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The tits that is I should add. I completely forget what the faces looked like.

When you travelled to Syria and if you went through Damascus airport did you ever pay for the VIP transit through the airport? Basically you arrived and were met by a tasty Syrian lady in business type attire. A black skirt, a white blouse and a black blazer. They took you to a room, made you coffee and then took your passport and did the formalities of the visa stamping. I presume that you got one each attending to you as when I used them that was the deal. It was on my second trip that curiosity got the best of me and I asked would they like to join us at our hotel which was the Four Seasons. Sure enough they turned up and had dinner with us. One of them had massive tits and I can still picture them now.

You sure she isn't Jordanian? Check her passport. In my experience Lebanese are fat, lazy and ugly. Maybe she is, good nookie can blind a man.

The Aussies are fucked. Haddin has slowed down and no longer has that spring which makes him catch the impossible, he also averages around 15 in his last 10 tests. Watson is like a carthorse that you just can't motivate to get a move on to the knackers yard. Johnson just can't work out how to bowl if he isn't on his favourite pitch. Then there's the rest of them. The only player I fear is Starc but he is fucked and with it so is the Aussies chances. They need to cast away their old boys and rebuild but they have left it far too late so will have to die a slow painful death with the likes of Siddle or Cummings coming in. Ha ha.

That's not a girl so it equally shows how people get fooled into diddling ladyboys. Be careful out there.

Love it when you talk dirty honey

You couldn't climb Ben's cock never mind Ben Nevis.

Yeah, hopefully

Are people bored with the EPL already? Some interesting signings at the end. Falcao to United, Welbeck to Arsenal was an interesting one. I think that was desperation by United. Falcao isn't the Falcao they think he is. Why would he be hawked around Europe for the whole transfer window only to be signed needing an extension to the transfer window by United? I'm loving this next phase in United's history. A last gasp attempt to get back into the the top four and resume CL participation. It might push them back years if doesn't pay off. They should have recognised that they had an ageing squad and tried to rebuild with the best young talent around, instead they added to the ageing squad ageing players. A forward line of Rooney aged 28, Falcao aged 28, soon to be 29, RVP 31. Even if they do manage to pull it off they will need to replace them in the next few years just like they needed to replace Evra, Ferdinand and Vidic which they haven't. And Arsenal fans, what do you think of Welbeck for £17m? I saw him for the first time live at Anfield in the FA youth cup semi final about 4 years ago and he was unstoppable played on his own up front. Then I saw him come through and United played him everywhere but his best position. I don't think he is world class but in the right set up and played in the right position I think he could be a good buy. WebRep currentVote noRating noWeight

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Under the Skin is excellent. A very sexy Alien walks around Scotland killing jocks. What's not to like.

That's the second time that Celtic have benefited in Europe with teams fielding ineligible players.

I downloaded it.

Watched Starred Up a few nights ago and still thinking about it. 10/10. Brilliant movie and more so when you look listen to the guy who wrote the screenplay. http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/features/starred-up-how-exprison-therapist-jonathan-asser-turned-his-experiences-in-the-clink-into-stunning-drama-9176741.html

Just watched Starred Up. A british film about a young offender who graduates to grown up jail and meets his dad there. Brilliant.

I liked that film but disliked it also. Brilliant thought provoking film making but there was something annoying about it.

Is that your uncle Kev who collects Marvel comics?

The Dutch goalie must have been full of confidence given that his manager thought he was shit at penalties and would have subbed him if he could. If Van Gaal brings this brilliant man management technique to the toilet we will be in for some interesting times.

You're thinking of Biggus Dickus. Platitudinous Ponderous was a Senator.

Munchie. Forget about that shit and get yourself a pair of SMS Audio headphones. These are mine which are around £350 but they have a full range at all price levels. I didn't pay for mine, I won them when I bought a Macbook Pro in a new shop in Dubai. They had an offer where if you bought a Macbook Pro you could dip your hand in a bucket and pull out a raffle ticket. They were advertising stuff like a free 16gb thumb drive but I got lucky and won the headphones. And that's not me. I don't wear baseball caps. WebRep currentVote noRating noWeight

A man and his wife go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise'. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly, and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. “Good grief, did you see that?†she asks her husband. He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. “Please sir,†says the waiter, “what you order?†The man replies, “Chicken Surpriseâ€. “Ah! So sorryâ€, says the waiter, " I bring you Peeking Duck!"

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