MaiLuk Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Stick: The statement you made intrigued me enough to start a thread on it, hope you don't mind me quoting you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Your post assumes that the sinsod is paid for the future of the bride, not given to the parents, which is where the tradition comes from (money to replace the loss of 2 working hands). My feeling is that a divorced woman coming back to the family is not owed the sinsod. Often she is or in the past, was being shamed for the divorce, hence another reason for leaving the village altogether and try the big city, or its brothels. Another thing is that the sinsod would have to be substantial to be worthy a viable alimony, but i hear from guys here that 30 000b is considered plenty, and again, i doubt this money is put in the bank in case of possible disunion in the couple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickman Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Perhaps it would be better if you had said, ?another poster who clearly quoted what some else had said that...?. Stick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted December 24, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Your post assumes that the sinsod is paid for the future of the bride, not given to the parents, which is where the tradition comes from (money to replace the loss of 2 working hands). Sorry, But I think that parents retaining the sinsod is a bastardization (is that actually a word? If not, it should be : of the original tradition, invented by greedy folks. See also Jasmine's post in this thread. Note however that I do not say that this does not often happen. If it does, I would advise to keep the sinsod at a bare minimum, or make sure that paying the sinsod is the last time the family can hit you up for money. The essence of my message is that there IS another side to the sinsod story and that most thai women are pretty defenseless if they get dumped by their farang husbands/friend. I have seen it happen a couple of times and it can be pretty hard on them. Cheers, soongmak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted December 24, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 100% spot on! If you even think there is a chance that the marriage will go bad, then you are in the wrong frame of mind to marry, in my opinion. Easy for you to say! How would you feel about that when you weren't married in Thailand where assets gained before the marriage conveniently stay with you after the divorce. If this weren't the case, and all your and her property were to be split 50-50 and you would be eligible to pay alimony for the next 12 years, wouldn't you have considered a prenup? Same goes for WYD! After all, I remember you said once that you would not marry into a family who needed your financial support, so there is a practical side to you as well. I read somewhere (perhaps on here, not sure) that the most impotant thing in a marriage is not having things in common, or deep love for each or anything like that, but the commitment to make it work and to stick by your partner, no matter what. I agree totally. Agree here. For me, having a good RT means that both partners are willing to put up with a lot of shit from the other. Anything else is just secondary. Cheers, soongmak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted December 24, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Another thing is that the sinsod would have to be substantial to be worthy a viable alimony, but i hear from guys here that 30 000b is considered plenty I think 30,000 baht is an absolutely laughable amount of money. Some people may stretch it to live on it for six months, but surely no more. It is clear that in such cases, the responsibility of the guy does not end with paying the sinsod. Like I said, there's nothing easier than dropping the girl back in thailand and not pay a single penny afterwards. Seems hardly fair to the girl. That's why I have volunteered (she didn't ask for it) to put 250,000 baht in my gf's bankaccount just to make sure that she has some money to get her back on her feet if our RT fails. According to thai customs, I am crazy to do so. After all, she's a 30 year old divorced ex- BG. For me, that's irrelevant, I just want to make sure that she will be OK even when I am not around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cardinalblue Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 soongmak, I don't have a problem with the original concept if it stays on course meaning the money is only for the wife's future. But enter a break from this custom or others' greed or certain family members having big eyes, now the money doesn't go for its intended purpose. It then becomes re-directed due to somebody's elses self-interest. On average the amount is small compared to cost of western marriages or other gifts bought for the wife llke a car, jewelry or furnishings. But the choice rests with the husband to give as he chooses. It is not determined by tradition, other past practices or someone else saying how much is enough. As to separtion (girlfriend) or divorce (wife), that should rest with the couple or how the guy feels about the situation in the absence of a legal battle. It is an indiviual choice to give or not to give and how much..... Personally. I will give my curent gf some monies (probably a year's worth of her allowance) if the decision to split is caused by me. But the key to this is this is my decision and not dictated by some custom or other motivated reason from a third party. The bottom line is i see my gf as a whole entity or as a separate individual and not a part of a greater whole like the family as how the thai family would probably see it. Quite a difference I guess.......... Cardinalblue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted December 24, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 As to separtion (girlfriend) or divorce (wife), that should rest with the couple or how the guy feels about the situation in the absence of a legal battle. It is an indiviual choice to give or not to give and how much..... Personally. I will give my curent gf some monies (probably a year's worth of her allowance) if the decision to split is caused by me. CB, Of course I don't know how dependant your GF is on you. It could be that she can easily provide her own income. In that case, I hope you disregard my next statement. However, if that's not the case, it sounds to me that she's unhealthily dependant on you. To me, it sounds like you're saying to your gf that as long as she does good to you, she's taken care of, provided you don't find anyone better. If she's the deal-breaker, you'd kick her on the curb without anything to show for. If you would turn the situation around and place yourself in your gf's shoes , would you be able to live with such a deal? I know I couldn't. Cheers, soongmak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickman Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Very good point. If the split is because you just found out she'd been dropping her knickers for half the neighbourhood, then you may be less inclined to look after her than if you had simply become bored of her yourself... Stick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted December 24, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Very good point. If the split is because you just found out she'd been dropping her knickers for half the neighbourhood, then you may be less inclined to look after her than if you had simply become bored of her yourself... Very convenient as well. You control the money, so she has to do it your way, or else she can go the highway. Sorry but that is hardly treating your partner as an equal... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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