What's your game plan with your TG?

[sanukdee]

I just got married with my TG but I had to return to US to work. We are both counting the days till her visa gets approves so we can be together. And no mia nois for me, one wife is enough.

[Guest]

@Traveller,

 

I tend to agree with thalenoi, however maybe for an other reason.

 

I also would say that Thai Ladies have problems to stay alone when they are in a partnership. Reason is that somewhere deep in their brain they have the idea that no men can be faithful. Reason might be that the men back home are quite unstable fellows, who as soon as they leave from home do have the tendency to look for sanuk or even keep a mia noi.

 

Even after happily been married over ten years now with a Thai, she tells me sometimes, after a business trip ?I dreamt you have another wife?. This disturbed me heavily at the beginning, today I just laugh. Just some days ago we discussed this subject together with the wife of my neighbor who is also a Thai. She said: ?I also dreamt you have another wife?. ?What?? ?Excuse me??. ?No, No, I not mean you I mean xxxx?. Uffffff.

 

Just to prevent from the question if my wife might have the correct sensors. No she has not. If I would feel the urge having sex outside our home I would get divorced beforehand. This might sound puritanical and not typical ?men?s? like, but why should I take a risk for a sausage when I get the filet steak for free

 

 

Cheers

 

[thalenoi]

Traveler_nyc,

 

I am sure you will understand the difference I am trying to make. I know many farang woman and men who live quite happilly without constant "need" to be surrounded. It's my experience after travelling 13 years to LOS and many "loose" type of relationships that the our western view does not fit here.

 

I am in farangland right now, after a death in the family, with no precise date to return to LOS, although the sooner the better for both of us. Some months ago I expected my gf to stay home (with many relatives living within 1 km), but she can't, as many others in similar situations. Therefore I am generalising a bit. She went home for 10 days and will return with a younger sister waiting for my return.

 

At the same time an other girl living here has her husband away for work 6 weeks on a row, and the same situation happens, her sister stays at her place when he is away and my gf often sleeps there when I am away.

 

And I do know of other relationships on this board having a tough time due to separation. I was hoping separation would be like cement gluing us together, but I have the feeling this does not apply here. Therefore a warning to people who believe an agreement of this kind is a guarantee for the future.

 

I for one have not put enough thought in this separation issue thinking it would be a piece of cake. Sure I can leave her alone for more than one day, but over a month is really running into al kinds of problems.

 

I do hope many long distance relationships work out fine, but my experience does not follow that pattern. I used to work for a long distance airline company with many race mixture marriages which went down the drain because of exactly that. Carefull thought should be given how to handle such a situation. I hope this is less stereotyping for now?

[Guest]

Thalenoi: I wasn't trying to bust on you. I understand that everyone's situation is unique in many ways, and there are also a lot of generalizations that apply as well. I certainly agree that a LD relationship is not easy, and going by the odds most will fail. But I think going by the odds most relationships "fail" anyway. It's not like everyone marries the first girlfriend they ever had afterall...

 

And I do agree that because of the tight family structure and social conditions that Thais have greater problems being alone than their western counterparts.

 

However, I still think you are definitely on the extreme side if you have to worry about leaving her alone for more than a day! More than 2 weeks and I would start to agree wholeheartedly with what you say...

 

 

[sidsanuk]

As there seems to be some discussion about TGs ability to cope with loneliness, I'll add my own experience, which I think is fairly typical for working/middle class TGs. Correct me if I'm wrong. This relates to a BG living in farangland.

 

I have visted her family many times, stayed at the family home many times. Seperate rooms of course :-(. We got engaged at the home earlier this year.

 

My fiance comes from a close knit family in BKK

She has lived in the same house for all her 33 years.

She knows all the neighbours, they all know her.

Many cousins, aunts, uncles etc all live in the same Soi.

The house is always full, with family, friends, neighbours etc dropping in.

She has never stayed in the house alone. I mean never. If the family went off somewhere without her, a cousin or friend would come to stay for the night.

When she first came to Oz, she feared sleeping alone. She stayed with a local family. (We could not live together at first)

Much happier when she moved in with me.

When I travel on business, I call her about 3 times a day as she gets very lonely. I try to take her with me when I can.

 

She has made a few Thai 'friends' during her time at college here. But never gets that close to them. The ones she has met tend to be a bit 'back biting' compared to her friends in BKK. Maybe something about Thais overseas :-) Bit like the POMS. You meet all the worst ones when they are overseas on holiday (lager louts) By the way, I am a POM originaly too (British)

 

So..my take on this. Many Thais, particularly from poorer backgrounds, have come from an environment where family and friends are very important. Thais are very social people. ie prefer to eat in groups at work etc. Thais are therefore very rarely without the support of family and friends. Have to say it makes me envious, coming from rather a 'cold' family environment.

 

So......I now drag my TG to a Foreign country, with foreign food and language, no family, no friends, etc etc.

 

Do I blame her when occassionally she gets upset too easily, or she wants to be with me at every opportunity. Of course not. I just remind myself of what she has given up and the enormous changes she has endured, just to be with me.

 

Things will get easier for her. Her English, through study here, is now really good. We'll get her a car in the New Year, so she can have some independance. We'll get her a part time job, so she gets out and mixes with people. (She wants her own money, not mine, to send home to family)

 

But it will take time and a bit of understanding on my part, not easy at times :-) Sometimes, so she does not lose face, I have to take the blame for a misunderstanding that may have caused her to be upset :-) Just gets things back on an even keel a bit quicker. Life's too short.

 

Is our relationship easy? No. But hell it's really worth working at. Something I never felt with my farang ex wife.

 

Sid

[Guest]

 

 

Interesting perspective you have.

 

[jasmine]

Hi,

 

[color:"red"] Things will get easier for her. Her English, through study here, is now really good. We'll get her a car in the New Year, so she can have some independance. We'll get her a part time job, so she gets out and mixes with people. (She wants her own money, not mine, to send home to family)

[/color]

 

For a person who has lived in the USA and Europe for over 32 yrs., I don't find these countries that lonely. I have a very close family in Thailand and admit that the warmth I have in Thailand can be a bit too much.

 

What your TG has to do is make friends with the locals, that means talking to people. I find many people very kind and want to be friends.

 

My experience is with mainly Americans and also, I am quite happy with my career and that does give one confidence and the feeling at home. I have never lived in Australia. However, most Australians I met, I found them very nice.

 

Good luck,

 

Jasmine