Torneyboy Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 Thanks JJ good points. We plan to send him to a soccer camp next school holidays....they sleep over and learn about and play the game . Would need to get his English up so he can speak and understand what he is being tought...rules positions etc. We have some time to get ready..if he responds that is...otherwise not much point in going . Not easy all this i have to say...hard work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 Hi We were angry..so left and spoke about it outside and decided to go and leave him behind. Re dinner...there are thais (students) living with us three of them. Food starts to appaear from 5pm till 11pm...no set times...my wife and i eat about 7pm our son has eaten several meals by then :: I go over home work 5-6pm and later if not correct..then i get him to read aloud for half an hour. Zaad. To hit the boy would do more harm than good ...the mind game may be the way to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zaad Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 "Zaad. To hit the boy would do more harm than good ...the mind game may be the way to go. " He's too old now to get physical punishment, I agree, and it's very hard to teach the discipline he lacked AND NEEDED in his youth. TB, I'm not blaming the way your wife's family raised him, it's just that Thais do not regularly use violence to teach kids, just my observation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limbo Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 Hi Zaad, Violence is something that should be used only in extremely limited cases and should ready be nothing more IMO than just a tic on the hand or the like. It's true that Thais are very lenient it seems, with their children, and almost seem to accept about everything they pull. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 "Violence is something that should be used only in extremely limited cases and should ready be nothing more IMO than just a tic on the hand or the like. It's true that Thais are very lenient it seems, with their children, and almost seem to accept about everything they pull." Its not my experience with Thais. Ex spanked youngest step son really hard once, I was cringing and hated it... She used that weapon seldom though. Both my step sons remember the few occasions today. Maybe she was right. She was too lenient when the youngest one was about 14-15-16 though, and we had fights about it. I think a more strict regime at that time would have benefitted him today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiphon Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 I think the most important thing is how HE perceives your concerns and interest. I am sure he will be able to sense a distinction between a concern for his future and well-being based on a real feeling for him versus one based on a sense of duty associated with your feelings for his mother. The more he gets a view that you are pulling for him because you want to, not because you have to, the better his response will be. I feel this will also help with your sensible desire to slowly move him away from his natural clinginess towards his mother - probably fully understandable in his current circumstances. The more he comes to respect your intentions for him as himself, the more your influence on his behaviour will grow. Good luck, it's a brave thing you are doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 Zaad said:"Zaad. To hit the boy would do more harm than good ...the mind game may be the way to go. " He's too old now to get physical punishment, I agree, and it's very hard to teach the discipline he lacked AND NEEDED in his youth. TB, I'm not blaming the way your wife's family raised him, it's just that Thais do not regularly use violence to teach kids, just my observation. Yes ..nil discipline for sure. I got a few wacks when growing up and did me no harm however. The Thais appear to have a different take on this to the west. I mocked my wife today...with her clothes ..a little tug here and a dust off here etc...show how silly it is with him...she got P****d off big time ...but the message got through...a win to me :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 Hi I think he does. He tells his mom not to tell me if he has done something wrong...not scared of me btw (don't want that) just wants to be seen in a good light by me i guess Brave...no...just part of life as we move into new relationships and cultures. Must be a light at the end of the tunnel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lembeh Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 >It's true that Thais are very lenient it seems, with their children, and almost seem to accept about everything they pull. The cases I have seen of Thai's and thier kids are poor examples. They *do* let thier kid get away with murder, until that apparently invisible line is crossed (or not, as it seems to vary), and then they beat the crap out of the kid. Bad, and sad to to see. My own (personal) method is "two cases of physical punishment", once to show them where the line is, and a second time to show them that you *do* mean it. If done right, kids will come up to the line, but never again cross it (they *know* you are not bluffing). However, in this case, I would think the child is too old for this to work, PLUS, there may be "you are not my real dad" issues going on. In this particular case, extreme caution should be used in offering *any* physical punishment to the kid. While "natural" parents may have the benefit of the doubt (and not in some countries), depending on the *exact* relationship between the boy and the poster, physical punishment *could* be seen as an assault... The issue is not one that is going to be solved over night. I would be looking at *years* of frustration. While a australian life style maybe "better" by some standards, the kid may truely miss "home" his friends, family relatives etc. Going from a rural (maybe) environment to an urban environment *may* seem like the end of the world and not a "great improvement". Even going from bugger all schoolwork to "real" home work PLUS extra work, may seem like a pretty bad deal. As was noted, after only a few months, the original poster is at his wits end. What sort of message is that to pass on to the kid? Hey, I like your mum, but you, well, you are a pain in the arse.... I do however agree that there should be a unified front between the parents, but well, frankly the hard part of that will be getting the wife to agree *and stick to it*. Good luck on that. All in all, its gonna be a long hard haul. Even in the best of circumstances kids can be difficult, in this case a kid feeling alienated and isolated may take a lot of work to break down. Bottom line I think for kids is that they need to KNOW you are there for them whatever, and, to my mind, the original poster had not make this clear to the kid. Pretty much the opposite in fact. -j- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 Hi You have made some very good points...however i will fill in some gaps. First.....He asked his mom if he could call me dad..as he doesn't have one!....no problem for me with that...good i think. Rural..sure cant get much more so...a plantation at the floating markets BKK. Wits end..well that is between my wife and myself ...the boy is not privy to these conversations. Original poster not made clear to the child......i have gone out of my way to do everything to make him welcome and part of this family ....don't forget there is a language and culture issue in my home as well.....we (mom and me ) are trying all we can to get through all this...as you say not easy.....say that again...but we will keep at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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