Grabii Posted October 23, 2001 Report Share Posted October 23, 2001 Walker, You make reasonable assumptions. quote: Originally posted by worldwalker: ... Guys that have successful long-term relationships with thai women, bar-girls or not, are not all that likely to be frequent readers or posters. Though I'm sure there are some that still like to butterfly! My advice for a successful marriage with a Thai woman is the same advice I would give for a successful marriage with any woman - get to know her well, understand her, and be honest with yourself about how she matches up with your own personality, objectives in life, etc. This may take considerable time, and will likely take more time for a Thai-farang couple because the people involved need to know about more than just each other. They also need to learn and understand each other's backgrounds and cultures in order to have the proper context for accurately understanding their partner. Recognize that people change over time. They change the fastest from the late teens through the twenties, a time of life when most people are still developing and maturing. The odds for a successful marriage are improved when both partners are have reached relatively stable adulthood (no matter what their age), but recognize that both partners are going to continue to evolve somewhat over time. If they change together the marriage may survive, if they change in different directions it is more likely the marriage will not survive. Regards, JEff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2001 Report Share Posted October 23, 2001 Jeff You are right on the spot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygye Posted October 23, 2001 Report Share Posted October 23, 2001 Sav, Try the thai-falang board on delphi for success stories. Here is a check list for your BG. 1) Does she do drugs? 2) Does she drink too much? 3) Does she gamble? 4) Does she spend baht like water? 5) Is her family greedy? 6) Does she ONLY like Thai food? 7) Does she consider her cultural viewpoint the only correct view? You should find the answers to these questions before committing to marriage, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2001 Report Share Posted October 23, 2001 There are many posters on this board who are married to / have long term relationships with women that they've met in bars. This is not a new topic. Maybe the reason that there has been no response is because in the past these discussions have degenerated into debates focused on the benefits/drawbacks of the B/G vs. non B/G relationship. It really depends on the people in the relationship and some common sense precautions similar to the ones Shygye has listed. For the record, I met my wife in a gogo bar and we have been very happy together for the past three years. Sometimes you meet someone and it just clicks. Also, she definitely passes the Shygye litmus test. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daeng bireley Posted October 24, 2001 Report Share Posted October 24, 2001 You would be one of the lucky rare ones I would say for every successful relationship I hear of I hear of dozens of disasters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 24, 2001 Report Share Posted October 24, 2001 Is seams to me that most posters seem to 'blame' bar girls for relationship problems because of their past. Perhaps we should bear in mind that they met there boyfriend whilst he was touring the red light areas. We have to gain and maintain their trust too. Perhaps thats the biggest difference between b/g's and none b/g's. My relationship certainly improved once I took this onboard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savittre Posted October 24, 2001 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2001 Many thanks to all who've replied!!! All so interesting!!! Perhaps the first thing I'd like to put up front is that if she and I will be together, it will be in LOS, nowhere else. That is etched in concrete, I've been in the East too long now to make a go of it where I come from in the West, can't stand where I come from anyway, and she understands and accepts this 'you think I want to go to your country, FORGET IT' said she. Also, she's 30, I'm lower mid-forties, hopefully both in a relatively mature/settled down phase of our lives, approaching if not past our respective 'sell-by dates' And, *if* you want to accept that what she says is true, she had a 10 year marriage that failed *before* the bar biz, which makes me think that unlike some (most) other girls, who started at the bars from the beginning of their adult lives, she will have recollection of a 'normal' life, i.e. life outside of prostitution... quote: Lets face it so many guys are out there are looking for a relationship with one of these girls (looking for love)whether they are able to admit that to themselves or not. Yeah, I think that's true... Me, I like Thai style! Always have! So, does 'liking style' equal 'looking for love' ? I guess I'll have to watch myself for the answer to that one!!!!!! quote: I have 3 friends in Australia married to Thais for over 15 years each and the girls dont want to go back even for a holiday!! mind you they dont have any family in thailand. The family issue makes all the difference in the world! From the time I've stayed in Taiwan, my experience is that most girls who married Caucasian men prefer to stay in Taiwan, I think there's 2 reasons why- 1. They're not so adaptable- it's called being 'very Chinese', and 2. Chinese families exert a lot of guilt over their (adult) children to stay close by. Tradition. There are some girls who are glad to be out of Taiwan, don't like all the unwritten social rules women here are expected to follow, but, in my experience, they are in the minority. It sounds so terrible to say, but if the girl's family is out of the equation, it's so much easier!!!!!!! quote: Ask yourself what makes a Thai girl so special. Pretty? Yea. But there are pretty women elsewere. Personality...you got it, my friend. This is the true attraction for most of us. Yep. This one's not only Thai, she seems to be what I call 'old school' Thai, which I can only appreciate more, be she from the bar or not.... quote: As the "fool" from the bargirl marriage diaster, all I can really say is good luck with a bargirl. Hi HSTEACH- Man, take it easy on yourself!!! Nobody considered you to be a fool, certainly not me, and I've read your whole story more than once, my friend!! I'd like to mention a couple of things to you, first, I think you're really lucky kids didn't become part of the picture.... has a way of turning up the pain factor a lot... and you thought that couldn't be possible??? Oh, it can!!! As far as revenge goes, I would like to say, first and most importantly, FORGET IT!!! Like others more experienced than I have said, that route just has a way of getting into deeper and deeper shit, deeper than anyone would really want! On the other hand, I believe you heard that your X is not with her copper guy anymore, and her plans aren't working out... that may or may not be true... sometimes stories like that will come your way to make you think 'Ah, she's getting hers already.. no need for any proactive revenge from me! Which is, of course, the purpose of such a story coming your way.... My $0.02 quote: 1) Does she do drugs? 2) Does she drink too much? 3) Does she gamble? 4) Does she spend baht like water? 5) Is her family greedy? 6) Does she ONLY like Thai food? 7) Does she consider her cultural viewpoint the only correct view? Thanks for the list, shygye! One question, is #6 really relevant when we're LOS-based, anyway? As far as the rest goes, time will tell, I can take my time. quote: 90 percent of Thai girls immediately undergo an attitude change as soon as they get married, judging from the complaints I hear! Definitely, hide your assets, appearing poor(ish) from the beginning a good idea! I don't have to appear poorish, I am!! But, I'd appreciate knowing more about the Thai girls undergoing an attitude change as soon as they get married. What's the score????! quote: MrLucky There are many posters on this board who are married to / have long term relationships with women that they've met in bars. This is not a new topic. Maybe the reason that there has been no response is because in the past these discussions have degenerated into debates focused on the benefits/drawbacks of the B/G vs. non B/G relationship. It really depends on the people in the relationship and some common sense precautions similar to the ones Shygye has listed. For the record, I met my wife in a gogo bar and we have been very happy together for the past three years. Sometimes you meet someone and it just clicks. Also, she definitely passes the Shygye litmus test. MrLucky Glad to hear it, Mr. Lucky!! May it continue!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygye Posted October 24, 2001 Report Share Posted October 24, 2001 The point about item 6 is a willingness to try new things. You are living in LOS and 99% of the time you eat Thai food. However every now and then you like to eat say Indian, or Italian, or even British foods. Will she go along or pout. Or you go on holiday to Hong Kong. Will she eat or even try the great Chinese food, or will you have to hunt for a Thai place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSTEACH Posted October 24, 2001 Report Share Posted October 24, 2001 Sav...A few comments. First and foremost, I do wish the both of you the very best and hope you both live long and happy lives. As far as my comment about being the "fool" in the bargirl marriage disaster, well I probably should have known better to think it would work in the longterm. Second, about revenge, there's no reason now. Someone said the best revenge is living well. How true that is. I've found something much better than the "x". Better in every category. Much better. Education, job, ethics, and true communication. If I hadn't been dumped, I wouldn't ever have met the present GF. Maybe N*** did me a big favor with the ole heave ho. As far as she is concerned now, she's back working, still very unhappy with her life. Still unable to acknowledge she's dying of cancer. That can't be my problem now, it's hers. I have my own life to live. BTW.. if our paths ever cross in LOS, the beer's on me. Best of luck to you. HSTEACH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.