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The Khlong To Nowhere


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The taxi driver was drunk. His whole cab smelled like my breath after a night of Saeng Som, tequila and Romanian Vodka. Of course it didn?t matter that he was drunk because his windscreen was filled with little protective Buddhas that clattered together every time the car lurched to a stop or took a sharp corner. They would protect him from any serious crash. The suspension may have taken a bit of a battering every time he sped over a pothole in the road but he was safe. With all those Buddha?s how could he not be. There are few things more terrifying in this world than the truly faithful.

 

Nam lay curled up across the seat with her head in my lap. She seemed able to ignore all the minor bumps. It was as if these were just a part of the normal rhythm of life. She?d paid the cabbie up front to avoid any little detours to raise that meter price. She?d explained very carefully where she wanted to go. It had taken him a few minutes to get his head round her directions but when she gave him the money it all came together for him. Now she was examining my hands and nails. My nails were too long but she?d take care of this later. She was more interested for the moment in inspecting what mysteries lay hidden in my palm. She pressed on the pads under my fingers on my left palm. Then she stretched my fingers back and looked at the lines tracing this one and that with her forefinger. Then she placed her lips against my hands and kissed it.

 

?See anything ?? I said.

 

?Everything.?

 

?The future ??

 

?Yes.?

 

?Anything I can do anything about ??

 

?Many thing. You have to avoid bad girl. If go with bad girl this kill can kill you.?

 

?I was hoping the drink would kill me.?

 

She went back to tracing the lines with her fingers. ?This one your heart. Same me.?

 

She showed me her palm. Never having studied the ancient art of palmistry I had no idea what she was talking about or what I was supposed to be looking for. She showed me my own palm and hers and most of the lines looked similar. Maybe more similar than most people?s. It was dark. I couldn?t be sure. She placed her palm against mine and gave me a long soulful look just tinged with promise.

 

?You?re going to kill me aren?t you.? I said.

 

?Yes. Of course I am... But not tonight.?

 

She linked her fingers through mine and squeezed my hand. I watched the gentle strobing effect of the passing streetlamps turning her face into something slightly unreal. Something from a dream or the memory of a dream that seemed to be a kind of reality leaking from another life. I couldn?t help feeling I?d known her for longer than I could remember. That I?d known her for lifetimes.

 

She balled up my hand and softly, damply kissed each knuckle, one after another, each touch seemed to leave a trace that lingered on the skin long after. ?You still frai me tilac ??

 

?More than ever.?

 

She smiled deeply and said ?Good.? and kissed my hand once more before closing her eyes as if dreaming dreams of sex that most men couldn?t imagine. Her body stretched out against the seat as if the cab weren?t moving at all and she was stretching out on her bed or sofa at home. She nestled her head into me as if I was the source of some great comfort and I looked away. I thought of her only an hour or so ago with another man. How much had she done with him ? How had she set him on fire with her little kisses and touches ? When she took a man?s dick in her mouth how did she make him feel ? I kept forgetting who she was. I kept forgetting what she did. And I really needed to remember and clean out all the shit and cobwebs from my brain. She was just another bargirl. Just one more in a line. One I hadn?t even slept with. I wanted to make her worth nothing in my mind. I wanted to get rid of this feeling. She could be bought by any man with a thousand baht in his pocket. She may have been the cleverest and most evil hooker in town but that was what she was.

 

But this didn?t feel true. In fact she couldn?t be bought. Not at any price. Men were paying for the privilege of being the one she amused herself with tonight. Men were sending money for the illusion she was there girl. But she was nobody?s girl. She used them, not the reverse. And she change the whole course of their lives on a whim.

 

Her head nestled against me as she held on to my hand like a beloved trophy and I figured it didn?t really matter if someone was the most evil bitch whore from Hell. If you liked someone then that was all that really counted. And I liked her a lot.

 

The strobing slowed off and the distance between each streetlamp grew longer and longer. Looking out the window I no longer had the faintest idea I was. It felt like we must have taken a wrong turn somewhere and were headed to Nowhere. A ramshackle do-it-yourself looking house. Allotments. Wasteland. Then another house. I couldn?t believe we?d got that far from Bangkok already. Maybe we?d been driving faster or for longer than I thought. Black trees towered overhead. Power lines like black graffiti scribbles against a maroon sky. Two dimensional looking cars and frontages caught in the glare of the taxi headlights. And then we seemed to be back in a kind of civilisation. A few more streetlamps. A lot of corrugated iron roofs and TV aerials.

 

The taxi driver said something and Nam sat up and looked around. She gave him some kind of directions that were rattled out too fast for me to follow. The taxi turned off the main road until the smooth asphalt gave way to the sound of gravel and dirt crunching under the weight of the tyres. We seemed to be edging along ground between breeze block houses as if Nam was inventing a brand new road on virgin dirt.

 

?Tung laaw.? She said. ?There already.?

 

I looked out and tried to pick out any signs of something. it wasn?t easy. All I could see were slum houses. Slum houses and a whole shit load of nothing.

 

Nam looked back at me and nodded. I followed her out the cab which, within seconds, was headed back to the main road and Bangkok - the centre of everything pure and holy.

 

?Come.? She said moving like a cat on it?s own turf. Seeing her in blue jeans clambering walking out in this setting it seemed incredible that this was the same woman who earlier in the evening had been sticking beer bottles in her cunt. Every step she took had poise and balance. Even in the darkness she knew where to step and where not to step. I was less certain. In fact a few second behind her I plodded through the darkness and tripped over a small wood pile that clattered. She looked back at me with the expression of a mother whose kid can?t do anything right, came back, took my hand and guided me as you might guide a blind beggar across a busy road. I felt stupid but I couldn?t see a thing at my feet. It was a dark night.

 

A dog started barking. I say barking but it was a kind of barking and growling rolling in together. Other dogs joined in. Nam was oblivious to them. I, on the other hand, felt as though we were surrounded by hostile rabid dogs ready to us apart. I don?t like the dogs of Thailand much at the best of times. And this was not the best of times. I noticed that no-one seemed to be emerging from their shanty homes to yell ?Down Shep? either.

 

Nam led me through a labyrinth between houses. It might have been my imagination but the gaps between the houses seemed to become narrower as we walked.

 

Suddenly the barking stopped. And, in the silence, I could hear the lapping of water against land and the creaking of old wood bending. We were on or near a river or Khlong. Nam motioned me to stop and then started banging her fist against the sheet iron door of one of the breeze block shacks. The resounding echo started the dog barking again.

 

She laughed at this and saw my expression. ?What ??

 

?Nothing.?

 

?If not have someone wake up we have to stay here all night.?

 

?Please. Go ahead. Bang away.?

 

There was a mumbled voice from behind the door.

 

Nam yelled back in Thai that we had some business. There was a very brief pause and then the sound of unbolting and unlocking. Eventually the iron door squeaked open and a man in a vest and plaid shorts with a face like a church jumble sale was looking at me and Nam. He seemed to know Nam and smiled a worrying smile.

 

Nam handed him a five hundred baht bill and rattled off some information that I didn?t understand. He nodded and nodded like a servant or a waiter taking orders from a fussy customer. He stepped back into his room and pulled on his trousers as his wife and kids watched unemotionally from their sleeping mat in the middle of the floor.

 

Once dressed he led us both along a narrow plank to a wider gangway that creaked like it was about to give way. This led to a small jetty that seemed just as unsteady. Choppy khlong tide water washed against the ramparts and it felt as if we were already at sea. The man pointed directed my attention to the tiny sliver of the moon left in the sky as if this explained something or other.

 

I was trying to warm my eyes up to the darkness and peer through the grain but I guess I needed to eat more carrots because I still couldn?t see much. I could just about see the white painted boat lying in the water that was about two foot lower than the jetty. It was one of those lightweight longtailed boats that you can often see tourists looking smug in the back of on Chao Phraya. Nam said something about getting down to the boat. He rattled something in Lao back to her.

 

?We going on a boat trip ??

 

?Yes.?

 

?In the middle of the night.?

 

?Yes.?

 

?Can?t we walk ??

 

?Is not far.?

 

The man jumped down into the boat with that complete confidence of someone who makes his living on the water and started undoing the rope which tied it to the jetty. Nam nodded at me and I jumped down too. As it didn?t capsize plunging me into inky black waters where the ghosts of the drowned dead would drag me down to share their doom for all eternity I felt quite pleased with myself. I held my hands out to Nam and lifted her down. She embraced me as if she just couldn?t help leaning into me.

 

It took a few tugs but the man got his motor running and dipped the long propeller into the water. Soon we were speeding through the khlong water sending waves of black water splashing against the black shore as we went. Nam pulled herself close to me leaning into me so her head was resting against my shoulder. The sweet scent of her cut through any smell of stagnant water and I held her close as if she was mine and watched the maroon city sky grow darker as if we were moving away from it?s protective pollution cloud. Then it looked, as if by magic, that the entire sky was shining with a million stars.

 

The khlong wound through flatlands that lay like black on black landscapes with only a few shapes standing out. It wasn?t that it was completely impossible to see. In moments it felt like everything was visible as if caught in a flash. But at other moments it was as if we were floating through space with only the constant hacksaw buzz of the motor and the spray of invisible water betraying the textures of reality. Nam?s body against mine reminding me that a man will go anywhere with a woman.

 

The shapes of trees overhanging and dipping into the water moved beside us. It looked as if we were still in the water and these shapes were being shunted along by a thousand invisible stage hands. Soon we were surrounded by trees and the boatman too it slower. Maybe he didn?t want to attract the attention of crocodiles. After a few hundred yards we were back in a clear area again. I peered into the blackness and thought I could see something that looked like jewels. Multicoloured lights sparkling through the darkness. Nam squeezed my hand. As we pulled closer and closer it was easy to see that this was a string of rainbow light-bulbs tied around another jetty and lighting a path all the way down to a large house which had a fluorescent sign in Thai.

 

The engine fizzled as the Boatman threw clambered on to the jetty with a rope. Nam turned to face me and said ?You okay tilac ??

 

I nodded.

 

?We go.?

 

I nodded.

 

I helped her climb on to the jetty and pulled myself up feeling a total dick. At least it was possible to see. he we were on a Christmas tree decoration in the middle of nowhere. Nam took my hand and we walked down the gangplank on to a thick gravel pathway and on toward the house.

 

The house didn?t have what I would call the classic Thai look. It looked more like some dilapidated colonial mansion all peeling paintwork and broken shutters. It was a large place and you could imagine that at some point, when the weather and time hadn?t got to it, it might have looked majestic. Some might think it still did look majestic but you couldn?t get away from the sense that the appearance of the place wasn?t a big factor to the owner.

 

The boatman knocked on the door. Nam just pushed it open. It seemed that she knew the place well. Inside was a small foyer area. In fact, short of a popcorn machine and someone selling tickets it looked a lot like the foyer to an old cinema I?d known as a kid. Red patterned carpets. The remains of old art nouveau style furnishings. A coke machine. A stand-up glass doored fridge full of beers. Next to it a large grandfather clock on the wall with a swinging pendulum. And next to that couple of ratty armchairs pulled together to make a bed for a young Thai man now sleeping with a lurid crime magazine opened across his face. Nam walked straight up to him and kicked him awake. He stumbled awake as if this happened to him every day. She barked a few words at him and he nodded in a sullen kind of way before running slumping off in flip flops through a mahogany double door. She gave me a look as if to apologise for the shocking service.

 

Little more than a few seconds later a fat Thai man in a white linen suit that had seen better days came through the doors. With his thick lips decorated with a thin moustache and a smile that never touched his narrow eyes he looked every bit a character from a movie. The man who would sell you counterfeit passports while selling your mother to the white slave trade.

 

Before I had a chance to offer a wai he sprung towards me and shook my hand. ?Ah. You faen Nam.? He said. ?Faen Nam is same my good friend. Same family. Please. You want something to drink. Come long way. I give you some drink.?

 

?That?s very kind...?

 

?Mark. Everybody call me Mark. If you need anything here. Anything at all. You ask for Mark.?

 

?Thanks.?

 

He laughed and his laugh sounded good natured enough. It was just disconcerting to hear that laugh and look in his eyes.

 

Nam rattled off some information to Mark. Mark nodded and said ?Khrap. Khrap. Khrap.? Every sentence Nam offered would be answered with a khrap. At the end of this rattling off of information she handed Mark a one thousand baht note. A down payment or a gratuity. It was hard to tell which. Mark nodded an understanding. I wasn?t sure that it was a particularly happy understanding but with that fixed smile and deadpan eyes who could tell ?

 

Mark held open the door he had just come through and held his arms wide open to beckon us through. The boat man was not included but he helped himself to a beer from the fridge.

 

I followed Nam up a flight of narrow wooden stairs. I found myself unable to take my eyes off the swing of her hips and I knew she knew it. But then she knew I knew she knew it too. Once she?d got to the top landing she turned around and gave me this burning erotic gaze... ?Anything you want. Anything.? It said.

 

At the top of the stairs was a corridor as in a slightly run down hotel room. A line of doors. Every one numbered from 11 to 19. Nam offered me her hand again and I took it like her boyfriend might if he we were both eight. But then I felt about eight in this world. There was something sinister here. A slight smell of damp. The antique style of everything. I?d have been happy if she?d told me that we were just going to go and sleep now in one of those rooms and that was it. By this time I just wanted to hold her. I didn?t care what she?d done. She was my girlfriend. But I knew she had something else in mind for me.

 

At the end of the corridor we turned left and went down two or three stairs into a room that looked like some grand ball room. The floor was all cracked tiles and there were the remnants of a dusty chandelier hanging from the centre of the ceiling. The true light source came from a number of flat fluorescent wall fittings. At the end closest to us as we entered was a bar with the shutters pulled down. At the far end was a quarter circle of five tiered padded benches. Three girls dressed in what looked like sexy maid outfits were sitting on the benches now playing cards. I couldn?t get any gauge of whether they were pretty or ugly or young or old. They seemed oblivious to our presence. During theearly evening I imagined each bench would have been lined with a mixed bag of women all trying to entice a guided client like the girls in any massage parlour.

 

?This time very late.? Said Mark as though I might be getting a poor impression of this brothel. ?Is quiet now.?

 

I nodded as if I?d bear that in mind when making my entry in ?The Good Brothel Guide.?

 

We headed straight through this ballroom and through another door into a shorter carpeted corridor. Here we could hear the sound of slow jazz music. It wasn?t particularly good jazz. It sounded like jazz as played from sheet music.

 

?Here the bar.? Said Mark and opened the door for us.

 

Inside it was dark. Dark like an upstairs bar in Patpong where poor lighting might be used to cover up a certain seediness or blemishes on the girls. There was a centre stage where a very fleshy looking woman was writhing her snatch in the face of a few customers sitting in front of her. Each of the customers had one or two naked girls with him. One seemed to be getting a slow blow job as he watched the dancer.

 

But this was the least of it. In the darker corners of the room there were women tied up. Tied by the hands and by the feet. There faces seemed to be in darkness but their bare flesh caught some of the light. I saw one women. Her head lolling about from side to side as she shifted the weight from one foot to the other. There was another woman tied up like this by the bar. The woman serving behind the bar was naked.

 

Nam, seeming to read my mind, said ?You want drink ??

 

I nodded ?Please.?

 

She laughed and said something in fast Thai to Mark who also laughed. Nam led me to a booth close to the stage. She waved a ?Hello? to the girl who was dancing naked. The girl smiled back as if happy to see an old friend.

 

She led me to sit down at one of the booths quite far from the stage but quite near to one of the tied up women. Mark brought us glasses and a bottle of Chivas Regal. Then he disappeared to service another customer.

 

Nam held me, looked up at me and said ?You like ??

 

?I don?t know. What goes on here ??

 

?Not some matter. You come here with me tilac. You have to like.?

 

?Okay. I like being here with you. But I like being with you.?

 

? Sure ??

 

?Sure.?

 

?Cing cing ??

 

?Yeah. Cing cing.?

 

?You trust me ??

 

?No. I don?t trust you. But...?

 

?You care me ??

 

I nodded.

 

She thought this was funny. Then she put her finger to her lips.

 

?If you care me I can hurt you very deep.?

 

?I know.?

 

She held on to me and she flowed through me as we sat there. I wanted so much not to want her. And yet my will was like dropping a feather in front of a speeding locomotive.

 

?I look your face in the bar so many time. I look your face and I know you weak and drunk and stupid.?

 

?Thanks.?

 

?Tonight I look you same you hurt so bad. Stupid if can look at bargirl like you jealous. Jealous but too weak to make problem.?

 

?You do what you do.?

 

?Yes. This why you can love me but not some other girl. I not same stupid girl. Bad but not stupid.?

 

?You see her ??

 

She looked up at the woman tied up a few feet away from us. The girl had bruising on her shins. She looked beaten. I got the feeling that this was a million miles from some S&M act.

 

?What about her.? I said.

 

?You can do anything to her. Anything. We can take her now. Take her to some you. You can fuck her. Fuck her any way you want. You can hurt her. You can imagine she same me tonight. Same tonight when you see me with another man. Same I look you same you jealous. I know in your heart you want hurting me. I know you want hit me. Maybe you can kill me because I hurt you. We can take her to room and you can do. You want to kill her you can kill her. Think same she like me. Same she galee same me. You can beat her. Kick her. Anything. If you beat her and kill her Mark can take care. No problem. I buy for you. Nobody know. She just disappear. Or if not like her have other woman same. Maybe look nice more. Maybe young.?

 

?Why ??

 

She seemed to catch herself. She held her drink to mine. ?Cheers.?

 

?It?s true.? I said as quietly as possible. ?I?m very stupid. I?m very weak. I drink. I?m not a good man. I don?t know why you bring me here. I don?t know what your connection with this place is. You want me to speak true ??

 

She nodded.

 

I continued. ?Everything you say is right. Everything from the day you walked into MacDonalds and started eating my chips. But now. Here. I understand nothing. I don?t know if this is real or a game. I don?t know this place.?

 

?What you think ? I not make some game. You want to kill her I buy for you. Same she dead already. If not you then someone else. Nobody take her got live same farang.?

 

My head was spinning. The tied up woman looked down at me and I felt her eyes boring into me.

 

?I want show you something.? She stood up and took my hand. Left the drinks behind. ?Come.?

 

She walked me up to the bar and the naked barmaid handed her a key and smiled a tired smile.

 

Things seemed blurry but Nam led me again. Nam led me like Virgil leading Dante through the circles of Hell. We climbed a short flight of stairs. Soon we were in another corridor. A corridor almost identical to the one we had passed through earlier except here the numbers were 21 - 29. There was a screaming. If I?d been in a normal short time hotel I would have felt certain that this screaming was some faking orgasm. Here it sent a shiver straight through me.

 

Nam walked us to room 27. She turned the key in the lock and shook the door open knowing ahead of time that it wouldn?t just open with a push.

 

Room 27 was nothing special. I?d been in a thousand rooms just like it. A bed with rough looking blankets and clean over starched sheets. Towels and miniature soaps at the foot of the bed. A pair of ornate decorated mirrors on a pine chest of drawers which someone had decided to furnish with a Formica top. Then in the corner two television sets. Both attached to the wall by wires rather than having any sockets and plugs.

 

Nam sat on the bed and tapped the space by her side for me to sit right by her.

 

?You want know why I bring you here ??

 

I sat by her and she kissed my neck pulled back and smiled. ?Nam born here... In this room... Right here. Not same bed. But bed look same this one.?

 

She smiled again and kissed me again then laughed.

 

?Mae. My mum. She not important too. No have someone help her. No have go hospital or have nurse. She just galee. Prostitute. No have doctor know. Nobody know I born. Nobody care I born or not born. Boss here. You not meet him. Same him Chinese man. He take a lot of women here. Women Kamphucha. Some Lao. Not many Thai. My mum Kampuchaa. No somebody know she stay Thailand. If somebody know she have to go back. So nobody say. I can work because I pay man to make bat prachaachon. But cing cing. I not here. Same ghost. You can still like me if I ghost tilac ??

 

She got up and walked over to the mirror looking at her eyes as if checking for blood.

 

?Nam sell pussy here same my mum but have many rich man. Many rich man want fucking me. Even when I still young girl. Rich man can make anything. One day my mum go away. Leave me here. I think first time she find rich man take her go away. After I can go live same rich kid. Same kid on the TV. But is not true. She still here. Still here. Same rich man can kill my mum. Same we can kill girl today if can pay can kill. Mark can fix everything. If some girl never born or never live Thailand is not same murder. Same if you want to kill me. If you pay Mark who can take you go monkey house. I never born. So cannot die.?

 

She came back and lay her head in my lap.

 

?You know many girl. Many many girl she believe in Buddha. You know many many girl. She talk about good and bad same she good girl. She try to make deal with Buddha. If she make like good girl. If she feed the ghost and go wat then someone give her money take good care her. If not maybe she want the money. Some girl she kin yaa. Some girl she kill herself. Or make AIDS. Nam not like this girl. I know is bullshit. I know what is true and what is not true. I know I can make good money but I like to make. I like to fuck around. I like to smoke man. I like him buy everything for me and then I cut him. Is bad ? Tell me tilac. Tell me I bad girl. Tell me how you not trust me. How you frai me.?

 

?You?re a bad girl. I don?t trust you. I?m afraid of you.?

 

She laughed. Then she held my head and pulled me down to kiss her on the lips. I kissed her and, though it shames me to admit it, I was completely lost. I loved her and I didn?t care what she was going to do. Her tongue brushed softly against my lips and she pulled back.

 

?Now.? She said. ?Now I show you something else.?

 

 

 

TBC

 

 

 

 

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Says sayjann:

i must admit i found much of it very disturbing and i was worried about where it was all going,but i had to read and read.

the journey to the house sounded really spooky.

 

but what was harrowing was the description of the house itself and what on inside......
:down:

 

Methinks perhaps Turk is headed to an All Hallowed Eve Climax :rolleyes: Think he ever bed this whore ? :dunno:

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