Isaan meets West

[Mentors]

MIXED MARRIAGES: Isaan Meets West

Published on November 14, 2004

The NATION

 

For better or for worse, Europeans are flocking to the Northeast in search of wives

 

Romance can often be cross-cultural. That's especially true in northeastern Thailand, where nearly 20,000 Thai women are currently married to Westerners, most of whom are from Europe.

 

"Isaan women are more laid back and caring," said German Franz Roecker, 41, who relo-cated to the Northeast after marrying a Thai woman 10 years his junior.

 

In the past two to three years there has been a phenomenal rise in the number of such cross-cultural marriages, resulting in social, economic and other impacts on the Northeast's rural society.

 

The latest study by the National Economic and Social Devel-opment Board (NESDB) reveal-ed that most couples, while spending most of their time together abroad, often visited the female partner's home town when winter gripped Europe as well as during their annual long holidays.

 

Many couples have also chosen the Northeast as their permanent home.

 

Germany's Roecker told The Nation there were a number of reasons why Western males opted to marry a Thai woman.

 

First, the working conditions at home, in his case Germany, are more stressful than here. Second, the weather in Europe is harsh, especially during winter. Third, many men prefer women from the northeastern provinces because of their caring attitude.

 

Roecker, a businessman, met his wife Chantee in Bangkok eight years ago. They got married two years later.

 

He said he had fallen in love with not only the woman but also Issan culture, the local community and its people, prompting him to settle here.

 

"Most women in Europe are trained to stay on their own. German women, in particular, are typically independent and career-oriented, while Isaan women are so different," said Roecker, who recently set up a solar-products company here.

 

While cross-cultural marriages have become increasingly popular, England's Howard Roscoe, 57, who runs a resort business here, said adapting to each other's different culture was always a major challenge for couples.

 

According to Roscoe, who has been married to a Thai woman from Kra Nuen district of Khon Kaen for 16 years, not all Thai-Western marriages tell a happy tale and many end in separation.

 

As one of the first Westerners to settle in a Khon Khaen village, Roscoe has seen the rise and fall of many mixed marriages. He met his wife Chaowanee 16 years ago when he returned to Kra Nuen to offer thanks to an elderly woman who had helped cure him of blood poisoning.

 

That lady was Chaowanee's grandmother.

 

Roscoe and other Westerners here explained that difficulty in adapting to expected gender roles could be a major barrier to a happy marriage.

 

Referring to the rural Thai saying that posits women as the hind legs of an elephant and men as the front legs, Roscoe said this often causes a clash with foreign men who are accustomed to a more equal footing.

 

Another challenge to cross-cultural marriages is the language. Many Thai wives do not speak a great deal of English while their spouses struggle equally with Thai, let lone the Isaan dialect.

 

'It was really hard at the start of our relationship, considering Chris and I could speak very little English. He had to give me French lessons every day," said Wanpen, wife of French policeman Christopher Monroe, 53.

 

Wanpen said she had met Monroe two years ago through her best friend, who was married to an Englishman.

 

Financial stability is often an attraction for northeastern women who are considering marrying a foreigner. For example, Wanpen said she had two children from her previous marriage to look after.

 

"Although my financial situation has not improved hugely, now I can be sure that there is money every month. I also have an income from a beauty salon in Buriram," she said.

 

Chaowanee noted that some Thai women, however, were in it purely for the money.

 

"These women think all Westerners are rich, so they don't pay much attention to other factors such as whether they will have a happy relationship. That is a wrong attitude, and at the end of the day both partners will suffer," she said.

 

Pathomkanok Barnes

 

The Nation

 

KHON KHAEN

 

-------------

 

Trophy husbands are on the rise in the Northeast

 

The sight of foreign men buying produce at local markets, stumbling through Thai phrases in local Isaan dialect and singing Mor-lum songs has become commonplace in Buriram and other northeastern provinces.

 

In the past few years Buriram has earned the distinction of being one of Thailand’s most metropolitan provinces in terms of mixed marriages. It even hosted a welcoming party for foreign spouses and in-laws to strengthen community bonds two years ago.

 

Nattakant Akrapongpisak, who teaches at a local high school, said there were many mixed couples in her grandparents’ district, Prakonechai. Most Thai women in the area met their foreign partners through relatives or neighbours, she said. Many forego raising a new family because they often have children from previous marriages.

 

“The important quality of Thai wives is the way they take care of their husbands.

 

“Besides, foreign partners don’t have to worry about paying alimony if they get divorced,” she added.

 

Nattakant said the majority of Thai wives moved to their spouse’s country. They often return to Buriram in September and stay for a month.

 

Somchai Nil-athi, a professor at the Faculty of Humanities at Mahasarakham University, explained that the number of mixed couples had increased over the last decade because many women saw this as a way to improve their social status. This phenomenon particularly affects divorced women with no higher education, he said.

 

Thai society has become slowly estranged from its Buddhist roots in favour of materialism, prompting women to marry into wealth as a barometer of success, he said.

 

“They get money from their husbands to pay their debts, build a new house and host a religious-merit ceremony. They become richer, and society accepts them with open arms,” he added.

 

Theeranuch Pusaksrikit

 

The Nation

 

 

What do you think - still married with a Isarn Girl? ::

[check_bin_krap]

I think - in 10 yrs time you will be reading about this when it comes to Viet Nam also. Heck, anyone with money whould invest it in tourist infrastructure there. It will pay off big time.

 

Oh, my ex is from Khon Kaen. I like Isaan!!! But the first time I went there, farang were few and all looked at me. Had a quarrel with ex at the bus station in Khon Kaen, about 100 or so people peeking at weird foreigner.

 

Cheers!

[sayjann]

'weird foreigner'

 

yup,just about describes you to a tee.......

 

i remember my visit to Nong Khai and beyond.

i was also subjected to the stares from the locals,many of whom had never seen a white man before.

very disconcerting and i didn't like it at all.

had a bit of trouble with a couple of local lads but mostly i was made very welcome.

but my Gal's Son decided i was his property straight away and he looked after me(not bad for a 4 Y.O.).

and the Night i cooked a meal for many people was a real eye-opener as i couldn't believe that so many people wanted to watch and then to sample my cooking.

[Guest]

this development has led to lots of frictions in village thailand. many women nowadays do see marrying a farang as a sort of career move, a professional "mia farang", and run away from their thai husbands.

a week ago, for example, while working upcountry there were a couple of labourers around, one was reacting in a rather aggressive way to me (just verbally). i was a bit gobsmacked, until one of his friends came to me, apologised for his friend's behavior. he explained that three years ago his wife ran away to marry a swiss bloke, and since then he was heartbroken, never married again.

another thing that also happens very often, especially in those long distance relationships where the farang partner lives in the west and comes only a few times a year to see his wife, is that the wife lives with her thai husband who then moves out while the farang husband is on a visit.

 

farang often come here with certain stereotypes of thai women that are far from true (the loving, caring and submissive thai women). rarely they do care that much about adapting, or even learning about thailand and its problems beyond the picturesque "LOS", not to speak of trying to learn the language.

 

resulting problems are multifold. nowadays increasingly we are met by the population, especially the male population, with suspicion and dislike, perceived as arrogant snobs, who think we farang know everything just because we have money to throw around.

 

the nowadays increasing racialist comments i get thrown in the face i do see as a direct result of that rising inferiority complex in thai men (fueled of course by certain political vested interests).

[Guest]

I saw Thai man, half crazed on alchol, go around saying he was going to kill falangs. Reason: his wife went to Pattaya to work as a prostitute serving falangs. I could understand why he was angry.

[pattaya127]

I could understand why he was angry.

--------------------------

 

I understand this poor guy could do little about it maybe at the time it happened, but there has been plenty of time and outrages in the last 40 years for thais to raise in group against injustices and new trends disfavoring them in their own country. Yes, I understand him, but farangs are not to blame, thais should look a bit more towards those who govern them (FlyW mentionned "vested interests). Plenty to be angry about there too.

[elef]

Hi,

 

"I could understand why he was angry."

 

Probably because she wasn't sending him enough money to have a mia noi!

 

elef

[samak]

there are already a lot of Singaporeans marrying Vietnamese Girls!

[check_bin_krap]

I have heard many from Taiwan marry Viet also Samak. Here in Norway its mainly Viet/Viet couples. Tourism is on the rise in Viet Nam. They have a stable government, their economy has opened up. They don't have the muslim issues, some unrest here and there but its minor and decreases.

 

Direct flights from Europe have started recently, both with Vietnam airways and Air France.

 

Oh, this thread was about Isaan.. Sorry, I am blabbering away.

[Guest]

pattaya127 said:

I could understand why he was angry.

--------------------------

 

I understand this poor guy could do little about it maybe at the time it happened, but there has been plenty of time and outrages in the last 40 years for thais to raise in group against injustices and new trends disfavoring them in their own country. Yes, I understand him, but farangs are not to blame, thais should look a bit more towards those who govern them (FlyW mentionned "vested interests). Plenty to be angry about there too.

 

 

 

well, the qustion here is not who, and what, after lots of deliberation, is the root cause of the problem. if you want to try to discuss that out with and angry man with little education whose wife has just left him for the money - than good luck to you. and don't forget to tell me where that discussion will take place so i can pick up your corpse.

 

the situation is simple - that development of increasing "mia farang" leaves a lot of men with very little education humbled and destroyed. they will hardly look at western men's problems with their own female population, neither will the be able to do much against the ones in their own country who kept them under oppression for so long. they will vent their anger there where it's closest - at farang.

 

now, where individual farang are to blame is our cultural arrogance (very often observed on these boards here) with which we present ourselves here. the message that is given to the ordinary bloke is: farang can come here, spread lots of money, don't even see any necessity to learn our language and steal our women. farang built huge houses in the villages thai blokes can never afford for their families, and more marriagable women will look for farang husbands instead of thai husbands.

 

it actually only speaks for the tolerance of the thais that not more incidents of racialistic inspired violence have happened so far.

don't be too sure though that this will stay that way.