Have min

[MrX]

?I come 9 o?clock, Ok?? I said

 

? I have customer tonight, I don?t know? she sounded unsure as my heart started to jangle, mouth a little dry. The signal was threatening to break up.

 

?He pay bar already?? I asked, tempering rising anxiety with contempt for the thrall she held me in.

 

? Mai chai.? Forcefully, then: ?I don?t know he come or not? What time he come??

 

?You want go with him or you want go with me?? I went straight to fallback position. Putting things on the line to cut through misunderstanding. If only I could see her face, I thought miserably.

Silence, or some half sound beside language told me I had asked the unaskable. Then

 

? I want go with you?.what time you come?? she spoke dully and irrelevantly, the life gone from her voice

 

?About 9 o?clock, I tell you already Ok??

 

?I have min? Flatly with no clues.

 

?Its ok? I said ?I come anyway? punning.

 

?Ok? she said and the line went dead. Fuck I thought, and only a moment before I had felt so happy.

 

 

 

The conversation meant I had to go early to catch her before my rival. I entered the bar just before eight and was immediately jolted hard by the total nudity. For months now a state crackdown, or a failure negotiate tea-money or whatever has kept the dancers at least thong -clad and often even more chaste especially at the start of the evenings. Tonight it was not so. I sat down stage-side deliberately not opposite a pole, ordered a beer and waited for the Isaan Princess. After a moment she came up from behind, as usual, and settled beside me, a little too distant.

 

?How are you.? It was spoken quickly, without looking at me. Not really a question.

 

?OK?How are you?? I asked

 

?I?m Ok?...? slightly drawn out and challenging. like the question was somehow inadmissible.

 

?I come early because I think you have problem with customer?

 

?I no have problem?. I no have customer tonight, I tell you already? she said almost irritably

 

I bought her a drink and then she went off to dance. Six songs worth, in a whirl of naked undulating beauty. It had been so long since I had seen her like this.

 

?You want me pay bar? I asked after she came back.

 

?Up to you? .I knew she didn?t mean it: risked impaling herself on her pride.

 

?Ok I pay bar? I said gently laying the lance aside and giving her 500 baht

 

 

 

She was gone to the cash desk and came back and gone again to change clothes. Meanwhile I offered Tik a drink and asked if she had seen her regular customer, Christian recently.

 

?Last night ? she said

 

?Everything Ok?" I asked "last time I saw you together"?..I didn?t finish.

 

?Everything very Ok? she said ?I no drunk, he no drunk, everything really Ok? she said laughing.

 

IP had come back and I was sure she looked stony. We sat together, a little awkward and I broke first.

?You want go somewhere?? I said and she immediately got up to go.

 

 

 

On the street it was Saturday night. The Angels? bikes were parked untidily outside the bar and we negotiated them leaving. Clumps of ?hello girls? stood like traffic signs as we passed, heading for the short time hotel. There, curled up foetully and complaining of her head and womb there was nothing to be done except tenderness. She explained that she had sent me away that other night because she wanted to know how I really felt about her going with other customers and I told her again, I forgave her. I said I knew how hard it was for a woman ?dancing? without being sure I really did. The room itself was crepuscular; a ?Bad moon rising? from the band playing in the bar next door. We couldn?t stay long because it was Saturday night and so many others needed loving.

 

 

Back at the bar she matter-of factly pointed out last night?s customer who I presumed had been my rival for tonight. When she went over to say hello I was careful not to look at them and she came back almost immediately. Then we were hungry and ordered a Suki to eat upstairs, where the girls go to rest and chill out. She went up first to manage the arrival of the hot charcoal stove and I stayed downstairs, ogling the thronged Bacchanalian scene. A few minute late Si (Suadum's friend) came down and said everything was ready and I joined them. Several girls were crowded round the pot but there was a place for me. IP put seafood in my bowl and I ate half-heartedly. She was talking with her friends quite animatedly, marginally ignoring me I thought, but it was a fine call. They were saying, among other things, there had been some trouble at the bar earlier. I couldn?t tell if it had been a brawl or an affair of the heart. I felt out of my depth so I made an excuse and went downstairs, watching again but no longer into it. How long will IP continue eating? I thought?. perhaps if she really loves me she will come very soon. Absurd.

 

 

It was too long though. Abruptly, perhaps not fully in control of myself, I decided to go home. I ran upstairs, 2 steps at time to say goodbye to IP and give her a tip and was surprised to see nobody was there. Only the cooling charcoal stove and some half-empty bowls. I turned, going back toward the stairwell quickly, slightly panicked for no good reason, and bumped into IP coming up carrying some watermelon. She looked quizzically into my face

?I go home? I said without explanation. ?Ok? she said, gently not asking, and putting down the fruit, followed me down. Outside as we walked towards the waiting taxis, without a sound, her head was cast down.

 

 

Later, speeding through the impossible Sukumvit night as I replayed our telephone conversation of that afternoon over and over it slowly and finally dawned........

 

And an anguish of regret and the pathos of misunderstanding flooded my mind.

[..]

"few minute late Si (Suadum's friend) came down"

 

I was told I missed you by minutes last night by her and the usual waitress! Maybe next time.

 

Cheers,

SD

[MrX]

do we have parrallel lives... I wonder?....There is a Nabakov story built round 2 characters who never meet I seem to remember...