What's your game plan with your TG?

[sidsanuk]

I read with great interest the posts and articles from guys who are spending time upcountry in the villages. I have never had the opportunity. Although when I am in LOS I stay with my fiances family in BKK. And I have to say, it has some very village like qualities :-)

 

Anyway, my point. I do not mean to be rude, or pry, but some of the stories puzzle me a bit. Some of you guys have wives and kids etc, have built houses UPC and so on. And yet you live overseas somewhere. i.e. "next trip I'll finish the porch", "next trip we'll buy x" etc

 

How come you don't live with your wife? ie why has she not moved to farangland with you? Or is it the idea that you are going to settle/retire in LOS shortly? Or indeed, excuse my naievity, is it because your LOS 'wife' is your mia noi?

 

Probably a dumb question. But curious.

 

Sid. New age senstive guy........who sometimes loses the plot :-)

[thalenoi]

Firstly I do not want her to experience the place i hate. I vomit western culture since I am a child and that feeling has only gotten worse over the decades. It's cold, it rains, it's miserable here in Farangland. In the rainy season when we have 5 gray days in a row like last month even the Thais get depressed around Chumpon.

It now takes anyone one hour to get anywhere in this country, whilst traffic is an unknown beast in the rural Thailand

 

Then she would starve to death: no decent food here neither.

 

Secondly, I try to reduce time spent in farangland. 5 months in 2002, hope top bring this down to 3.

I spend some time in farangland because of family and money and health issues (check ups) Thailand is not wel-equipped to ensure my health and the local government is paying the bills.

 

Furthermore I don't have the finances to pay for more than 2 trips a year.

 

So, yes the idea is to spent as much time as possible in LOS, and we are having talks on building a house or having a small business, but I am not going to give 1000k baht upfront to the gf to find myself locked-out. We are working on an agreement to build a capital for her, where in I case I would die she would have 1000k baht, that should take care of her future in bad times, whilst staying together will increase her capital.

 

For now we live in a huge rented house 400m from the sea and I am quite satisfied not having to rush to work every day, just living a quite life after having jumped out of the rat race.

My health situation also requires a "slow" lifestyle.

I would like however to have some small income from some activity, we are working on that (a bed and breakfast for a start because of the huge house, we only need a few farangs to visit the beach here...)

[sidsanuk]

I can fully understand and appreciate your situation. But others appear to do it the other way around. ie most of the time in farangland with occassional trips to LOS. Those are the ones I was curious about.

 

Sid

 

[lopburi3]

Probably all the reasons you give and more. But in many, if not most cases the wife also lives outside Thailand and they are building the home for retirement years. Often a part of extended family will be living in the home full time. Thus they are helping family and establishing a home for later on.

 

I do not think it is a minor wife thing for very many. We aren't that rich. ::

 

[thalenoi]

Well, no two identical situations I guess. My original plan was 50% LOS. But if you want a tg relationship, forget it, it can't be done. Thai people are far more in need for social contact than western educated people. I used to have a "monday morning to friday night away" job sleeping and eating alone in strange cities and hotels. My tg can not be left alone for more than one day.

 

Ther is a young man living here with his tg and daughter, he works on a ship somewhere around the asian seas. He works 6 weeks and is home 6 weeks. During his absence the tg younger sister stays with the gf. Not sure about their future though.

 

An other retired man also needs some extra money, so he spends severall months alone in farangland to conduct some business. The gf does not want to accompany him to farangland, but he talks about she should join him.

 

ok, let see what others have to say.

[sidsanuk]

Yes that would seem to make sense. My fiance and I are talking about buying a place in the provinces. Her family has a Mango farm with some spare land somewhere near a nice river, which she has told her Mother to keep for us!

 

Sid

[think_too_mut]

>How come you don't live with your wife? ie why has she not moved to farangland with you? Or is it the idea that you are going to settle/retire in LOS shortly? Or indeed, excuse my naievity, is it because your LOS 'wife' is your mia noi?

 

 

Any plan short of full commitment to her is doomed to fail. I mean, a plan other than sending money.

 

When she sits in every corner of you, intercepts every single thought of yours, then it's time to make feasible plans.

 

You can't squeeze them in the frame you made up and planned beforehand.

 

Certainly, planning ability helps and they like to see it. But their "not enough commitment" detector is very, very sensitive. Someties straight down to plain stupidity.

 

You are the head there. But, she's the neck that swivels the head around. Don't underestimate them.

[Guest]

Thalenoi: just because you cannot leave your TG alone for more than one day doesn't mean that all TG's are like that. I really don't agree with that comment at all, and I actually feel sorry for you if that is the way your situation is. Obviously it is important to spend as much time with your gf as possible, and maybe TG's are in need of that more than a western counterpart, but what you are saying is way over in the extreme, and I have not experienced it in that way at all.

 

Many people on this board make long distance relationships work. Others try and fail. But I think it is dangerous to impose such extreme stereotypes because they are inaccurate. It really depends on the two people involved and their unique situations, in my opinion...

 

[jasmine]

Hi,

 

[color:"red"]Well, no two identical situations I guess. My original plan was 50% LOS. But if you want a tg relationship, forget it, it can't be done. Thai people are far more in need for social contact than western educated people. I used to have a "monday morning to friday night away" job sleeping and eating alone in strange cities and hotels. My tg can not be left alone for more than one day. [/color] ,

 

What it appears to be is your TG needs her own interest. She seems to be the type that was influenced by her parents/family and now it is you who is the most important thing in her life.

 

In my experience, the Thais, especially the ones from up-country, need more family/friends than their Western counterparts but not to be left alone for a single day?

 

For me, I like my space and it is a reprieve at times not to have to worry about my husband's meals and so on.

 

However, to your credits, you know your TG better than anyone else.

 

Cheers!

 

[jasmine]

Hi,

 

[color:"red"] Certainly, planning ability helps and they like to see it. But their "not enough commitment" detector is very, very sensitive. Someties straight down to plain stupidity.

[/color]

 

There are many reasons why that "detector" is very keen. Many of these people had faced many dissapointments in life and knowing that things can change out of a sudden, they are trying to be prepared for the worse.

 

In many ways I think, being prepared is a good quality but "nagging" to have a future confirmed can be a bore.

 

TTM, you do understand how "insecure" feeling can hurt any one, females or males, including people like me.

 

Cheers!