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candyfloss

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"Dodge dart".....what the fcuk is he on about?.

 

Strange you should mention darts, my ultimate fantasy is two lesbians, sisters probably, playing darts naked, im just watching.

 

I have tried to fulfil this fantasy to no avail but I will keep on trying even though I have to suffer the indignation when the girls look at me with that "what a perve" look. As the great philosopher once said "if you want to achieve the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain"

 

And people say shes' just a big pair of ......!

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  • 11 months later...

Some prize moments of genius from Sky Sports' excitable darts commentator, Sid Waddell. But they really have to be heard in his inimitable North Eastern English accent.

 

"That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus."

 

"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer. Bristow's only 27."

 

"It's the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia."

 

"You couldn't get more excitement here if Elvis Presley walked in eating a chip sandwich!"

 

"He's playing out of his pie crust."

 

"He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave."

 

"He's been burning the midnight oil at both ends."

 

"Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength."

 

"These guys look calm but inside they are as nervous as a vampire who knows there's a sale at the wooden stake shop in the morning."

 

"He's as twitchy as a frog in a blender"

 

"He's going like the Loch Ness Monster with a following wind!"

 

"Keith Deller is like Long John Silver - he's badly in need of another leg."

 

"He looks as happy as a scorpion who's just had a pedicure!"

 

"Eyes like a pterodactyl....with contact lenses"

 

"Cliff Lazarenko's jumping up and down like a gorilla saying "give me back my banana!"

 

On Bobby George - "He's like a Sherman tank on roller skates coming down a mountain!"

 

"He's twitching more than a one legged ferret!"

 

"He may practice 12 hours a day, but he's not shy of the burger van!"

 

"He's got one foot in the frying pan and one on thin ice."

 

"That Lad could throw 180 standing one legged in a hammock."

 

"It's just like taking a sausage from a boy in a wheelchair."

 

"That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!"

 

"He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed."

 

"Look at the man go, it's like trying to stop a water buffalo with a pea-shooter!"

 

"Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy."

 

"Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas Bobby George, with his bad back, looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame."

 

"They've got Shakespeare on Radio 2 but you can't beat this for drama."

 

"It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline."

 

"Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out."

 

"His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch."

 

"As they say at the DHSS, we're getting the full benefit here."

 

"The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum when the Christians were on the menu."

 

"Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he's chuffing like a choo-choo train!"

 

"He's planting those arrows with the accuracy of a couple of inter-continental ballistic missiles."

 

"Bob Anderson ... looking like Lee van Cleef on a bad night!"

 

"The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!"

 

"This lad has more checkouts than Tescos."

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