Guest Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 Need a little advice from some of those who have had long relationships or married to former BGs. During my last visit in May, I happened to run into a beautiful lady (a ten in my books) in one of the beer gardens. She speaks English fairly well and has a stunning smile. We had a great time playing snooker together and I ended up taking her back to my apartment. On the way to my place, she wanted to be sure that I understood that she wanted to be paid although she did not name a price. The next morning she dressed, I paid, and then she asked if I would meet her again that same evening. I told her that I was not sure, but would try to make it. I actually thought I would move on to the next girl. Well, the gravitational pull of this lady on me was more that I expected and I ended up returning to the same bar. She seemed to be looking out for me and was very happy to see me, so I took her out of the bar and off we went to play snooker and then back to my place. This time she did not talk money, and seemed to be happy just to be hanging out. She stayed over and the next morning asked if we could go to Pattaya, I said sure, and the next thing I know we are lounging by the beach enjoying each other’s company. During the following days, she never mentioned payment for all of our lustful nights. We returned to Bangkok, she needed to get some fresh clothes, so she invited me to her apartment to relax and go swimming. I declined and said that I would meet her back at my place. The following days went pretty much like boyfriend and girlfriend, shopping, movies, snooker and dancing. (What a life) Again, she never asked for money, although I did buy her a few outfits and shoes. The stuff I like a lady to wear. She introduced me to her girlfriends, and as luck would have it, one of her girlfriend’s boyfriends, a Thai gentleman, is from the LA area like I am. We have a large Thai community here and loving the Thai culture as I do, I have a lot of Thai friends in LA. The boyfriend (Pat) asked whom I knew in Los Angeles, as it turns out this guys brother and sister in law are very dear friends of mine, I had heard of Pat but had never met him. He said, well then, while you are in Thailand, you have a “brother” here so call on me if you need anything. We promised each other we would get together and have a few Singhas when we both returned to L.A. Soon came the time for me to leave for Beijing. My last night in BKK, she asked if I would be her boyfriend, she went on to say that she was falling in love with me and she wanted out of the bar business (Sound of bells going off WARNING, WARNING) I explained that I was not looking for a girlfriend but that if she needed money, I would set up a bank account for her and mail her the ATM card. I also figured that I was probably not the only one sending her money. I explained that I would not send much, and she said that any amount would help and that the less she had to work in the bar the better. I figured that it would be payment for a wonderful two weeks and reserve my space for my visit in October. Once I returned to LA, I set up the account and deposit 10,000B into the account. She received the ATM card and again said she wanted me for a boyfriend. I said that I sent her the money, and asked why was it so important that we have a title associated with the money. She explained that the money was not important, but the prospect of having me for a husband and providing a better life was most on her mind. After a few phone calls from her and e-mails I relented and said o.k. I will be your boyfriend. I did tell her that I was not ready to support her 100% and that I could accept that she still had to work. I didn’t tell her but I’m hardly celibate when I am home. She said that all that mattered to her was the thought that she might have a future with me in the US. I met my new friend Pat at a bar in LA and he told me that his girlfriend told him, that my lady and I were boyfriend and girlfriend now, and that I was sending money to her. I did worry about loosing face with Pat at having a BG for a girlfriend, but Pat’s attitude was that hell, you can spend a fortune trying to get a good US girl, and not having anything to show. His advice was to go slow and to get to know this girl as much as possible on my next trip. A couple of weeks later and plenty of e-mail and phone calls later, I deposited another 10,000B into her account, and to my amazement the original 10,000B was still there. I was genuinely impressed that she had not raided the account, and as foolish as it may sound, started to imagine what it would be like if I actually proceeded to seek a relationship with this lady. Notwithstanding the advice of this forum about keeping the fantasy a fantasy, my experiences with the typical LA lady whether Thai, Farhang, or Hispanic has left a lot to be desired and my experiences with the beautiful ladies from Thailand is one that I desire. Soon after I made the deposit, I found out from Pat, second hand of course, that he had heard that my lady had another US guy she was calling her boyfriend. Don’t ask me why, but I was pretty pissed and e-mailed her that I was no longer interested in maintaining any relationship with her and promptly cleaned out her bank account, all that I had deposited was still there. She called me the next day hysterical, she wanted to know who said these things about her, between her sobs she said that I do have customers but “love only you”, she said I thought you understood that I still work and I don’t know why are you mad at me. I then said, “if I am your only boyfriend then prove it to me by giving me your e-mail password right now, not that I even wanted to look inside, but I figured that if she did not give it to me that she was hiding something. She hesitated and said that she could not, that she would give it to me “tomorrow”, I told her tomorrow too late and hung up the phone. Since then she has called me a few times, I don’t answer when I see her number on my display, and she has left messages and has sent a few emails, saying that the money did not matter, what mattered is that she lost a future with me. She says she drinks too much now and that all her thoughts are with me. Not sure why I was so pissed that she would have another US boyfriend, I guess it was the embarrassment and loosing face with my friend Pat. Also I, do have to admit that I was having thoughts of a future with this lady. She e-mailed me again today with the password to her Hotmail account. She explains that I will see e-mail from other men, but assures me that these are just customers and that she only loves me. Now I’m not so sure what I’m going to do now. She knows where I live in Bangkok, and knows which flight I’ll be on in October. Any input from you guys would go along way. A few questions: Why would a BG spend two weeks with a man and not demand money? Why did she not raid the account when she had a chance? Are the BG’s that work the beer gardens any different than the girls who work the dance bars? Thanks and I apologize if I sound a bit naïve. Ross 99 and Been There Done That, if your out there, please send me an e-mail. Would like to hook up with you in October. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grabii Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 Richy, Your experience is similar those experienced by many people, but quite different from my own experience. So, I cannot comment too much on the questions you've asked. But, I will give you some thoughts to ponder anyway. "Why would a BG spend two weeks with a man and not demand money?" From what you've said she may have a good income. You were covering a lot of her expenses. So, maybe she did not have a great need for cash and was in a financial position to risk a little money today for more money tommorrow. Same reason people invest in stocks. "Why did she not raid the account when she had a chance?" This one's tougher than the first one. If she was playing the market, she missed the peak! "Are the BG?s that work the beer gardens any different than the girls who work the dance bars?" This one's my hot button! My only experience with a beer garden girl is indirect; I was with a buddy the night he picked up a girl at the Soi 7 beer bar. He was attracted by a girl with a bunch of her friends at a nearby table. I motioned her to join us, and she left her friends and came over to join us. She left the bar with my buddy, and after they got back to his room it turned out she was married and employed as an airline hostess. She was at the bar just for the fun of a "zip-less fuck", to quote Erica Jong, the same reason many of the farang guys are there. To get back to the subject of your question, all women are alike, but no two are the same. Doesn't make any difference whether they are bargirls, regular freelancers, occasional dabblers, or abstainers - you can't judge any individual by the stereotypes of the category of woman in which you choose to place her. She will have some of the stereotypical characteristics, but she will also have her own unique characteristics that conflict with the stereotype. In any event, you've made your decision and you've made your move. I don't think there's any going back with this woman now. Your bridge is burned, and any attempt to rebuild it will produce a very weak and shaky structure. Regards, JEff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 Richyrich, Sorry, but she is likely a lost cause. I know that it is easy for me to say this - you are the one who has to bear the emotional pain. But the odds are very heavily against this turning out to be a successful long-term relationship. Nevertheless, if you have a gut feeling that this can work out, meet her when you return to the LOS and see if you can change her into a respectable lady. Again, probably a lost cause, but people have done seemingly impossible feats before. I am just saying all this so you can adjust your expectations. Good Luck JG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous_Dog Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 Sorry mate, but I think your a bastard and a hypocrite! (Fuck knows how to spell that word, I don't use it much) Here's why "I explained that I was not looking for a girlfriend but that if she needed money, I would set up a bank account for her and mail her the ATM card. I also figured that I was probably not the only one sending her money." So you accept you are not the only one sending$$'s "I figured that it would be payment for a wonderful two weeks and reserve my space for my visit in October." Yes it was payment, and then you "stole her time" in my books by taking the money back! "I relented and said o.k. I will be your boyfriend. I did tell her that I was not ready to support her 100% and that I could accept that she still had to work." And she did still work, and because some customers "want" the girl to call them boyfriend you go ahead and punish the girl. Now imagine working for your boss for two weeks, a great boss, a boss you really like, but you are working, then when you go to get your pay from your ATM, somehow your boss has removed it and sacked you! You wouldn't like it, but that is what you have done to her! Wake up, these girls work, and sometimes they make great girlfriends, however in the verbal contract, you accepted she would still work and recieve money, and yet when that happened you did the wrong thing mate! Fix up your mistake pronto! If I was her, I would figure you have just stolen the $ from me! [ August 07, 2001: Message edited by: Jimmie Blonde ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 You say "I didn’t tell her but I’m hardly celibate when I am home" and yet you expect her, a professional prostitute, to be faithful to you! You also got 2 weeks of her time without paying her anything. Not to mention the cost of her phone calls to the States. Why do you need advice? You seem to have done very well out of it. She's the one who needs advice, on how avoid getting scammed like this again... [ August 07, 2001: Message edited by: Snake Head ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous_Dog Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 Faaaaarkkkk Your the first bloke whp's ever taken my advice, shit Call me Dear Abby! Buy you a beer, in beer garden next time your in town, you did the right thing. Anyway sounds like you would have without me bitching on anyway! Chok Dee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 8, 2001 Report Share Posted August 8, 2001 Why do you make such a fuss about it? Enjoy her company, screw her until you have enough and then drop her. Give her some money when you stay with her, don't pay her, when you don't. Keep it a reasonable relationship with commercial background, because that is what she has in mind anyway. It is your job to keep the costs under control. Sooner or later she will give up the show anyway and you will be lucky to go away. Roland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted August 8, 2001 Report Share Posted August 8, 2001 quote: Originally posted by richyrich: Jimmie Blonde and Snakehead. Points well taken, I've returned the money that I should not have taken back to begin with. It usually not my style to be such a bastard, but I sincerely believe that I would not have asked for advice had I felt I did the right thing to begin with, after all is was a great two weeks. Along with the return of the money, I sent a note apologizing for my behavior. Thank you for setting me straight. The feeling in my gut was gnawing at me for a while and now I feel much better. Jeff and Joe Gumby, thanks for your input, I do appreciate it. Cio, RichyRich it's a nice move you did, but not sure it will be understood by her as a sign of apology rather than the fact she got you back in her lap. Good girls or bad girls, i still have not met a thai woman who does not put us thru countless tests, most of them we have no idea about,just to see how malleable we are or how we measure up to our promises. And they never forget, no matter how hard you make up for it. Silly female stuff,you know..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted August 8, 2001 Report Share Posted August 8, 2001 quote: Originally posted by JEff: Richy, To get back to the subject of your question, all women are alike, but no two are the same. Doesn't make any difference whether they are bargirls, regular freelancers, occasional dabblers, or abstainers - you can't judge any individual by the stereotypes of the category of woman in which you choose to place her. She will have some of the stereotypical characteristics, but she will also have her own unique characteristics that conflict with the stereotype. In any event, you've made your decision and you've made your move. I don't think there's any going back with this woman now. Your bridge is burned, and any attempt to rebuild it will produce a very weak and shaky structure. Regards, JEff Could not agree more. what we should go about when discussing thai BGs or frelancers is talk from experience, not stereotypes. I don't think this girl is doing anything wrong or being dishonest, as it seems all your cards, hers and yours, were laid on the table. But expect ladies who work in such trade to be a little screwed up. So that one does not always have to ask why? for everything that does not make sense. I also think you screwed up, but don't bang your head on the wall for it. It's very unlikely the arrangement would work, half-baked as it was. Obviously, you were on your guards, and acted upon it. One other thing is what does it mean when the friend told you about another b/f. Are you sure he knew the info first-hand? You were more ready to trust him than to try to find out what exactly transpired behind all the gossip. I just mean: true or false, it seems you were not ready for a distant relationship. Not so unwise, actually. IMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 8, 2001 Report Share Posted August 8, 2001 Jimmie Blonde and Snakehead. Points well taken, I've returned the money that I should not have taken back to begin with. It usually not my style to be such a bastard, but I sincerely believe that I would not have asked for advice had I felt I did the right thing to begin with, after all is was a great two weeks. Along with the return of the money, I sent a note apologizing for my behavior. Thank you for setting me straight. The feeling in my gut was gnawing at me for a while and now I feel much better. Jeff and Joe Gumby, thanks for your input, I do appreciate it. Cio, RichyRich Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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