camerashy Posted March 31, 2003 Report Share Posted March 31, 2003 Just got off the phone to my Thai GF at her village in Isaan. She was most upset and desparate for my advise on how she could help a friend of hers from an adjoining town. It seems this girl had a very comfortable farang who was sending her large sums of money on a monthly basis, to the point where she purchased all this expensive electronic equipment, furniture etc and even a car on a pay by the month scheme. All the repayments were being made by this guys monthly contribution. No points for guessing what happened next!!! The contributions suddenly stopped - no calls, no emails, nothing. Now of course all the gear is being repossessed since no payments can be made, and the girl is on the bones of her arse again. She is terribly upset, as apparently the girl was quite fond of this guy and was always talking about the lovely surprise he was going to get when he came over to see her once again, as marriage had been mentioned. It got me thinking, as although my gf has never asked me for money, I still occasionally send her some when I am feeling generous (birthdays, xmas, songkran etc). But really, are we helping these girls by giving them money, or are we really preventing them from learning to rely on their own skills and abilities, and providing a false sence of security? My gf's last comment to me today was "i happy you khio niou. we marries i get big money." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted March 31, 2003 Report Share Posted March 31, 2003 What is your plans for the future with your gf? Is it longterm? What kind of life does she think she will have later? If she sits idle on her backside and imagines thats her future life, its not very constructive. If on the other hand she works or does something to make a future life possible without you, you are not feeding a bad habit. I don't think its wrong to help out at all, if what you are doing is not making her 100% dependable on you. Thai girls often have a false image of life with foreigners, especially those girls from a poor background. I think its vital to correct this if one wants a good longterm relationship. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted March 31, 2003 Report Share Posted March 31, 2003 >But really, are we helping these girls by giving them money, or are we really preventing them from learning to rely on their own skills and abilities, and providing a false sence of security? Sending money just because you can afford it is pretty much like feeding birds. No real gratitude will be shown. If you have plans with your girl, get her to do something in return. Even if it is strictly in her favour, i.e. completing some school or courses. Something that requires a systematic effort, rather than mere attendance. Along the way she would prove or reveal her personal qualities or deficiences. I've seen many girls who would sleep in for a 1pm-3pm class, drop out after 2-3 weeks or even days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted March 31, 2003 Report Share Posted March 31, 2003 Sending small amounts now and then if you can afford it is ok. But this can get out of hand very quickly as they ask for more and more and more. You then are faced with a problem of cutting the funds and los e the girl or go broke or both. Many stories on the board re this subject and can't think of many that have not ended in tears.IMHO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 31, 2003 Report Share Posted March 31, 2003 "My gf's last comment to me today was "i happy you khio niou. we marries i get big money." To me this is a bit of a scary remark. I think there are two classes of girls in the "scene" 1.) those who want the money now (ie., day to day) and 2.) those who gamble that you are jai-dee enough to feel like you will know when the time is right to put up some cash. In the second case a girl can create false expectations for herself and this can be a problem for you if you don't know what she expects. As far as her "friends" money supply being shut off, I think it's funny and serves her right for expecting more then she should. Live within your means(ie., don't go nuts financing lots of stuff especially toys) would be a more responsible approach (IMHO) but that is not the way of the world. IMHO, Thais in general, not just bargirls, are increasingly materialistic in this regard(as reported in the Bkk Post and is my experience over the years) and I think giving them money just so they can buy toys is bad for both them and us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camerashy Posted March 31, 2003 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2003 "I don't think its wrong to help out at all, if what you are doing is not making her 100% dependable on you." This is exactly my point. In this case the girl had become 100% dependable on the guy, and is now left with nothing. I think it is better to say "NO" at most times, even though it can lead to some uncomfortable moments. But at least then they take some responsibility for their own life, and take more pride in their accomplishments. You can sometimes provide the 'icing on the cake" but at least she cooked the cake herself. "What is your plans for the future with your gf? Is it longterm? What kind of life does she think she will have later? If she sits idle on her backside and imagines thats her future life, its not very constructive." My plans are most definately longterm. I have known her for nearly 2 and a half years now, and have spent several months in her company over numerous visits. Sitting idle on her backside is not in her nature, and with me being 'khio niou' she knows she has to contribute, and does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camerashy Posted March 31, 2003 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2003 I take your point about the scary comment, but it was said in jest. Believe me, she is just as khio niou as me, and has amassed a very impressive list of pocessions through her own hard work and diligence. I once tried to talk her into selling a small shop she owns to pay off a rather large debt. No way. Just tighten the belt a bit more and pay it off that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Posted March 31, 2003 Report Share Posted March 31, 2003 The purpose of why money is sent and the character of the person receiving I would think determines if it is helpful or a hindrance. If she is trying to get out of the scene in earnest, wants to get her HS diploma, college degree or learn a trade then I think its helpful. If I were to send money for that purpose, my hope is that she has the ability to become self sufficient, whether I'm there or not. If I'm just replacing her bar income and my motivation is that I don't want anyone else banging her, then I have become 'the bar'. If she is not doing anything constructive its a hindrance. There are some girls who simply don't have the maturity, motivation or whatever to think beyond the next LT money. Who see the accumulation of things as their only goal. They have no future plans other than to marry a falang when they get tired of the bar and even then expect to live on their duff at home. So, IMO giving money can be a help or a hindrance depending on the parties involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 31, 2003 Report Share Posted March 31, 2003 The simple answer is Yes. It can at times be a help, and at times be a hinderance. I have given money to Thai "friends" and there have been times I have refused. For me it is important to know that you can turn someone down, and if that is all they wanted then they will move on. I like to be in control of where the money goes. So I will often buy a particular item or pay a certain bill. I will sometimes give money as a "gift" meaning that it is random, and there will not be anymore following it. The way I see it my money is a tool. It can allow me to build a nice lifestyle. But as with all tools if you don't use precaution, you could easily hurt yourself. And remeber if it fly's, floats, or f*cks, its cheaper to rent than to own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosyourdaddy Posted April 1, 2003 Report Share Posted April 1, 2003 what car company would finance a girl with no income! Seems she took alot for granted thinking the guy would be paying 20,000 B a month for 4 years for the car payments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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