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CTO

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  1. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    Globalization INTERNATIONAL THINKING AT ITS BEST! Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question: How come? Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This is s
  2. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother. 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father's business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands. 2. He had wine with His meals. 3. He used olive oil. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a C
  3. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    The Loyal Wife There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.' And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died . . . He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to he
  4. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason. Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'" M
  5. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and
  6. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    from my friend in HH WASHINGTON POST'S MENSA INVITATIONAL .... (Jokes) Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition The winners: Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was y
  7. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the
  8. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS. THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T.STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT. THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT.
  9. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    "There was a young man of Kildare Who was fucking a girl on the stair. The bannister broke, But he doubled his stroke And finished her off in mid-air." "There was a young man of Khartoum Who lured a poor girl to her doom. He not only fucked her, But buggered and sucked her -- And left her to pay for the room." "There was a young woman named Alice, Used a dynamite stick for a phallus. They found her vagina, In North Carolina, And her asshole in Buckingham Palace." "That naughty ol' Bishop of Birmingham Buggered three maids
  10. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to quench his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?' The old man looked up at the gun
  11. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    Two priests were standing at the urinals in the Vatican. One noticed that his friend was wearing a Nicorette patch on his old fella. He felt he needed to comment that he thought they were meant to be on the arm or the shoulder not the dick. The other replied â??Well it sure is working, Iâ??m down to two butts a dayâ?Â.
  12. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    It wasn;t that funny - ahhh - your trying to get 10 posts quickly
  13. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    Some have been posted before - but I still laughed My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?'I answered, "an inch of dust" And thats how the fight started... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'I bought her a bathroom weight scale.And thats how the fight started... ----------------------------------------------------------
  14. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, 'Your barracks door is open.'Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, 'Your fly is open.' He zipped up and finished his shopping. At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was that told him about his 'barracks door.' He was planning to have a little fun with her; so when he reached the counter he said, 'When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a soldier standing
  15. CTO

    LOS themesong?

    SHa La La La song Venga BOys because it was big when I first started being here. Lemon Tree - same era but lyrics a re good/ Yesterday you told me about the blue blue sky and now all I see is a Lemon Tree/
  16. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    Hey I just illustrated USVirgins post with a pic I will if someone post s more jokes
  17. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    This girl has same problem
  18. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    Perils of a Catholic Upbringing As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days. Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them. Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished me to 'care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,' I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person. Wearing what can only be described as rags, c
  19. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    Why thank you - you big sweaty man you!
  20. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    Sincere Apologies To Everyone, Over the past months I have forwarded funny pictures and jokes to friends who I thought shared the same sense of humour. Unfortunately this wasn't the case and I seem to have upset quite a few people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow. If you were one of these people, please accept my humblest apologies. From now on I will only send emails with a cultural or educational content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting structures. Attached, you'll find a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris ..... For those of you
  21. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The father thought for a moment, then answered: 1. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, then, 2. Go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, 3. Go ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and then tell me what you learned. So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The m
  22. CTO

    Any New Jokes

    the above is a joke Munchie
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