soongmak Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 This subject is specifically meant to discuss sinsod in a broader scope. I don't want any replies indicating that paying a sinsod is a backward tradition, but rather discuss it as part of financial security for your future wife. Originally, I always thought that sinsot is a backward tradition and I thought I would never pay one, because it would make me feel like I was buying a wife. A couple of years later, I have changed my mind on the subject and rather radically. Now I think of a sinsot as a valid part of the marriage tradition in Thailand, because if the marriage goes wrong, there is no alimony tradition in Thailand. If you had chosen a farang wife, you would have to pay the shirt of your back for the alimony. None of that shit happens when you are married in Thailand. You just pay the sinsot and half of your communal property (if there is any) and that's it. You're free to go. Sounds like a man's dream to me. Even if you married your girl back home, it is easy to dump her on the shores in thailand and go back home, the only loss on your part the price for the ticket to get her back to Thailand. I have seen a couple of cases where girls got married, went on holiday in Thailand, hubbie burns her passport and visa and is off to farangland as a free man. Believe it or not, but things like that happen and the girls know it. Seen in this light, the only method of recourse for a TG to gain at least some financial security is getting that sinsot beforehand. Otherwise she risks just to be used by her future husband who can ditch her once he has enough of her. I am seeking responses from all those nay sayers who refuse to pay a sinsot. I want to know what they are willing to do for their future wifes when the marriage goes sour. And more importantly, are they willing to put their money where their mouth is. We all know that talk is cheap. Come on fellas, 'fess up: Do you genuinely care about your girl, and are you willing to take care of her like you would in the west, or is she just a cheap trophy that you can ditch at will? Discuss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosyourdaddy Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 I think if you enter a marriage wondering what will happen when/if the marriage ends, the marriage will end. I used to work with a missionary couple. One bit of advice they gave me before I got married is never ever mention the word divorce. Once you go down that path the marriage is ruined. No matter how mad you are, no matter what the person has done, you can work it out. I have really taken this advice to heart. I think THAT idea about a sinsod is part of the problem, not a solution!!!!! Why get married if you dont really want to for the rest of your life. It is culturally acceptable in many cultures to live together without getting married, so you dont need to if you dont want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted December 23, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 I think if you enter a marriage wondering what will happen when/if the marriage ends, the marriage will end WYD, that's simply not true. Many people protect their assets with a prenuptial agreement. They are made up with the worst-case scenario in mind, that a marriage might fail. You are not telling me that every marriage with a prenup ends in divorce, do you? I think THAT idea about a sinsod is part of the problem, not a solution!!!!! Why get married if you dont really want to for the rest of your life. I think most people want the marriage to last forever. Common sense however dictates that a lot of marriages fail. People with money want to protect their assets, hence the prenup, those without want to make sure that if things end up wrong, they won't get tossed away with the garbage. It all makes perfect sense to me. Now back to the original question, please. Cheers, soongmak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted December 23, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 WYD, One more thought: For your wife there's no serious problem in case of a divorce. She is an educated woman who can take care of herself. No need to take further measures, IMO. But for those who get married to BG's (I am one of them), do you really want them to go back to dancing in a gogo again if the marriage fails? That sounds incredibly selfish and harsh to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thalenoi Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 I for one don't intend to marry a second time, once was stupid enough. But, my gf is also an ex-bg and where we live there is no work nor business to run. I do ow her some security for in case. Last year I bought a plot of land in her home village and I put 100k/year in her bank account. She should be smart enough to use the money at good purpose. I am not rich in any way, but she is giving me the best years of her live, I must take care for the time I won't be around any more. I do dislike the sin sot concept, too much abuse and greed. We attended her sisters marriage last year in her village, rice farmer daughter, she was 36, time to get married.... sin sot paid was 30k, maybe just enough to pay for the wedding festivities (food and drinks from 7 am to noon) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted December 24, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Hi Thalenoi, Thanks for your reply. I disliked the concept of sinsod just as you, but too many times I've read on this board that it is blind greed on the part of the girl or her family. The way I understand it, the sinsod is not meant for greedy parents, but basically to take care of the wife if the marriage fails. I think just putting money in her bankaccount is a fine alternative. I have done the same. She knows at least that she is not entirely dependent on my goodwill if our relationship fails. IMO that helps to make the RT more balanced. Cheers, soongmak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 "no alimony tradition in Thailand." Gosh, it almost sounds like you are saying that us guys should get reamed for $$$$$ either at the front door or the back door. Well, I guess if you marry a woman with no education or skills and you are the provider, that is the way things work. Of course the National Organization of Woman (NOW) would love to know that there are guys out there that believe that us guys should pay up at some point. :grinyes: Rug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loner w/a boner Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Personally, I have no problem with sinsot, as long as it either goes to pay for the wedding expenses, or goes for the wife's future security. As a responsible husband, that's just one little aspect of providing financially for a wife. Also, buying property, for example. It can't be in my name, but may be of great benefit to my future widow. I can protect myself financially in other ways--all part of a sound financial plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 [color:"red"] Thanks for your reply. I disliked the concept of sinsod just as you, but too many times I've read on this board that it is blind greed on the part of the girl or her family. The way I understand it, the sinsod is not meant for greedy parents, but basically to take care of the wife if the marriage fails. [/color] I have posted a couple times that I did not have the "Sin sod" and it was not becuase I am educated, it is just that I and my mother did not find it necessary. However, the way you understood about "sin sod" is as close to be correct as much as I have read on this board. That is, it was meant for the wife, but not exactly for if the marriage fails. My mother explained that a woman should have some "capital" when she gets married, not entering a marriage without some assets. Very similar to "hope chest" in some parts of the West. My family and many of my friends' families gave their daughters some valuables at the time of marriage so "You are not without some needed assets". My mother also told me that in many families, if the brides are considered "poor", many in-laws do not give them respect. I think it is just like some families in the States when girls date, if their Dads are respectable, they may be treated better (not all cases of course). By the way, want to let you know that alimony and child support exist in Thailand and there are a few men (mostly the ones who work as civil servants) are being punished for not paying the alimony and child support. However, if the men are not working in a profession where the income can be documented, it is a lost case. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickman Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 100% spot on! If you even think there is a chance that the marriage will go bad, then you are in the wrong frame of mind to marry, in my opinion. Both parties have to be totally committed to battle whatever may occur and to make it work. I read somewhere (perhaps on here, not sure) that the most impotant thing in a marriage is not having things in common, or deep love for each or anything like that, but the commitment to make it work and to stick by your partner, no matter what. I agree totally. Stick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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