I regret changing my ticket as I’d do anything to sleep with this girl. She’s amazing. And then she’s gone…..another 10+ who walks out of my life way too early. The next day I fly back to BKK and into the arms of Miss J……

 

[Faustian]

Wow! Epic read...must've taken you a long time too.

 

Thanks for all your time and effort. Is there a part 3 or did you spend the remainder of your time with Ms J? And is there a follow up to this as well?

 

 

Cheers!

[doris day]

more to come just exhausted from typing....